'American Idol': OH THE HUMANITY!

Hopefully tonight on American Idol we get some drama. The group performances are always an awesome trainwreck to watch. I said last night, I find it really ridiculous that they make individual artists perform as a group. But it provides for outstanding TV, woot woot! THIS... IS AMERICAN IDOL [bah dah da-da-da-da-da-da bud dahhhh]

Seacrest tells us that last night 40 were eliminated and there are 107 contestants left. That's not quite what we heard last night; did they let 3 people back in? Either way, the contestants divide themselves into groups and some have a problem finding partners. It's like grade school dodge ball all over again.

Tatiana del Toro is our first focus. She inserts herself into a group and immediately takes over, which is awesome. Her partners are pretty fed up. The groups rehearse late into the night. Rose Flack is with Lauren, Jasmine and Katrina and she's ready to stab herself with a pencil. I feel you, Rose. I feel you.

Friends Danny and Jamar are paired with two girls and seem to be having a great time. But outside, Tatiana is crying and melting down. Her group members think she's a saboteur, so she goes off to join another group. Nate Marshall and Nancy Wilson (unfortunately not Nancy Wilson from Heart) don't love her joining their group. It's quite a mess.

I've always wondered why people get so caught up in their dance moves and crap. It's about singing, just get up there and sing your best. It's not about dance moves.

Tatiana goes back to her old group and her second group is pissed at her. Tatiana is a schizo! She is being a huge drama queen. I LOVE IT! Make everyone crazy, Tatiana! That's what Hollywood Week is all about! Her second old group is getting along better without her and her first old group is arguing again. Lordy lordy. Get on with the singing!

Tatiana's second old group is now melting down at 2:30 am. Nancy Wilson has some freaky-ass red hair going on and an unfortunate skin-tight taupe-colored outfit. She is yelling at Kristen the blonde girl, who has that scary thing going where her top layer is blonde and her bottom layer is dark. That makes me think of a skunk.

Rose's group is not getting on terribly well because Katrina the Bikini Not-Nice-Word has decided to go to bed. Please, someone just go all Chief Bromden on her ass and smother her with a pillow. Please.

Back at Tatiana's second old group, Nate Marshall is crying and yelling and dragging other contestants into it. Nancy Wilson takes issue with him lumping her in with the blonde girl and it's just yelling and finger wagging and salty tears and carnage. WOOHOO!

Performance Day. It's 7:00 am and I'm ready for the bloodbath. Tatiana talks about how hot she looks and then gives that giggle that makes me want to throw my glass at the TV. Rose Flack's group goes looking for Katrina, who is still in bed. Offfff course she is. I would smack that girl up like the b*tch that she is. Rose, Lauren and Jasmine should just leave her ass in bed. Rose tries to peek under Katrina's comfortor and I get very scared for her because I envision Katrina growling, "Katrina's not here anymore!" and vomiting pea soup at Rose while grabbing her by the neck.

Bikini Not-Nice-Word finally DEIGNS to come downstairs, whining about being tired and only sleeping two hours. Unlike the other people who went to bed at 10 pm and slept all night. Seriously, if I made it to group day of Hollywood Week, I first of all would never pair up with a girl like this (you can smell them a mile away) but if I ended up with a b*tch in sheep's clothing I would have to be restrained from smacking the absolute crap out of her. Katrina sits down with her group and demands that they teach her what she missed. Oooh, cruisin' for a bruisin', Bikini Girl.

30 minutes into the show tonight we finally get performances. I enjoy the drama but I wish we got to see all the groups. There are 107 people, so let's say roughly 33 groups? That accounts for some groups of 4. If each group gets just 60 seconds of air time, that's only 33 minutes and leaves 9 minutes for filler. Harumph harumph.

The judges arrive and inform the contestants that if they forget the words, they are out. Brutal. Awesome. The first group is India Morrison, Justin Williams, Kris Allen and Matt Giraud. They sing "I Want You Back" and India starts off with a little rap. It's awesome. It sets the bar really high, everybody sounds fantastic, particularly Matt Giraud. I like his voice a lot. Justin is the weakest link, but they all do a nice job. Their harmonies are great and India's rap is fantastic. She doesn't sing as much as she should have, but it was quite good. They are all through to the next round. YAY!

