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Premierewatch: 'The Bachelor' rings in the new year with Jason Mesnick
Welcome to the lucky 13th season of The Bachelor, the show that makes me feel great about my life choices. Sure, I may have gained a couple pounds over the holidays, and sure, I may have stayed up really late last night watching old episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8, but at least I'm not blabbering about vision boards on national television.
Our Bachelor this season is Jason Mesnick, a single dad who was brutally rejected by DeAnna on The Bachelorette, who was in love with someone else. Okay, he's pretty cute. He's from Seattle, land of flying dead fish, and has a three-year-old son (Ty) whom he's brought with him. Because god knows there's no environment more nurturing than one full of slutty drunks. Soak it all in, Ty.
Slutty drunk roll call!
Jillian - Strike one: She's Canadian. (Just kidding, friends to the North!) Strike two: One of the restaurants she's designed has ornately framed paintings on the ceiling. Ugh. Strike three: I hate the "I work hard and play hard" cliché. Is that still considered original in Canada?
Stacia - Stacia is a single mom (with a great haircut), and her son is ADORABLE. He looks like a younger version of the kid who plays Parker on Bones. That said, how weird is it to say she gave up on dating as a single mom until hearing that Jason was the Bachelor? There are no single dads out there NOT on reality TV shows?
Dominique - She's from small-town Pennsylvania and looking to expand her dating pool. I'm going to reserve (negative) judgment...she actually seems kind of quirky funny. In an intentional way. And Jason clearly thinks she's super cute.
Melissa - Melissa is from Dallas, is a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and somewhat resembles DeAnna. Slam dunk? Or touchdown in her case, I guess. Although how did she let Jason actually bring up Dallas football without mentioning that she was a cheerleader? Whoops.
Nikki - Okay, they actually make this poor woman wear her beauty queen sash and tiara while dusting a coffee table and then tapping it with her wand. (Do beauty queens normally have wands?)
Renee - Oh my...she makes "vision boards," aka "desperate lady collages." Maybe instead of pasting words cut out from magazines on poster board in the hopes of magically getting what she wants, Renee should work on preventing me from coming to LA and kidnapping her adorable little pug mix.
Jackie - A divorced, depressed wedding coordinator. The clip of her demonstrating how to toss the bouquet was especially tragic.
Stephanie - If you took all the makeup I've ever worn in my life combined, it would add up to approximately half the makeup Stephanie wears on a day-to-day basis. But she's a widowed mom, so I probably shouldn't be making fun of her. It's just a LOT of makeup, y'all. Otherwise I wouldn't risk going to hell to mention it.
Lauren - She's cute, she's bubbly, she'll do well. And it's her birthday! And her choice of slinky, low-cut leopard print just screams, "let me be your son's new mom."
Shelby - Blonde and adorable (Cameron Diaz-esque, even), with what may or may not be a better than tolerable personality. I...hate...her?
Erica - Okay, what could this possibly mean? "When there's cattiness, I will stop at nothing to get involved." So...to intervene? Or to participate? Is she actually saying that she'll let nothing stand between her and being catty? (Note to Liz: It's The Bachelor. Of course she is.)
Naomi - I want a t-shirt that reads: "I handle b*tches with a slap." Wait, even better: I want "She handled b*tches with a slap" to be my epitaph. Naomi cleverly spends her time with Jason tugging up her strapless dress, thus drawing the eye to her rack.
Molly - Wow, already pulling out the "Girls are just jealous of my confidence" line? Give them a chance to hate you first! She and Jason are both golfers, apparently. Um...I guess you find those little connections where you can?
Shannon - She's a dental hygienist, and comes out in a pair of hillbilly teeth, cracking Jason up. Wow, that REALLY wouldn't work if she weren't so pretty.
Megan - "Whoops! Did I just let slip that I'm a single mom? I totally didn't mean to mention that in my first sentence talking to you, Jason! Waaait, you're a single dad?!?! NO WAY!!! OMG what a coincidence! We should, like, spend the rest of our lives together or something!"
Kari - She keeps a death grip on Jason's hands until he kicks her inside....but I do like the "Kari from Kansas" intro. Alliteration will get you EVERYWHERE. (Everywhere = Into Jason's pants. Maybe!)
Sharon - Oh my. Sharon employs the seldom-seen "force him to salsa awkwardly and he'll never forget you!" strategy.
Natalie - I looove her dress. And the blue of the fabric really complements the orange of her skin. Blue and orange were my school colors, you guys! So I guess I have to pick her as an early favorite.
Lisa - Yeah, I got nothing here. Cute dress, cute girl. Idaho. Yup.
