'Chuck': Everybody talks -- but only super-spies talk with that delicious accent...

What's the most threatening thing Chuck could encounter -- assassins? Needles? Poison? Jeff in a bathrobe? Nope -- it's the AntiChuck,  a suave, gorgeous British superspy who threatens to sweep Sarah off her feet. It sure worked on THIS Sarah!

We're going to pretend that last week's episode didn't happen (or happened in the correct order) so all of this makes sense. Last time they talked, Chuck told Ellie that he and Sarah were never going to amount to anything. Ellie advises Chuck to break up with Sarah if she's not The One, and Chuck actually takes her advice. All the lying is too hard! Our fake relationship must end, since it will always be fake! Sarah agrees. But soon they've got bigger things on their mind...

When Andy Richter-spy's body is dug up from a CIA dumping ground (and don't you think the CIA would bury folks a little deeper, or maybe cremate them?) and his belt buckle is stolen (and don't you think the CIA would check all the possessions of said discarded enemy agents?), it means someone is after secrets. The perpetrator, Cole Barker, is a dashing British spyboy with delusions of Bond-hood -- and he may actually be able to pull that Bondening off. Since his belt contains the classified chip, and since he seems willing to drop trou in the proper company, Sarah is on seduction duty. Chuck immediately starts freaking out. Chuck -- you were on a break!

Things do not go well. Sure, Sarah gets Cole up to his room, and they commence shedding clothing, but Cole keeps managing to kick her purse -- which contains her gun -- away, and he uses the offending belt to bind her hands. Meanwhile, Casey goes after a couple of other Fulcrum agents who enter the elevator. If only a sweet young mom pushing a baby carriage didn't get on at the same time -- and if only Casey had looked in the carriage to see she was pushing a doll, not a real baby. She's Fulcrum, too! Casey is too busy trading shots to hear Sarah's distress call, so Chuck (who had been drowning his sorrows about Sarah getting busy with another man while dissing "nice guys" like Chuck) eventually goes to rescue her. Sarah's already taken things well in hand. But when she and Chuck escort Cole to the roof, a black helicopter starts shooting at them. Cole tells Chuck that he's an undercover MI-6 agent. He's one of the good guys! And he's very, very good at what he does. Rowr!

So now they've got the chip Cole was looking for, but not the playback device. Cole proposes setting up a meet with his contact, because the chip is unbreakable. Chuck, of course, takes that as a challenge. This is problematic, because, while he does manage to translate the information on the chip -- it's film of him becoming the Fulcrumsect! -- the chip sends a homing signal. Fulcrum agents take Sarah and Cole hostage, and come for Chuck. They're going to torture the identity of the Intersect/Fulcrumsect out of their trio of captives. Chuck is already willing to break in the pre-torture phase. He decides he can't allow Cole to be tortured and tells that he's the Intersect. Cole pooh-poohs that -- this wimp? Are you kidding? No, I am Intersect! Chuck protests, and Fulcrum Torture Babe menaces his eye with a needle, which causes Chuck to faint dead away. That's one way to avoid talking -- and, in fact, that was Chuck's plan.

Before any of them can break, Casey finds them and chases Fulcrum Torture Babe, who kills herself rather than allowing herself to be taken. After all, everyone talks eventually, and she can't allow that to happen.

Back at the Castle, Cole tries seducing Sarah a few more times, then goes for a novel approach -- honesty. You're stunning, I need a vacation, and you look like you do, too. You spend so much time caring for someone else, and not for yourself... Cole and Sarah end up in a passionate clinch, which Chuck spies. Col and Sarah don't leave together, but there's a problem: Cole gets captured by Fulcrum. Since he knows Chuck is the Intersect, Chuck needs to go on 24-hour protective detail. That means the fake/real relationship is back on, and Chuck and Sarah are moving in together.

The Buy Morons
Ellie is thrilled with this development, but Morgan... not so much. See, Morgan was staying with Chuck, Ellie and Awesome because Big Mike was spending much of his time introducing Morgan's mom to Little Mike -- and Big Mike "moans like a wounded sea loin." Eek. After Awesome and Ellie object to Morgan wandering around naked, Morgan decides he's got t o get his own place, and Chuck offers to move in with him. But then the protection detail news breaks, and Chuck and Morgan's' bachelor pad dreams crumble. I shudder to think of Morgan moving in with the Chuck and Sarah... but I suspect he'll try.

On the upside, Big Mike turns much of the running of the store over to Morgan. On the downside, Morgan turns the quest for a new Greenshirt over to Lester and Jeff. They decide to hold a casting couch/call among bikini models, who they lure with the promise of a promotional advertising campaign. It goes about as well as you can expect -- i.e., not well at all.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends:

• Chuck is ducking Sarah's calls, much to Ellie's dismay. Awesome supports that move: "Cold and detached is a very powerful aphrodisiac, babe." "So is abstinence," Ellie replies. "Wanna try it?" Awesome folds like a cheap suit.
• Chuck tries to break up with Sarahinthe time-honored fashion. "Probably not the best idea to give the 'it's not you it's me' speech to a trained assassin wielding a knife," Casey observes. 
• When Sarah and Chuck put a fork in their relationship, Casey exults: "Great! Most annoying romance of my life is finally over..." Oh, Casey. You KNOW you go home and write Chuck + Sarah 4eva fan fic on your LiveJournal...
• Big Mike says he needs to, um, help Morgan's mom out around the house. Doing what? Jeff asks innocently. "The plumbing in a mess," Big Mike replies. Morgan whimpers. "I got to lay down some pipe, I got to snake the drains, make sure everything's running smoothly again..." Lester looks ill. Jeff nods, completely oblivious.
• Morgan tries to ingratiate himself with Ellie and Awesome -- he runs them a hot bubblebath, pours ice-cold martinis, fixes a sumptuous dinner.. then ruins it all by wandering around in the buff. Oh, Morgan...
• Awesome explains the situation to Chuck he next morning: "The bearded buffoon sleeps au naturale. Which  I respect, but not on my couch."
• Jeff, in full seduction mode, in a bathrobe. Gah!
• Morgan scoffs that OF COURSE Sarah is The One for Chuck: "When Chuck is around Sarah, he is the Chuck we always dreamed of, the Chuck that has the potential to do anything in the world!" Ellie immediately starts having second thoughts about her advice.
• Chuck tells Ellie he's moving out. "Yes!" Ellie crows with delight. "And moving in with Morgan," he continues. "NOOOOOO!" Ellie screams. Morgan in unfazed, promising "video games and nudity all day and night." Again, gah!