'American Idol' Results -- Taylor Hicks, Natalie Cole perform, Matt Giraud goes home

I'm so disappointed with the "theme" last night on "American Idol."  Rat Pack, my hiney. Sinatra recorded a few of the songs, but they weren't his "standards."  They might as well have called it Musicals of the 30s and 40s.

Also, for the record, I am aware that the 1960s Rat Pack is Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford. But the original Rat Pack is from the 1950s. It was started by Humphrey Bogart and included Lauren Bacall, Judy Garland, Sid Luft, David Niven, Katharine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, Cary Grant, Rex Harrison, Mickey Rooney and Cesar Romero, among others. Now, the theme obviously meant the 60s version but that isn't where the Rat Pack name originated.

I also didn't give Jamie Foxx his props last night. He was a fantastic guest mentor, what a perfect pick for this week, even if they did crap-out on the theme. Seacrest informs us that there were 47 million votes last night. I cast 30 of those, all for Allison. Simon comments that, having watched last night's show back, all 5 were good. I have to agree; Matt was good, even if not as good as everyone else. 

Our guests tonight are Taylor Hicks, Jamie Foxx and Natalie Cole. Are they going to make her sing with a video version of Elvis and/or her dad? I certainly hope so.

The Ford Music Video is set to "Energy" by The Apples and features slow-motion running by the Idols plus a Ford Fusion with colors trailing behind it. Hmm. If there was going to be slo-mo running, it really should've been a Baywatch-themed video.

The group sing is "It Don't Mean a Thing" and "I Got Rhythm." Allison gets to take lead surrounded by her harem of guys, which is nice. "It Don't Mean a Thing" is my very favoritest Big Band song, it's so fantastic. If you've never seen Swing Kids, check it out for a great dance scene set to this song. Plus, Christian Bale and Robert Sean Leonard swing dancing. Woo woo.

Once the Idols switch to "I Got Rhythm" the tempo is so manic I feel like we're listening to a record on the wrong RPM setting. "Igotmymanwhocouldaskforanythingmore." Geez Louise. Also, that was A LOT to cram in the first 5 minutes. How can we have 5 minutes so action-packed that my keyboard has smoke pouring off of it and now we'll have 55 minutes of total garbage? Not fair.

Video of the Idols making cakes for Allison's and Danny's birthday and the subsequent cake fight. It's awesome and adorable and I hope it was impromptu, though I doubt it. Danny then gets a bill on-stage for the $6000 clean-up. Har har.

Results time. We start with Matt G, which makes me nervous that he's safe. Yikes. Seacrest sends him to stage right. Danny is then sent to stage left. I foresee Seacrest sending Allison to join Matt and Kris to join Danny, but it is REVERSED! I'm actually surprised. So now Adam Lambert has to choose between Danny/Allison and Matt/Kris for which group is the bottom. Oh, Idol! You scamp! I thought you were going to do this during Top 7 but you waited for Final 5. You got me!

Adam hems and haws, then says, "Based on last night? That group." and joins Danny and Allison. AND THEN the most AWESOME THING HAPPENS! Seacrest leads Adam over to the other group and declares Danny and Allison safe. HAHA! Somebody FINALLY chose a group and he was WRONG! So the Bottom 3 is Matt, Kris and Adam! Now, hopefully that'll show Adam that he can't just coast. Not that I'm saying he thinks that, but the judges act like he's the second coming of Jesus and it could make someone feel awfully safe. And I don't love Danny Gokey, but that Bottom 3 is correct based on last night's performances.

Seacrest goes to the judges and they are surprised but not surprised because of how talented each of the Top 5 are. Randy then "mentions" talking to Jamie Foxx last night and Seacrest calls him a name-dropper, so Randy responds that he and Jamie go "way back" and I say out loud, "To where? Journey?" Kara then cracks some blow-job jokes at her own expense in re: Adam and her mouth dropping open and the whole thing veers into a completely uncomfortable Cougar place. I thought the Constantine Flashback made me need an adult? That was NOTHING compared to the heebie-jeebies I have right now.

Now is Natalie Cole singing "Something's Gotta Give" from her album Still Unforgettable. If you're unforgettable once, how can you be STILL unforgettable? If you have to remind me that you're unforgettable, maybe you were never unforgettable in the first place. Anyway, it's very good, I like Natalie Cole's voice. She's wearing a beautiful gold dress and the horn section is having a ball. It's a complete 180 turnaround from last week's Drunk Grandma, Booby McDisco and an extra from The Sopranos trainwreck.

Seacrest shows us a live look-in on Matt, Kris and Adam backstage. He says they are "nervously awaiting" the results. But in actuality the three of them are chillin' like villains. I mean, really. If you make the Top 5, does it make THAT much difference? Some winners' CDs do well, some flop. Some finalists' CDs do well, some flop. It's all about your first album, let's be honest.

Speaking of winners who flopped... Taylor Hicks is singing "7 Mile Break-Down." I enjoy his military high-n-tight, it actually makes him look younger than his floppy hair. The song is... okay. As my dad remarks, "4-note song." His harmonica work is pretty awesome, I'll give him that, but the song doesn't impress. This is kind of like if your dad's band played a local festival and you were 13 years-old and all it does is embarrass you. (Not MY dad's band, just you in general. My dad's band was awesome.)

We bring our Bottom 3 back onstage and Seacrest sends Kris back to safety. Man, I would've sent Adam back to safety to keep some suspense going. There is no way Adam is going home. That would be ridiculous and if that were the result, Seacrest would've been hyping the SHOCKING results from the jump.

Our last performance is "Blame It" by Jamie Foxx. It's all electronic. Do not want! I wanted to hear him actually sing! Can I get some "Georgia on My Mind" up in here? Next!

We finally learn that Matt Giraud is leaving us tonight. Color me stunned. Matt did a nice job last night but it's just his time. He's not as good as the other four, it's as simple as that. He's still good and could have a very radio-friendly album. But now I'm ready for next week! Matt sings us out with "My Funny Valentine" and... wow, is it rough. Did he sound like this last night? Ugh. As I try to block this performance out and remember the good performances, I muse on next week's theme. Also, Idol finished 2 minutes early tonight! What is happening?!?!

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