Treasure - You know, when you have to go out of your way to assure people that your name isn't a "stage name" (which is clearly a euphamism for "stripper name" in this case), you should consider going by your middle name. Unless it's "Box".
Raquel - She's Brazilian and she's got a shoe collection that rivals Imelda Marcos's. She'll go far.
Nicole - Wait, she wore an orange dress because it's Jason's son's favorite color? That creeps me out, for reasons I can't explain. No, wait...I can explain them: You're trying to get Jason to fall in love with you tonight, not his son, you freak!
Emily - She's from Seattle, and loves the Seahawks. Which Google informs me is a football team. Good for Emily.
Julie - This girl is super cute. And she's a teacher! I'm guessing she'll stick around. Single guys with kids like teachers, right?
Ann - She's a flight attendant, and apparently Jason loves to travel. Well-played, Ann.
And now, we've reached the "awkward mingling" stage of the premiere. Keep drinking, ladies!
Shannon: If you have to go out of your way to explain that you're not a stalker, that's a cue that you should probably reference Jason's Myspace page and personal life a little less. Erica busts in and interrupts right off the bat, stealing some one-on-one time for herself. Dominique dashes out as soon as Jason gives Erica the heave-ho. And promptly wastes her time by explaining that she sells toe implants rather than talking about what she does in her free time, like he asked. SHE LITERALLY DISCUSSES BUNIONS AND HAMMER TOES. Oh, Dominique. I had such high hopes.
Sharon interrupts to tell Jason that she quit her job as a Spanish teacher to be on the show. Okay, either you're trying to guilt him into keeping you, or you actually think that's something to be proud of. Either way: UGH. Kari reads Jason a poem she wrote about the show and herself while Nicole is sitting there. Sample: "Have you ever heard of love at first sight/When your heart is pumping that very first night?" AWKWARD.
Jillian, in the meantime, cooks up a batch of hot dogs to test some crazy theory about toppings and personalities. She's hoping Jason's a mustard guy, and in fact he is. Score? I guess my ideal guy would've been all, "Why are you wasting all this meat just to test a stupid theory? Get me a tofu dog!" Sorry, Jason...it wasn't meant to be.
Nikki is all about becoming a mom, and makes that clear to Jason. And I honestly don't know how he manages to focus on what she's saying rather than on her breasts, which are staging an escape attempt from the minimum-security prison that is her dress. Before any nipples get past the perimeter, Jason leaves to talk with Renee, barely hiding a grimace when she gets all new agey with her vision board talk. Raquel and Molly take turns stealing Jason from each other, and I start to check the clock. Two hours, ABC? Really?
HA, Jason's talking to Lauren, the birthday girl, and he says he's got something for her. Instead of the First Impression Rose like she's expecting, it's a little birthday cake. I was kind of hoping she'd throw it at him, but instead she handles the situation gracefully. Where are the crazy drunk girls?!
Nikki and her boobs are the actual recipients of the First Impression Rose, which makes sense. She loves kids and has experience with them, but there's no concern about any kids of hers and how they'd get along with Ty. Also, did I mention her boobs?
In a totally awesome twist, the women are given the chance to vote someone out. After much whispering about who's ready to be a mom, who's ready to be a wife, and who gives off bad vibes, the women wind up giving Jackie (drunk) and Erica (catty) some votes.
But, the majority of votes by far go to Megan, who has a small son of her own and a clear bond with Jason, and thus is a major threat. Nicely done, ladies. But surprise twist! She's actually leaving tonight with a rose. OH, THE IRONY. She accepts the rose with all the grace of Ty's future stepmom, calling the girls what I assume is the c-word, since it was bleeped and fuzzed out.
Time for the first Rose Ceremony! I love that the flashbacks are in even softer focus than the rest of the show, to the point of being oddly fuzzy. Aside from Nikki and Megan, the rose recipients are: Lauren, Kari, Naomi, Natalie, Molly, Raquel, Stephanie, Melissa, Julie, Shannon, Lisa, Sharon, and Erica. Oh, Dominique. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about discussing bunions on the first date. (Same goes to you, Renee and your vision boards.) Looks like it's going to be an interesting season, though!
Got any early favorites? Disappointed in any early exits? Horrified/excited that DeAnna's apparently coming back?
I cant believe Deanna. What nerve. He better stay away from her. She's bad news. She doesnt know what she really wants. Look what she did before to Jason, and Jesse. I think she just want's the lime light to boost her new show.
ld | Jan 5, 2009 10:21:47 PM | #I think it is the dumbest move yet to bring DeAnna back. She is such a hypocrite...or being handily paid by ABC...since she choose Jesse and they went kaput. I can't believe Jason would even entertain the thought of taking her back in any way, shape or form. UGH! Brad must be laughing his arse off.