Montage of Bad Performances: Maryn Azoff having a little spazz, Austin Sisneros forgetting the words, JB Ahfua flubbing the words too, Shelby Swartwood doo-doo-dooing, Julissa Veloz going off-the-rails, and Simon telling them it was a total mess. We see Jorge Nunez and Nick Mitchell make it through from their group, the girls are sent packing.

Now we have Anne Marie Boskovich, Emily Wynne-Hughes, Alex Wagner-Trugman, and Ryan Pinkston singing "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." They seem to be really focusing on choreography, which is SO not the point. They get onstage and it's a little trainwrecky. Some of the harmonies are a little sketchy and Emily does a nice job except she forgets the words. Yikes. Alex and Anne Marie are sent through, Emily and Ryan are sent home. Bummer, I liked Emily but she really screwed the pooch in Hollywood. It's like she didn't take it seriously.  Ryan thinks Paula is evil, which is pretty sour grapes. Speaking of grapes, Paula has a sparkly purple shirt on that really frightens me. But she isn't evil. I don't think.

After a Simon Insult Montage, we get the group of Danny Gokey, Jamar Rogers, Taylor Vaifanua, and a girl who doesn't get her name on a graphic singing "Somebody to Love." Damn, that sucks! Who is that girl? They do an awesome job. They go acapella and their harmonies are tight and fantastic. I am SO impressed. This group plus the "I Want You Back Group" should all be Top 36 just for these performances. Holy cow. They are all through to the next round, yay! I do a little digging and find out the 4th group member is Moorea Masa, which is a kick-ass name. She also has some kick-ass vocals, I'm sorry you didn't get a graphic, Moorea. I'll give you some love here!

Montage of Rejections and then Montage of Hot Vocals with Michael Sarver (going by Jeremy now, apparently), Adam Lambert, Matt Breitzke, and Jesse Langseth. They are in different groups, but all get put in a montage and are all through to the next round.

Now we get "Team Diva," which isn't terribly apropos because the only diva in the group is Katrina, but whatever. Rose Flack, Jasmine Murray, Katrina Crazypants, and Lauren Barnes sing "Mercy." Well, Lauren, Katrina and Jasmine sing it and Rose kind of mumbles because she forgets the words. Really the only one worth a darn in this performance is Jasmine. Simon calls them out on not working together and Katrina bitches and moans about her high heels and how tired she was and Simon sees right through the bullcrap. Jasmine is the only one through. Thank god. Lauren and Rose go to hug Jasmine and Katrina just walks off stage. I hope she gets hit by a bus. Unless she actually gets hit by a bus. Then I'll feel bad. Maybe.

Out in the hall, Katrina tries to defend herself and I throw up in my mouth a little. Rose cries and frankly, she should've known better than to pair up with that group. Seriously, you don't get in bed with a girl like Katrina. And I mean that both figuratively and literally, ifyaknowwhatimean. And I think you do.

As group day comes to an end, we see David Osmond, Austin Sisneros, and Deanna Brown get cut.

Our second to last group is Muna Hiluf, Tatiana del Toro, Kaylan Loyd, and Tryphaena Nimmons (I think). It's horrible, plus Tatiana doesn't stop singing when the judges tell them to stop. Classy, Tatiana. They are all through to the next round. Wha-wha-WHAT? What were the judges LISTENING to? Seriously! That was awful! Out in the hallway, Tatiana starts weeping and thanking everyone and it's kind of gross.

The last group is Nate Marshall, Nancy Wilson and Kristin McNamara. They sing "Mercy" and Randy quips that they need "hair mercy." Snerk. +1, Randy. Nate does a nice job, Nancy screws up and sounds bad, Kristin does a nice job. Simon accuses them of singing badly as backups on purpose and that one girl is safe and one isn't. It better be Kristin because Nancy really pooped the bed this time around. And Nate and Kristin are through, Nancy isn't. She's a big ol' drama-queen snot about it and has some bleepity-bleep words for Kristin on her way out. Well. There ya go. Classy.

Montage of Rejections. Tears and sighs. Awww. [snicker]

Seacrest informs us that 75 people are still in it, which means  they are eliminating over half of the people left. Intense. And then my TIVO cuts off. See you guys next week for the Room Eliminations! Andrea out.