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RSS'The Bachelor': The crazy eyes DO NOT have it this week
Previously on The Bachelor... Natalie got harshly dumped, Shannon threw up, Megan rolled her eyes back in her head so far I thought they'd pop out, and Kari and Erika were sent home. Who will go home tonight?
Tonight there is a double-date where only one girl returns. DUN DUN DUN. They also call it a "two-on-one," which seems not-ready-for-primetime. There is also a solo date that is going to be won based on each girl writing and performing an original love song. They have 30 minutes to do it. This is kick-ass. What a completely horrible thing to do to people! Shannon is rapping. WOO! Crazy Eyes (Nikki) is having a meltdown about it.
Molly goes first. She goes for humor and it's cute. Shannon's rap song is surprisingly good, she goes balls out. I admire her gumption. Then there are some boring ones, they kinda blend together. It turns out Stephanie can actually sing, which is kinda cool. Finally Lauren does an actual full-length song, full of angst and emotion. I can't decide if it's awesome or creepy. I'm leaning towards awesome. Nikki sings a song she'd like to sing to her baby someday, which is actually adorable. Harumph. Don't make me like Crazy Eyes! Jason picks Molly, which surprises me.
Molly gets to go on a floor picnic with Jason. It's pretty boring. BUT THEN Molly puts on Jason's t-shirt and basketball shorts and they go out to a campfire and tent. He gives her a rose and they eventually go into the tent. We are then treated to the sounds of "you have super-soft skin" and then smacking sounds.
Back in Crazy Town, Shannon is waiting up for Jason. Because she's seen every episode of The Bachelorette he was on and she knows his favorite color and cologne and mom's birthday and his social security number and she's a freaking lunatic.
The next morning Molly and Jason return and she's still in his clothes and it's a little Walk-of-Shamey. Shannon is sitting on the stoop waiting for her. Not really, but would you be surprised? Nikki talking-heads, "What happened to your clothes, missy?" and then Shannon spots Molly just returning to the house and gives her effing dagger eyes. Shannon is going to stab Molly in her sleep tonight.
Today, the group date girls are Jillian, Lauren, Shannon, Megan, Melissa and Naomi. The two-on-one date is Stephanie and Nikki. All I gotta say is Nikki better get the boot. She terrifies me. Nikki immediately starts crying and stressing out about it, which OF COURSE means she's staying because I've watched TV before in my entire life.
Group Date. The theme is "wanna play doctor?" Yikes. They pile in a limo and arrive at the set of General Hospital. Naomi freaks, which is weird to me because I wouldn't recognize a soap set if it smacked me in the face. Jason is excited because "the girls can show [him] if they got any acting skills ... they can be more dramatic." I just have to say... does a reality love show contestant really want to know that his girlfriend has "acting" skills and also... does a show like this need more drama? I think not.
When it's time for a volunteer for an example kiss with Jason, Shannon leaps into the air waving her hand and Jason's smile gets strained. The kiss is nice but she thinks they now have a connection. Oooh, I hope she gets thrown over at episode's end. Hahaha.
They start filming and Naomi is a slutty maid and they kiss. Then Lauren bursts in as the wife, smacks them both and calls them both whores. But the director keeps yelling cut, Lauren keeps screwing up and Naomi gets to kiss Jason about 10 times. The other girls are slowly losing their minds.
Next scene. Jason proposes to Jillian and they smooch. Seriously, all the smooching of Jason is kind of gross. That's one of the things that would really bother me on a show like this. Melissa is getting as bothered as I am.
Next scene. Megan and Jason express their love, then Megan goes for the gusto with the smoochies. She, like, eats his face. She talking-heads that she's now "caught up" with the other girls. Lordy. Also, Melissa loses her crap about him kissing the other girls.