DL | Jan 5, 2009 10:24:23 PM | #Slutty drunk role call... *lol*
As for me, I am strapped in and ready for takeoff. This season DOES look to be an interesting ride.
DeAnna? Seriously? With my best Chandler Bing impersonation: Could she BE any more of a camera hound? WTF?? Poor Jesse... OR... Lucky Jesse that he escaped from that shallow drama queen.
And what about that clip of a Jason breakdown?? My mouth dropped a little on that one. Nice editing job on the season preview, guys. It got me hooked.
And you know, it's been a whole season since we saw women as the ones desperately waiting for a rose, but I forgot how pathetic/horrible/sad those hopeful looks are that then morph into utter despair as the rose count goes down. Aye, yai, yai, girls... Don't any of you try poker anytime soon. =)
quisquilian | Jan 5, 2009 10:26:25 PM | #HATE that DeAnna is back.
Nancy | Jan 5, 2009 11:38:20 PM | #(I am ready to admit that I am addicted to this show...because I actually take notes on things I want to comment on when I visit this recap) *sigh* :)
Lots of the girls have TOO MUCH MAKEUP! It was crazy.
Girls I like:
Looove Melissa (former DCC)
She's adorable! (Oh please please please don't compare her to DeAnna...Melissa is so much better than her)
Jillian! I think the hot dog thing was a great way to
get Jason's attention. (A lot better than awkward dancing and having your 'girls' falling out of your dress)
Lisa. She seems to have a sturdy head on her shoulders. (I really kind of forgot about her during the show...but I'm glad Jason picked her)
Don't Like:
~Raquel (Don't really have a reason...I just don't like her)
~Don't like Naomi. At ALL.
~Shannon-Dental Hygienist. She came across as a super stalker with all the myspace stuff.
~Kari: love at first sight poem was kind of lame
Megan (has 14 month old child). I agree with one of the other girls... why is Megan preaching to the girls about being a parent when she left her kid at home for so long?!
Erica. Ew. She rubs me the wrong way. Nothing about her says "ready to be a mom" either.
Not sure about:
Mom that's a widow: Looks like she had a bad face lift.
I want to like her...but maybe she's just wearing WAY
too much makeup? (In the season clips, it looks like maybe she tones it down some. So that's a relief)
Birthday girl: Needs to wear a bra! Geez. She was almost
falling out of her dress.
What was with the voting box? Why make the girls vote if
the person most voted for automatically got the rose?
What if Jason didn't WANT to get to know that girl
better? (Ok, after he says that he would have given Megan a rose...but still. ew. why?!)
Sad to see leave:
Stacia
Shelby
Happy to see leave:
~Dominique is annoying and has a "crazy" look about her
(reminds me of the crazy, quirky characters that Joan
Cusack plays in movies often. But scary).
Renee: Crazy Jewelry maker from LA. Don't like her.
Jackie Don't like her! Left a ring on a guy's pillow?! Then decided after a year she didn't want to be married to
the next guy?!! Stay away Jason!!! (lol)
In her little interview as she was leaving: She already planned the wedding for her and Jason!? The girl needs to take a break from her job...it obviously isn't healthy for her.
Ashley | Jan 6, 2009 5:48:17 AM | #Nikki is cute I think she is great for Jason.DeAnna what a shock I couldn't believe it. She have alot of nerves to pull something like this.I am so addicted to the Bachelor I love it.I think this may be the best one ever.I am so ready for next Monday☻
demetrice | Jan 6, 2009 6:47:21 AM | #Anyone get a weird vibe about Stephanie, the widow? Those scenes with her visiting a memorial with her daughter to their deceased hubby/father and mentioning how she was going to find someone seemed a little morbid and uncomfortable. Plus, it looked like the Botox fairy may have spent to much time with her.
Cynic | Jan 6, 2009 6:53:26 AM | #You know what I always think when I'm watching the show? These are the women who were chosen for the show -- think about how scary the women are who got rejected!!!
Glo | Jan 6, 2009 9:12:26 AM | #Deanna's return is hilariously ridiculous... And I can't wait :). I'm rooting for Stephanie for the win!!
scottbuerger | Jan 6, 2009 9:25:12 AM | #Well here we go again. The producers of this show will never learn. You can't force love. Making a guy/girl choose or reject someone after a 15+- minute conversation is a set up for failure. They need to reduce the number of candidates to allow more time with each one.
