'Gossip Girl': Serena gets married, and one memorable Passover Seder

Several things became apparent in tonight's "Gossip Girl." First, it's never a good idea to stay in Spain with your friend's (now) ex-boyfriend "to keep him company." Second, Blair is a lot less fun when she's flailing about and selling out whatever principles she's clinging to rather than being on the offensive. And third, none of these people should ever be allowed within 10 miles of a Passover Seder again.

Chosen spoilers ahead, and I won't make you sit in Elijah's seat...

The Rioja made me do it: Serena's back from Spain -- and suddenly in need of some legal help. It seems that after Poppy and her boyfriend, Gabriel, broke up, Serena stuck around. And one night it came down to dinner, a lot of Rioja, dancing, more Rioja, naked swimming, Gabriel banging on the door of a church in the middle of the night, and Serena answering "Si" to presumably the most important question of her life. Now, I've had my fair share of Rioja, but it's never made me want to marry a near-stranger. Much to my husband's relief, I'm guessing.

So while Serena's dodging her mother's grounding and retaining Blair's stepfather, Cyrus, as counsel, she ends up an unexpected guest at the Passover Seder that Cyrus and Eleanor are hosting.

Why is this night unlike any other night? And oh what a Seder. Dan, trying to earn some extra cash for school, takes a gig as a cater waiter at the party. Eleanor's particularly shrill and on edge because Cyrus' mother hates her. Lily and Rufus turn up. And so does Serena's alleged betrothed. But Serena panics and spins a yarn about her and Dan being back together to throw Gabriel off. Eleanor invites Gabriel to stay: "There's even an empty seat. It's for Elijah, but you can take it."

After the predictable hijinks, Lily and Serena talk things out. Serena's chafing under her new "good girl" image and needs to find a balance between her old self and her new one. And Lily tells Serena that she got into Brown. Serena mans up and finds Gabriel, who to her relief says they're not really married -- they were just doing something crazy that night. But Blair interrupts their kiss on the street, upset after the disaster that was Nate's cousin Trip's rehearsal dinner. But look out, Serena -- Poppy's still in the picture.

Being a socialite was good enough for Jackie O: Adrift about her future even in her dreams, Blair's working every connection she has -- i.e., Trip's fiancee Maureen -- to begin building her profile as a socialite, beginning with the Junior Board of the Whitney Museum. But, as Maureen tells her, "it takes a while to start to matter" -- and it's a dejected girl that Nate's grandfather finds at the rehearsal. Nate's gotten into Columbia without his grandfather's connections, but Grandfather Vanderbilt wants him to go to the more "appropriate" Yale. So he makes Blair a deal: convince Nate to go to Yale and he'll jump-start her Social Register dreams. She agrees -- as long as she gets to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. Oh, Blair. It's Reem Acra, but still.

Blair skips the Passover Seder for the rehearsal dinner, where an angry Nate makes a snarling toast about his grandfather turning his father in to the authorities. Gramps snarls at Blair to fix it, and later after making up with Nate, finks on his deal with Blair. Now, why a rich and powerful adult has it in for a 17-year-old girl, I don't know -- seriously, what's in it for him? Nate, being the dope that he is, sends Blair away and then seeks solace from Chuck of all people. You can say a lot of things about Chuck, and I have, but you have to give him credit for accepting Blair for who she is. Nate finally makes his way to Blair's apartment to make up. And finally, a chastened Blair agrees to let Cyrus help her get an interview at NYU -- a proposition she snottily turned her nose up at earlier -- which comes in handy since her tween dream cardboard cut-out will be at Columbia next year.

Also:

• Good for Jenny for socking it to Chuck. And he finally apologized for basically attacking her last year.
• Rufus decides to sell the gallery to pay for Dan's school -- he doesn't enjoy selling art any more. So what's he going to do now? Live off his girlfriend's enormous fortune, perhaps?
• The Passover jokes were quite funny, in a groaning, I-can't-believe-they-just-said-that kind of way.
• "All shopping leads to shoe shopping." Right on, Lily.

What did you think? Have you ever mistakenly thought you married someone in another language? Or kicked Elijah out of his seat? Come on, Upper East Siders: 'fess up.

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