Jason takes the girls to a Hollywood wrap party. He takes alone time with each girl. Most of them cry. Megan looks kind of mannish in her dress. Lauren interrogates him about keeping Megan in the last rose ceremony and then half-demands that he give her the rose. WOW. Melisas cries and cries, it's kind of gross. She then makes out with Jason and Shannon manages to interrupt them like the batcrap crazy stalker that she is.
In her one-on-one, she cries and begs him to keep her there and says they have a connection and that she wants to be a mother and meet Ty and Jason's Crazy Radar is going BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Seriously, what is this girl's DEAL? She is BEGGING him. It's disgusting. Have some self respect, girl.
Jason ends up giving the rose to Naomi, saying, "Thanks for being you." That's nice. Lauren, Megan the Man and Shannon are pissed. Shannon now has to decide whether to stab Molly or Naomi tonight. It's a tough decision.
Two-on-One Date Time. It's a formal date, Jason is in a black suit and Stephanie and Nikki are in formal dresses. They both look very pretty, I will give them that. But there is no hiding the fact that I'm rooting for Stephanie, even if I don't think she's The One for Jason. She's way cooler than Nikki. Nikki is nuts.
They go to a gorgeous restaurant to go dancing. They learn how to waltz but Stephanie totally rocks it because she's a ballet teacher. Awesome. Nikki totally feels like a third wheel while Steph and Jason dance. Haha. They get their one-on-one time and Nikki won't shut up about her ex, which is always a good tactic. Stephanie is full of platitudes and fireworks and sparkage... that Jason is not feeling, I don't think. Surprisingly, he gives Steph the rose. I figured Crazy Eyes had him mesmerized into giving her the rose and that Steph and Jason might be good friends but not anything romantic.
Back at the house, the other girls watch the security dudes take away Nikki's luggage. They act like Nikki died. Oh my GOD, it's not like they take her out back and SHOOT HER.
Time for One-on-One Shenanigans. Jillian babbles and they kiss. Melissa manages not to cry her eyes out again and I am struck by how much she looks like Mandy Moore on Scrubs. They kiss too. God, this guy is a Makeout Whore. Megan the Man bitches in the house about not having enough one-on-one time with Jason. Well maybe it's because you're secretly a post-op tranny and he's frightened of you.
He immediately comes to get her and in one-on-one time she uses the phrase "O M G," which makes me want to run her down with a bus. Don't talk like a 12 year-old girl texts please. Jason waltzes with her and I fear she's sticking around another week. Le sigh.
Jason takes Shannon and Lauren in one-on-one time together, which must be driving them both crazy. Lauren's contempt is thinly veiled, so Jason pulls her aside and she comes right out and is actually mad at him for not giving her the rose on the group date. Way to let the crazy shine through, Lauren. High five!
Rose Ceremony. Naomi, Molly and Stephanie already have roses. There are 3 other roses and two girls are going home. Please be two of Megan, Shannon and Lauren! Please be two of those three!
Jason's first rose is for Melissa. Cool. She cries a little too much for my taste but that's a solid pick out of the crazies he's got left. The second rose is for Jillian. Woo hoo. I'm two for two. The final rose is probably for Megan because he seems to not see her mannish qualities just yet and Lauren and Shannon really let their freak flags fly in this episode.
The final rose is given to... NOBODY!!!! WOO HOO! I WIN! I WIN! THE DUTCH GIRL PICKED ME! ME! NOT YOU! HOLLAND LOVES CHANDLER! THANK YOU AMSTERDAM, GOOD NIGHT!
Oh, this was a good night on The Bachelor. The 4 Crazy Girls went home: Nikki, Shannon, Megan and Lauren. Yippee. We're down to Jillian, Melissa, Stephanie, Molly and Naomi. I'm pretty much okay with all of them, though I think Melissa needs to rein in the water works a little.
Who will go home next week? Who is your favorite still in the running? Are you doing a happy dance like me because the loonies seem to be gone?