As far as this crop of painted up and pushed up beauties are concerned there were some real scary ones in the bunch. The girl who keeps talking about stalkers may very well be one. The girl who quit her job to be on the show sounds rash to me. He did get rid of a couple losers like the drunk wedding planner who couldn't understand why she never got a happy ending. All she has to do is look at the tape for her answer.
Bringing Deanna back is no more than a rating's ploy and a cruel thing to do to Jason. He dodged the bullet once so let's don't put him back in the line of fire. Deanna proved that she is not mature enough to be a wife or mother when she chose a snow boarder over Jason. She needs to go back to Georgia and work in her father's restaurant for awhile.
Maybe it's just an psychological-association thing, but Nikki TOTALLY looks like Sandra Bullock and especially when she wears her pageant stuff ("Miss Congeniality").
Also, DeAnna coming back is LOL. The woman really is in love with herself & getting attention.
Sean | Jan 6, 2009 1:54:00 PM | #Sean, you're right Nikki does look like Sandra Bullock. That's reason enough to pick her right there. I didn't realize that she was the beauty queen. I don't remember her bringing it up though. Poor Jason, I'd have a meltdown too if DeAnna showed up in my life again. ABC must be run by sadists!
Marilyn | Jan 6, 2009 2:21:12 PM | #Liz, this recap was GENIUS! My sister and I laughed so hard while reading it that we had tears running down our faces :-) We were shocked at the DeAnna twist, but it's gonna make for some great TV. Love her or hate her, that girl makes things interesting!
Becca | Jan 6, 2009 5:41:15 PM | #I see Shelby as perhaps the next Bachelorette??? Jeremy needs to get over poor Ty...enough is enough! He should just become a nursery school teacher and let the muscles go...I think Deanna should have gone with Jeremy ..maybe he will be the next bachelor and she can make an appearance on that show too ...
Louise | Jan 6, 2009 8:27:03 PM | #Did anyone else notice that they kinda ruined the reveal when they panned out in the coming attractions? His final pick is a brunette wearing a blue dress. Poor editing guys.
Krystal | Jan 6, 2009 8:34:22 PM | #Louise: your comment didn't really make sense....Ty? Jeremy? What are you talking about?! Why does Jeremy need to get over Ty...? lol
~~~~~~~
Krystal: I saw that too. He didn't choose that many blondes though, did he? Maybe the editors were hoping that by the time the season finale airs we'll have forgotten about it? (psssh...yeah right!)
As I recall, the "proposal" shots in the coming attractions are staged, rather than an actual reveal. Do not assume anything.
Also, I never was impressed with Deanna from her first Bachelor show. Shallow, silly, self-absorbed, and not that attractive, to boot! Wait, I guess those qualities make her perfect for this train wreck.
Tony | Jan 7, 2009 9:00:41 AM | #I cannot believe that ABC is bringing DeAnna back into the picture. What really happened between her and the snowboarder? This is crazy? DeAnna should have some pride and dignity. A real woman knows when to leave.
Stephanie | Jan 8, 2009 1:28:41 PM | #oops!1st "Jeremy" was Jason!lol
Louise | Jan 8, 2009 9:15:45 PM | #Liz, this recap is really really funny! btw, i'm with you about the "I work hard and play hard" cliché, c'mon folks saying that is way past its expiration date....
Liz - loved the comment about her boobs and the minimum security prison - classic stuff
chenbot | Jan 9, 2009 2:27:22 PM | #I can't believe Jason would even agree to Deanna's coming back - unless he had no choice in the matter seeing as how ABC will do anything to keep their standings - bad taste, ABC - perhaps Jeremy will gracefully "ignor" her and get on with finding someone with honesty and class to match his.
Kay | Jan 9, 2009 8:16:38 PM | #God! I hate Deanna..why did they have to bring her back? Please Jason, have some sense and run run RUNNNN!!
ani | Jan 10, 2009 1:01:46 AM | #deanna AGAIN?...sheesh. i think most of us are just sick of her at this point.
I'm sure they're just bringing DeAnna back for the shock & awe & DRAMA. He won't go for her - she had her chance. Love Nikki & her 'girls' - wow. Lauren is so funny and her facial expressions and features remind me a little of Suze Orman. Megan potty-mouth should just go home. Shannon has awkward teeth - hard to look at. Stephanie is a really sweet person - I hope she finds someone. Maybe she'll be the next Bachelorette? And as for the winner... I'm betting on Melissa. There's a clue in the preview of the proposal.. (and not her dress!)
Virgo1956 | Jan 13, 2009 10:07:21 AM | #
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