'Rock of Love Bus' Dressed to depress

Brett has managed to cull the herd of badly behaved Barbie wanna-bes to a somewhat more manageable ten on the Rock of Love Bus. And when I say more manageable, I am referring specifically to the amount of money spent keeping the bar stocked.

The show starts off with a bit of bad news, as John tells the girls that Maria was taken to the hospital during the night and will not be rejoining the tour. They never tell us what her mysterious ailment is, but I will miss her ridiculously defined cheekbones. They were hypnotic. Brett calls her up and goes to visit her before heading off to Chicago, where the remaining 9 girls were told to "dress to impress".

Now, in my world, that phrase would call to mind a classic cocktail dress or perhaps tailored pants and an elegant blouse, either tastefully accessorized. To the girls, however, this translated into wearing their most favorite bits of underwear. And heeds. Maybe silicon causes disordered thinking? I have no idea what was supposed to be impressive about what any of them were wearing. Then again, the total lack of self-respect displayed was pretty impressive.

They arrive at the challenge and find out they will be split into two teams who then must race to strike a stage set. In their underwear. At least they are provided with steel toed work boots. The girls are split into two teams of 4, with Marcia winning immediate ViP status through the luck of the draw. As the girls race to load trailers and take apart risers, Marcia grabs Brett to tell him she's not in love with him because she doesn't know him. He concurs, adding that he's not in love with her either, but he is in lust with her. She shrugs and says she's not even in lust with him. Which is honest, but not smart. I think her brain has been fermented in too much 1800. Also, through this entire segment, her boobs had to be blurred out because she couldn't keep them contained in her poorly fit bra. Classy!

Taya throws herself into the challenge and then throws herself off the stage. However, she pops right back up, despite the actual roadies trying to find out if she's been seriously hurt. She laughs it off and insists she's alright, but the way she's throwing equipment at them is what really makes them back off. And a moment later, she's sobbing. This would be where a normal person might try to gently pull her aside and tell her that the competition is just that and suggest that maybe she get a drink of water and calm down. Farrah decides to berate her instead.

The winning team is Ashley, Beverly, Natasha and Brittanya, with Marcia joining them in the ViP suite. They find clothing and gift boxes containing bracelets for each of them, while the losing team sits on folding chairs, eating potato chips, outside the bus. However, they are each given a phone programmed with a number and told that whomever has the one that actually dials to Brett will get to join the ViPs. Kelsey gets the good phone and Mindy sulks harder while Taya pouts more and Farrah snears.

When it's show time, the ViP girls are led to the side of the stage while the other girls are led to the general admission seating.During the course of the show, Beverly sings on all the songs, Marcia gives away her bracelet to a random fan, and Mindy prominently crosses her arms and scowls. Which Brett claims to see and be irritated by. After the show, he goes to crash while the girls go to party with his band. The all have too much to drink and at some point, Beverly kisses the drummer and Ashley has a drunken sloppy meltdown over it. And then she demands a cheeseburger. And then she pukes. Repeatedly and proudly.

The next morning, the girls ask Beverly what she was doing with the drummer, noting that she must have been drunk because he wasn't cute. They ViPs arrive for their date with Brett at a microbrew restaurant, sample the beers and sit down to eat. Ashley decides to tell Brett about how sweet it was for Marcia to give away the gift he gave her, proving her ability to manipulate. Brett asks about the kissing incident and Beverly tries to defend herself while the other girls hurry to throw her under the bus. But, Brett has the last word when he says no matter how drunk he got, he wouldn't make out with one of her friends. Yeah, I'm sure he's a real paragon of virtue.

At the elimination ceremony, Brett gets down to the final three of Mindy, Marcia and Beverly. He then dismisses John, telling him he doesn't need those passes. For one glorious moment, I think he's going to eliminate all three of them. While I would hate to see Beverly go, since she's the most sane person on the show (Not counting John), getting it down to 6 now would mean we would all have to endure this trash for just that much less time. Alas, it is not meant to be, as he tells Mindy and Beverly to step up their game and kicks Marcia off the tour. I wonder how much money they'll save in 1800 alone?

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