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Zap2it Twitter Talk 
Watching him and Stephanie kiss was like watching a guy making out with his aunt. The fact that neither Lauren, Shannon and Megan were even worthy of another week is so embar***ing. Anyway, he'll pick Melissa in the end. And she'll make a great Bachelorette after they break up. I wonder if ABC pick up Ty's future therapy bills.
Hmmmm.....I'm just not seeing it yet.
I don't think he should pick any of them, but he said he did and is engaged and very happy. Hmmmm......
I have a comment I always read your stuff and it rocks.My comment though is why do they all wear pony tails during the final rose.What is the deal and it like all the pony tail go off to the side this year? Sorry been bugging me. I was glad to see shannon go but who didn't want to see her go postal when she got dumped. I guess her puppy got her Jason love from the sounds of her goodbye. I also thought you get up set he pulled back during the kiss let's see you have tissue and boogers on your face and mouth . Sorry Shannon no mattter how myuch someone likes you noone wants that.Lauren to me was asking to be sent home. I think Jason saw his future with her and it was afraid of it. Not to mention seeing his little boy's future step mom yikes scary
sorry I meant he was afraid not it was afraid sorry lol
Jason telling the girls without mincing about that they needed to just "suck it up" was awesome. (Or should I say AMAZING?) =)
Good riddance to the crazies. Seriously, how do these women not just hang their heads in shame when this airs?
Fabulous moment: Melissa's talking to all the girls at the party and says that at this point they all feel like they have a "special" connection with him. Slow pan across the couch and we can see them all thinking the EXACT same thing: "Oh please, I KNOW I have a connection with him, but none of these other women do!"
aaron - *lol* I like your read on the whole thing.
Megan very much looked like a man.
Melissa did get a little weepy, true, but pay attention to Jason's reaction when she did....when everyone else cried, they got a little pat on the back. Maybe a hug. When Melissa cried, he pulled her to him and cuddled her. I'm putting my money on her.
Thrilled the crazies are gone (I can't believe Nikki waited so long to tell Jason about her 11 year relationship! I think that's what did her in. He figured if she kept something that big from him, she was probably hiding other things too.)
Can I just say that when Shannon talked about going home, using her electric toothbrush, and FRENCH KISSING HER DOG all I could think was "eww!!!!!!!"
I want Naomi to go home next. As much as I've grown to like her, I kind of want Stephanie to go home too. :-\
So many things bugged me - yes, the side ponytails were weird, yes there is no way he could actually like Stephanie and yes, him kissing all of those girls at every turn was making me start to really not like him.
Did anyone else notice that when its 'talking heads' time, they always have their necklaces off? Just wondering why.
And my final thought - 'puppy' is code word for 'va-jay-jay!' (Shannon going to go home and play with her puppy...)
I LOOVVVE Stephanie, i think they will be good together :)
Andrea, great recap I laughed all the way through! I can't believe Jason sent Shannon, Lauren and Megan home, but I am so glad he did.
One thing that wasn't mentioned is that after the rose ceremony is over they have a short recap of unseen scenes and last nights was of Lauren singing a song about being rich and famous, which of course is a total coincidence for a woman on a reality show.
I think Shannon for all her craziness knew something was up as she knew he pulled away from kissing her. I hope her family sits her down and explains to her why she is single when she gets home and gets her some therapy too. PLEASE KEEP HER AWAY FROM ANIMALS!!!
Poor Stephanie, Jason really likes her and knows she has been through a lot, but when they kissed it was awkward.
All in all was a good night, but everyone wearing a side ponytail did look weird.
Can't wait until next weeks train wreck.
I'm so glad Shannon, Megan and Laruen are gone...they were just too weird! And Shannon is going to go home and snuggle with her dog and hold her electirc tooth brush---think she's already done too much of the latter! Couldn't have stood another session with any of them. I don't think there's a match with Stephanie or Naomi, but I think he's genuinely interested in Melissa, Jillian and Molly--all 3 of whom I personally like. I'm not thrilled that Deanna is coming back on the scene...I actually think she's a little psychotic--!