'Burn Notice': To catch a spy

In a break from recent pattern, Michael doesn't take a job working for an impoverished person in peril this week on Burn Notice. No, he lands a cushy corporate security job (using a fake identity) just to pay the bills. Of course, a person in peril soon emerges, but that's only to be expected.

This spoiler would love a mango smoothie!

Michael poses as security consultant Miles Parker to work for gallery owner Scott Chandler. Someone has been breaking into his office, going through his files, even planting a bug on his phone. Who would do this -- and why?

It doesn't take Michael long to figure out that Melanie, the sweet little receptionist, is the culprit. But there's a reason, she says -- Chandler killed my father! Her long-lost dad was artist J.C. Blake, and Chandler was his art dealer. When Blake produced a painting that inspired a bidding war, he got sick of Chandler pressuring him to finish it and threatened to drop him. A month later, Blake was found bludgeoned to death in his studio, which was set on fire. The cops said it was a burglary gone wrong and that the painting was destroyed, but Melanie hears that the piece is being shopped around on the black market.

When Melanie's story checks out, Michael switches allegiances, working against Chandler in his own house. He has entirely too much fun rubbing Chandler's nose in the fact that he's the spy he's hunting -- "Are you hoping he walks through that door stands in front of you an says hi, I'm your spy?" and "Some spy gets blacklisted and goes freelance, he could be standing right in front of you and you wouldn't even know it!" are two particular gems -- while gaining his trust through tall tales and oblique threats.

Every time Chandler starts to get close to Melanie, Michael ups the ante. He has Fi and Sam track down Jacob Orr, Chandler's other security consultant/wetwork man, and place a bug on his phone. When Chandler sets a trap for the office spy, Michael gets Melanie to improvise a fake bomb, then has  Fi blow up Chandler's car in an effort to make it look like someone really is trying to kill them. That last bit of evidence prompts Chandler to lead Michael to the painting, which he was hiding behind another canvas at his house. Michael gleefully reveals himself as the culprit, takes the painting and runs. Because Sam told Orr hat Chandler sent him there to kill Orr so he could weasel out on the deal, Orr is not in the mood to listen when Chandler insists that "the spy" stole the painting. Bye bye, Chandler.

Michael returns the painting to Melanie, who (gasp!) actually pays him, as well as giving him one of her dad's paintings. Finally, Michael can afford more yogurt!

The Big Bad Plot
Michael goes to Seymour the arms dealer for help in tracking down Derek Poole, the bomber who almost killed him. Seymour is initially unhappy to see Michael -- "Security!" -- but he quickly gives in to his man-crush. "You are such a badass," Seymour simpers as Michael disarms him with ease. "it's kind of awesome. You need my help? One condition: you've got to teach me some moves!"

Seymour is pretty good at digging up information -- he finds out where Derek's girlfriend works, and that will lead them to Derek -- but he's lousy at spycraft. For instance, he tells his bodyguard to casually bug a car right in front of a Russian mob hangout. Not smart.

Fortunately, he is able to provide the specialized hardware Michael and Fi need to disarm Derek's booby traps and take him in. Derek doesn't know the name of the man who hired him, but he can give Michael the bank number that his payment was routed from. The employer made him memorize it. Hmmm. Could this be part of a trap?

Seymour is also there to dole out romantic advice. He's horrified to learn that Michael and Fi aren't really together, and he counsels them to make it work. "Don't argue with destiny! It will kick your ass." He also gives them a lovely parting gift to commemorate their time together -- matching throwing daggers with the word "destiny" engraved on them. What a romantic!

Spy tips from Michael:

• Hear a buzzing on your phone? It's possible someone planted an infinity transmitter in the base and didn't isolate the circuit, causing audible feedback. Sloppy spycraft!
• Spies have fun toys -- bugs, keystroke trackers -- but there's a problem: Those toys can break. More spies are caught changing batteries and fiddling with loose wires than any other activity.
• Need to wipe out security camera footage? You can make an electromagnet powered by a car battery, but make sure you use heavy-gauge wire, or you risk a fiery, acid-spewing explosion. Fun!
• It's harder than it looks for a female operative to pick a guy up in a bar. "Most men have a sense for when a pickup is going too well." I'm assuming it gets easier as more alcohol is consumed.
• Chloral hydrate is a great knockout drug -- but it only works if your target will drink it. If he's more interested in pawing at you, a handy wine bottle or two broken over his head is equally effective.
• Criminal conspiracies are very difficult to manage. After all, if you steal together, the other person knows you're a thief. If you kill together, the other person is all too wiling to believe you'd kill them. "It's a serious management issue."
• To shoot out an explosive device without igniting it, use disruptor rounds, which seem to be similar to paintball rounds, except they're filled with water. If you'e within 6 feet, they can be lethal. Farther than that, and they'll just hurt like hell.
• Cutting torches are no good for breaking into armored file cabinets containing documents -- you'll have a bonfire. Try a diamond-tipped drill bit with a cooling system.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• Hey, it's Lucy from The Practice and Tom Baldwin from The 4400! Hi, guys!
• I kind of love Seymour -- he's like a particularly lethal, very enthusiastic puppy -- but a little of him goes a long way. Keep him in reserve, ok, writers?
• Seymour's bodyguard was in for some rough treatment this week. First Fi kicks the crap out of him, then Michael beats him up in an effort to save him from being killed by the Russian mob. All that, and he's expected to make smoothies and take dictation!
• Fi apparently left while Michael was out getting breakfast -- she wasn't run off by Carla.
• There is quite a bit of tension between the two after they do the deed. Sam keeps grabbing a beer and excusing himself. He's dismayed at Michael -- when will you realize that when you touch fire, you get burned!
• He also lays into Fi a bit -- when they're discussing how to entrap Orr, he says "I'd say you have a gift for getting man to make bad choices." Heh.
• Sam, on Michael's gig: "Corporate espionage kind of fun -- no guns, no explosions, it's like going on the kiddy rides at the carnival!"
• Poor Sam, when he was Fi's backup in the hotel. He hears the battle with the wine bottle and tries to bust down the door. He bounces off it three or four times before Fi finally opens it.
• Michael, when he's running out to save Melanie and tick Chandler: "Fi, you got any explosives?" Fi: "I'll pretend you didn't ask that."