'America's Next Top Model": Actor, factor, chain reactor

The Bones

Clay Aiken! McKey! The Cover Girl Lady! It was a star-studded evening with our "America's Next Top Model" contestants. 

Natalie establishes herself as a snob a hundred different ways this episode, from "allowing" all the other girls to do her dishes to her totally uncalled for "all these little hicks" comment. Really, Natalie? This isn't "Palos Verdes' Next Top Model" (a title she may or may not deserve). Sure, it's all in the editing, but to see her swanning about while the lovely ladies of color do her dishes ... well, that did not sit right with this recapper. 

Aminat gets into it with her, but after last week all I see is S-T-U-P-I-D. Aminat, girl, why did you need to ruin our great relationship? 

The challenge taps not just Paulina -- Our Holy Lady of ANTM -- but also Clay Aiken (arguably, also Our Holy Lady of Next Top Model.) Clay is totally game, acting up a storm, but only two wannabees rise to the challenge: Celia and London. The girls are asked to be over-the-hill models at a casting call -- providing much Tyra-impersonating fun, really -- but no one goes deep. The picture of confidence, London says she is from a family of actors and has it in the bag... yet Celia kind of brings it. Despite Celia's confidence, London wins the prize and wins $5K worth of Joe's Jeans.  

At the mansion, London agonizes over fitting into Joe's said Jeans. It's true: sister may be skinnier than half of us, but she is looking a little thick for a model. Aminat is only too happy to point as much out. (It doesn't come to fruition this episode, but hello: foreshadowing?)

The girls have a Cover Girl commercial shoot to redeem themselves, and though the judges later disparage them, I feel like they do pretty a-ok. Celia looks about a hundred years old, God bless her, but is engaging and charismatic. Natalie is boring-yet-pretty, but she nails her lines. Everyone else? Well, they're passable but no one stands out. Oddly, they seem at their best when in the background.

(Okay, I must digress, but really: they bring in McKey to help them with the shoot? She is a gorgeous girl, but has the personality of a block of wood. While she counsels the girls on "How to be a Cover Girl" I just cringe. Ladies, take note: DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING SHE SAYS.)

As the judges check out the commercials -- with Clay as guest judge! -- few are spared. London looks "like a door-to-door salesman" and her outfit is unflattering (seriously, cuffed shorts look good on no one).  Allison's outfit is wack, her commercial take is "punishment," and she can't make her face work for her. Tahlia is perfect in the background but painful in the fore. Celia "looks like the auntie and they were the nieces."

Even though you can totally tell Tyra got out-voted, Celia is called first.  She's followed by Miss Snobby White Bread America a.k.a Natalie, Teyona (who is coasting, right?), Fo, London, and Aminat. Allison with her freaky eyes and Tahlia, with her lack of talent, remain...it's no big shocker when Tahlia is sent home.

Look, Tahlia is an amazing girl. Inspirational, even. But has there ever been a girl less suited to model-dom on ANTM? Or one who got so far? I don't think any hearts were crushed with her getting sent home tonight.

The Pretty

Celia looks old. Younger than me by a mile, but old. Still, despite being a tattletale, she is looking fierce (or tense, perhaps) ... it's a cross-eyed look, but it's a good one. Go forth, Celia, with your bad self.

I have zero vested interest in Clay Aiken, but he was a fine judge. He really seemed to get it at judge's table (when he wasn't cracking up). 

The Ugly

She weighs far less than me, but it's evident to this recapper London looks a little heavy for the model world. More washing dishes, less dinner.

The Sandra Award goes to...Natalie! It's remarkable how pretty you can be on the outside and still be so ugly on the inside.

And The Best Quote of the Episode Goes To ...

"Finally a really smart thing you said."-- Paulina to Nigel @ panel, after he said something obvious.

Poll Time!

You are some funny people: big shout out to everyone who answered "Who would you like to see go home next?" with "All of them." (Honorable mention to "Miss Jay's Hair" -- I feel you. That and the horrific tie.) 

This week, can you tell me who was the best Cover Girl? Don't worry, we have write-in candidates.