'True Beauty': High Society Conjunction Function

On this week's very special episode of True Beauty, Ashton Kutcher's mom showed up to be a secret judge. I'm still convinced it was Tyra Banks in prosthetics and a fat suit.

These spoilers are one murse away from being Queen of the Gay.

Oh noes! The horn is honking. Must be time for another challenge. This week, the kids roll into a salon for some much-needed pampering. Vanessa explains they'll be going to a red carpet event with a pre-selected date. And who are their dates? Their moms. And one dad. Billy's mom couldn't make it, so his anti-Hollywood dad filled the shoes quite nicely.

Our stylist/actor of the day is played by the overly flamboyant gayboy Jordan, whose main mission is to get the contestants to trash talk each other. Of course, Joel and Laura take the bait. Meanwhile, the parents choose their kids' outfits for the evening. They all pick out some classy duds, even Laura's mom. Laura, however, would have opted for something a little sluttier.

Once everyone gets all sexed up, it's off to the unnamed theater somewhere in the Los Angeles area. They're greeted by hired photographers posing as paparazzi, and each team makes their way around the party. They're supposedly being judged on their poise, grace, and how awesome their boobs/hair look.

Oh, but there's a secret twist! Ashton Kutcher's mom is playing an ordinary party guest. Oh, you deceived them again, Ashton and Tyra! When will your trickery ever end? I bow down to your wit. Meanwhile, there's a crazy lady running around the party with her skirt in her undies. Everyone manages to laugh, except Julia and her stage mom, who promptly yank the skirt down. Then they solved world hunger.

A winner must be chosen. Laura seemed a little too worried about her appearance and didn't make enough conversation. Big words are hard. Billy worked the room well, but seemed a little fake with his selling-vitamins-in-Idaho shtick. Joel divided the judges. Vanessa loved his soft side for mommy, but Nolé thinks his personality fizzled. Julia remains to be discussed and/or commented on throughout this show.

Special Note to Vanessa Mannillo--please learn the difference between the words "me" and "I." Also please understand how to use them correctly in a sentence. You made us Grammar Nazis cringe on at least 37 occasions throughout the season. Thanks, yo.

After about 17 minutes of deliberations, Laura and Joel are off to the HOB. What, no final test? Lame. Anyway, it's not a shock to anyone that Laura is sent home. She stayed in far too long anyway. Her reaction to the whole charade was pretty humorous though. She went from shock to embarrassment to hilarity to sadness. It was quite the show. But hey, at least her boobs looked good. That's all that matters, right sweetheart?

Next week, we will finally release the doves and revel in this show coming to an end. One of the beauties will win all the fancy-schmancy prizes. Personally, Julia was too invisible to win. Billy's kind of a tool. And Joel is still too roid ragey. So who should it be?