'The Biggest Loser: Couples': Sugary sabotage

 "The Biggest Loser: Couples" sent everyone home this week, let them run wild in their natural habitat, and gave them a quasi-legitimate reason to eat gargantuan cookies.  Ooh, sugary sabotage! Yum!

Home sweet home
Everyone gets a (nearly identical) touching reunion with proud, happy, thrilled, and occasionally tearful and/or shrieking family members. Notable bits from the home front:

• Sione's wife was practically drooling when she saw him. I wouldn't be surprised if there was another baby (or at least a case of honeymoon cystitis) in her future.
• Ron's wife is a hottie. I never would have guessed.
• Mike's brother/Ron's son Max is also obese, and he broke down in sobs when the two of them came in. Poor kid -- it must be terrifying to feel like he's been left behind like that, but I hope he realizes that this means this is something he can achieve, too.
• Aubrey's father weighs more than 500 pounds, and she tries some tough love on him. He may or may not be ready to hear it.

The challenge
As soon as the welcome-home parties ended, the competitors got a gift from campus -- a tin of 13 ginormous cookies, plus a DVD of Alison announcing that everyone will be competing in a half-marathon (13.1 miles). The person with the fastest time wins $10,000. But there's a twist, of course: each cookie consumed can add 5 minutes to the race time of a competitor. So it's not just about speed -- it's also about who is willing to consume calories to screw their neighbor. Nice.
 
On race day, the competitors mass on their respective starting lines, their supporters gathered around them... and they're off! For most of them, that means running around an indoor track 130 times. So let's just do the highlights, shall we?

• Tara is really strong and fast. This isn't a surprise
• Sione is also really strong and fast. But with half a mile to go, he gets a debilitating leg cramp and falls to the ground in pain. After a lot of massaging, he manages to finish the race.
• Filipe's wife runs with him, and I kind of adore her. However, I REALLY want to buy her a sports bra.
• Mandi runs with Aubrey. They spend most of the time on an indoor track, but cross the finish line outside.
• Everyone completes the race -- except Ron.

 Tara and Sione are far ahead of everyone else -- Tara comes in at 2:24:19, while Sione completes the race in 2:25:57. Helen, the next closest competitor, comes in at 2:49:19.

Cookie Confessional
So it comes down to the cookies -- and the footage certainly made it seem like nearly everyone thought about spite-eating against Tara. Aubrey's family urges her to eat -- they want the $10K -- and Shannon tells Helen that she should scarf down a cookie and count it as her high-calorie day.

But when it comes to the Cookie Confession, only Helen admits to having indulged, and she ate against Tara. But wait a minute -- we saw Aubrey chowing down on 2 anti-Tara cookies. Did she not confess? Was she eating against someone else? What's going on? Hmmm.

The weigh-in
Team Black goes first, and everyone is worried. Most of them didn't need to be. Mike posts an 8-pound loss, while Filipe and Helen both lose 7 pounds. Laura loses 6 pounds, and Sione loses "just" 4 pounds. Then there's Tara, who outraced everyone, outtrains everyone, is more gung-ho than anyone ... and she lost "only" 2 pounds. She's devastated. Jillian tells her she's overtraining, but Tara doesn't want to hear it.

Team Blue starts off well -- Aubrey lost 5 pounds at home, while Ron lost 10. Mike is thrilled for his dad. But Cathy and Kristen... Cathy loses "only" 1 pound, while Kristen gains a pound. She's horrified. Team Blue loses again.

The elimination
I'm ready for the elimination debate this week. I've removed all the flingable objects from easy reach, I've soundproofed the room so my neighbors won't hear the shrieks, I've sedated the cat...But my prep-work is for naught. There's no voice-of-God pronouncement from Ron, no wrong-headed loyalty to a weaker player. First, that's because Ron had the highest percentage and therefore has immunity (Dammit!) and second, it's because Cathy falls on her sword to let Aubrey, the stronger player, stay. Whoa. That was unexpected. I wait for a double-cross at the voting table, but no, everyone accedes to Cathy's wishes. She looks great at her a-home interview: She's down to 215 pounds, and she's helping her daughters work out and lose weight, too. Congrats, Cathy!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• I know these people are getting into great shape, but is it REALLY a good idea to do a half-marathon with no training? Aren't they risking injury?
• Ron doesn't finish the race -- and he admits he had no intention of finishing. I'm torn on this -- he's got "one knee and one shoulder," as Mike says, so running any distance is probably impossible, or at least inadvisable. But still, I'm not sure four miles in less than 2 hours is really something to celebrate, and it reinforces my suspicion that Ron isn't even trying because he's confident his team won't vote to eliminate him.
• Helen worries about going home: "I'm afraid to be thrown back into that whole scenario of... life!" That's a problem, Helen, because life is what's going to be happening to you once you leave the ranch.
• The cookie scenario is interesting. Lots of people mention that Tara and Sione are the ones to beat, but no one seems to propose eating against Sione. This suggests that for some people, at least, it was less about winning, and more about screwing Tara's chances. Editing, or actual ill-will?
• Jillian was really getting on my nerves this week. You?
• Were you surprised by the elimination? What happened? Did the Voice of God leave Ron, or was he just as tired of losing as everyone else?

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