'90210': VD has everybody crazy

Previously on 90210, I Moan moved into a hotel suite, Adrianna came clean about her pregnancy to the entire school via a closed-circuit broadcast, Dixon and Silver renewed their love, and Julie Taylor Rhonda started her devious plan to drive a wedge between Ethan and Annie.

Dixon & Silver & I Moan
Ms. Clark is living pretty high on the hog in the Neptune Grand some swanky Beverly Hills hotel. There's a hottie new bartender at her hotel, who soundly takes care of some snotty cliched British rock star with a vicious arm twist. Helloooo bartender. I also know him as the First Son from Commander in Chief.

Silver has now gone a little "love" crazy. She can't stop saying it to Dixon and she's gone up to 11 on the schmoopiness scale. She picks Annie's brain at lunch about what she can do that is special for Dixon for Valentine's Day. Silver overhears I Moan talking up her hotel's restaurant and gets a thoughtful expression.

The restaurant won't let her in, but she finds out they keep a few tables reserved for guests. So Silver asks I Moan for help. After securing a table, Silver offers to buy I Moan a drink and we get more bartender! Woo hoo! Silver then pretends to be British so she sounds older because Liam the bartender doesn't know I Moan is in high school. Oh, these madcap Beverly Hills girls! But Liam does openly flirt with I Moan.

I Moan helps Silver get ready for the dance and they are both enjoying hanging out with each other again. Silver tells I Moan to send Liam a bottle of champagne telling him to meet her by the pool. Nice call, Silver.

Dixon meets Silver for dinner and is all lovestruck. Dinner goes really well, until the restaurant runs out of chocolate cake and Silver goes ballistic over the night not being perfect. Dixon has to rein her in by giving her her gift, which is a personalized silver bracelet. She responds by suggesting they get a room because she "wants to be with [him]." Dixon leaves a teenage-boy-sized hole in the wall on the way out of the restaurant. They head upstairs and Silver gets out a condom. Yay for safe sex, 90210! They get their Brenda-and-Dylan on.

Meanwhile, I Moan waits for Liam out by the pool. He never shows and she goes home alone. Sigh.

Monday at school, Silver shows Dixon that she got his name tattooed on her hip. Dixon leaves a totally different teenage-boy-shaped hole in the wall.

In math class, Liam shows up as a new student and I Moan about swallows her tongue. Turns out I Moan's bottle of champagne tipped off his mom to his job at the hotel and now he's back in high school. Whoops.

Ethan & Annie (& Rhonda)
Rhonda and Ethan went to some artsy-fartsy documentary last night that was all about one profound moment changing you and the accident changed them and blahblahblah barfaroni. I'm with Annie on this one. These two are gross.

Rhonda suddenly comes clean about faking how bad her injuries are in order to get Ethan to hang out with her more. The big doe eyes and sincere apology sucker him right in and he tells her that they're friends now and that they like each other. Oh, Ethan.

Annie heads to her acting seminar, where she performs Fantine's monologue from "Les Miserables." It's forced and surface-y. Her instructor wants to see her desperation, but she can't do it and he eventually asks her to just stop. Snerk.

Later, Annie finds out that Ethan asked Rhonda to help him buy her a Valentine's gift. Annie asks her if she's going to the dance and Rhonda regales them with the tale of her Never-Been-Kissed-Carrie-Mean-Girls dance experience that ended with her taking her mom's sleeping pills. Now THAT is how you give a monologue, Annie. What a performance.

Speaking of performance, we're back in Annie's class. The instructor asks her to tell a story to the class, something really painful and hard to say out loud. She then cribs Rhonda's story about the dance, complete with tears and all. The instructor thanks her and says he knew she had it in her, while Ethan watches from the doorway. Annie chases after him, but he can't even look at her and now she cries for real. Just for the record, I still smell a rat. Rhonda was making it all up.

At the dance, Ethan shows up and dances with Rhonda, ignoring Annie's many phone calls. Annie leaves tearful messages. Ethan walks Rhonda out to her car and she kisses him, but he pulls away. He says they are friends and that he has a girlfriend. Rhonda says that he broke up with Annie because he danced with her all night and said she looked beautiful and stood there with her after the dance. He apologizes and she "whatevers" him and drives off. Uh oh. Better hide those sleeping pills, mom.

At school, Ethan is caught between his story-stealing girlfriend and his off-the-rails nutjob friend and he has an "I choose me" moment and walks off.

Adrianna & Navid
Navid is hanging all over Nika and gets caught trashing Adrianna to some random dudes. He has the grace to look embarrassed. Since it's Valentine's Day, roses are being sent out around school from admirers. Adrianna's is from the faculty. Ouch.

She runs into Navid after school and he tries to apologize. She's cold at first, but they are laughing together in no time. She tells him he's a special guy and she's glad he met someone else and can be normal. He gets all moon-faced. Awww, Navid still lurves her!

He takes Nika to the V-Day Dance, which is the most hilarious spectacle in the entire world because there are, like, 8 people on the dance floor.

Adrianna sits at home alone and eats chocolate and watches movies. It's very cute but a little sad. Later, Navid shows up and she is passed out next to a box of chocolates with some smeared chocolate on her face. He tells her that she's a total mess but that he couldn't care less. He tells her he wishes she was at the dance with him tonight. He then asks her if she'll be his Valentine and they kiss, chocolate-smeared-face and all.

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Next week: street racing. Kick. Ass.