Premierewatch: The Closer

Brenda Leigh and company are back with The Closer, and it's about time! We finally find out the fate of Sanchez, who we last saw bleeding copiously after the mall attack. Plus, we find out what it takes to get Brenda to actually visit a potential wedding venue. Shockingly enough, it involves crime!

This spoiler LOVES the idea of Ho-Hos for wedding favors.

Brenda's folks are in town as they prepare for a cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary -- and try to prepare for Brenda's wedding, too. But Brenda is... Brenda, so the only thing that really gets done is cake tasting. She spends much time ducking her parents, who want to look at wedding venues. It's enough to make her daddy grumble: "If that girl had her way, she's ask a minister to stop by a crime scene, and then serve Ho-Hos out of her purse!"

Our corpse of the week, Jeff Crawford, committed suicide... or did he? Well, since he's on this show, the answer is most likely no. The medical examiner thinks it was murder, and he demands that Priority Homicide take the case. The rest of the squad is dubious, but Sanchez (He's alive! He's back! He's ticklish!) notices that the blowback looks like someone was there in the room with the victim.

First suspect: Jeff's brother. Jeff was a junkie and he stole money from their joint contracting business. Plus, the brother was the sole heir in Jeff's will, and the beneficiary of a $2 million life insurance policy. Finally, he lent his suicidal brother his gun. That seems pretty damning.

Also suspicious: Jeff's ex-wife, who had been suing him for back alimony and child support, and who confiscated all of Jeff's things before the body was cold. She isn't terribly cut up about him dying. She refuses to turn over Jeff's stuff until Brenda has her arrested for grand theft. At least part of that theft came from her filching excess candy from Brenda's sugar drawer. THAT will get you in trouble...

Then there's Jeff's pastor, who found the body. He talks a good game about helping the needy, but Brenda is suspicious about the way he raises money for his congregation -- "Pastor Hicks flips funds around like a Swiss banker," she complains. But Pastor Hicks won't open up the church's books without a court order. He dismisses the idea that Jeff would steal from the church -- he's changed! just look at all the work he did putting together a fundraising website for Beth, his cancer-stricken girlfriend! And when she turned down his proposal, he retuned the ring and donated the money to her medical fund!

At this point, life intervenes, in the form of Clay having  a heart attack. Turns out this wasn't even his first cardiac incident -- he had a heart attack two years ago, but Brenda's folks didn't want to bother her with the news. Note to parents: This is news that really should be shared. It's no bother.

Clay gets to the hospital in time and gives Brenda the clue she needs when he complains that the itemized hospital bill is enough to make his heart stop again. But Jeff had one of his girlfriend's bills in his car, and it wasn't itemized. That's because she didn't actually have cancer. Oh, she had a scare, but it turned out to be benign. But she was loving the attention -- and the donated cash -- so much that she lied to the church, going so far as to shave her head to look the part. Jeff found out. He forgave her, but he told her she had to tell the church and give the money back. That didn't go over well, and she shot him. That, plus wire fraud for accepting donations for fraudulent reasons, means she's going away for life.

The home front
Brenda seems deeply ambivalent about wedding planning. She suggests that she just wear the dress from her first wedding, which provokes parental palpitations -- that dress is cursed! Clay says. Besides, we like to pretend that marriage never happened, Willie Ray says. Heh. In the end, Willie Ray asks if she wants to have the wedding in their hotel room in Hawaii with just a few people. Brenda is thrilled -- that's perfect.

The squad
Sanchez survived! And he's actually looking incredibly fit. He wants to get back to active duty, but medical hasn't cleared him yet. Provenza keeps saying the paperwork is just held up, but Brenda starts getting suspicious. She actually has Sanchez raise his arm and then pokes away at his former wounds -- which just tickles.

In the end, we discover that Sanchez is physically in great shape -- but behavioral won't sign off on his going back on active duty until he meets with a therapist, something Sanchez has been avoiding. Provenza has been running interference for Sanchez. Pope recommends that Brenda let Provenza work his magic -- he's more likely to get Sanchez to comply through guile than Brenda is through threats or orders.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• We open with Brenda trying on wedding veils, and oof, that first one is a bit much. Brenda agrees -- "Who designed this veil -- the Taliban?" Hee!
• Brenda takes the cake samples into the office, where the medical examiner waits with gruesome pictures of a corpse. Flynn and Provenza work that into the tasting -- "If you still like it while you're watching somebody who blew their brains out, this is the cake for you wedding!"
• Sanchez went through hell -- " The guy's had five surgeries, and a shoulder reconstructed from cadaver parts," Taylor says. Dude-- Sanchez has a zombie shoulder! Aieee!
• When Sanchez points out the blowback pattern on the crime scene photos, Brenda starts digging in her purse for her glasses. When she can't find them, she steals Tao's glasses of the top of his head.
• Brenda plays innocent little helper when Flynn and Provenza are interrogating Jeff's brother. The guys have a great time ordering her around.
• Brenda tells her folks that she's got a possible wedding venue to look at -- but it's Pastor Hicks' church, which used to be a roller rink. Willie Ray asks if she can sit in on a prayer group, but Pastor Hicks tells her that's actually a support group for overcoming sexual addiction. Willie Ray is speechless. Clay tries to distract her: "Let's see how they've sanctified the concessions stand."
• Flynn and Provenza are having way too much fun at the church. "Would you believe they do baptism in a hot tub?" Flynn crows. "What about weddings, pastor?" Provenza asks. "You know, roller derby always seemed like the perfect preparation for marriage."
• Clay talks to Brenda in the hospital: "This wasn't nearly as bad as the last time," he says. "My first heart attack, the pain was so bad I wanted to die. This time, I just wanted to kill you." Heh.
• Clay and Willie Ray are staying with Brenda while Clay recuperates. He complains that he can't work the TV: "There's nothing but snow! It looks like the arctic. I think I see a dogsled in there." I choose to see that as a shout-out to his Northern Exposure days...

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