'One Tree Hill': The dog ate my donor organ

"One Tree Hill" literally put the heart-stopping in heart-stopping drama tonight, with a bizarre plot twist bordering on the farcical. Let's just say that Dan has a whole new way to look at the old saying "the dog ate my homework."

The show starts with Dan walking into the hospital as an animated character. I don't know what's going on, but I wish I could say this was the strangest thing to happen this week. Sadly, it's not even close. While Dan is waiting in the lobby (where everyone getting ready to receive a donor organ always waits) the doctor delivering his heart trips, it ends up on the floor AND A DOG EATS IT. I AM NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE. Apparently the dog was there because it ate a lot of it's owner's drugs and the drug dealer/owner was too dumb to take it to a veterinarian. I don't know, but it was awesome! Dan celebrates his bad luck by walking into the ocean and taunting God, who doesn't take the opportunity to drown him. Boo, God! Dan says goodbye to Jamie for good and tells him that he was the one who killed Uncle Keith, and then apologizes to Lucas and Nathan for everything he's ever done in his life.

Things with Lucas and Julian's film are over because Julian's Dad (a.k.a. the studio head) was fired, which basically means the movie is dead. This bad luck coincides with Brooke and Julian's passive aggressive game of he loves me/she loves me not which culminates in Julian leaving town. Snoozeville! The only saving grace of this story was watching Lucas pout because he lost his $300,000 production bonus and the return of James Van Der Beek.

Brooke and Sam have it out this week because Sam takes the blame when Jack shoplifts hot dogs from the only supermarket in America that puts electronic sensors on its food. Apparently they have a real run on prepared meats in Tree Hill. It must be the economy. Sam then has the gall to be upset with Brooke when Brooke gets angry at her, and doesn't even try to offer an explanation for her actions. I get it, because she was doing something noble that excuses her! Not really, Sam. Of course, in the end Brooke apologizes and even brings Jack over to stay with them, because nothing tells your daughter you love her like encouraging her relationship with a petty thief.

Also this week: Deb breaks up with Skills, Haley refuses to apologize for publishing Sam's essay and is fired, meaning she is now working full time as the producer on Mia's album, and Peyton is still in peril due to her fetus of impending doom.

Quick thoughts:

• According to a commercial the "One Tree Hill" characters are now Sims or something, which explains why Dan looked like he was in a video game hospital the beginning of the show. I guess? I don't know.
• Seriously, you guys. A DOG ATE DAN'S DONOR HEART. That's right up there with Keith's murder being solved by coma and Dan lighting Keith's grave on fire as one of the soapiest, awesomest things to ever happen on this show.
• We get a quick glance at Dan's giant headstone when he goes to visit Keith's grave. I love that thing, even though it makes no sense.
• The best part of the episode was the bitch fest at the bar where everyone had something bad they were drinking to forget about but Dawson was drinking in celebration because he got "paid for doing nothing." Hee!
• Julian referred to his forehead as a "fivehead," which tickled me. For those of you who were "Dawson's Creek" fans, you know this HAS to be a reference to James Van Der Beek's nickname of old on such sites as Dawson's Wrap and Television Without Pity.

What did you guys think? Are you still in awe over the heart-devouring canine?

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