'House' The expected

 To contrive means to bring about a situation through deliberate use of artifice. And tonight's House was a perfect example of that.

Or, to put it more simply, did anyone really expect Cameron to last as House's boss? David Shore is still in charge, right? Or is he on vacation? Sorry, I've cut back on my caffeine intake and it's made me a bit grumpy. And by caffeine, I mean nicotine, but it's gauche to admit to smoking in today's society. Whatever, it's been 24 hours and I'm past caring. I apologize now for whatever I'm about to say.

The POTW is a saintly grade school teacher who works with special needs children and never ever loses patience with them and has issues with wacky blood that doesn't do that clotting thing that it's supposed to do. Less saintly is Cuddy, who is both irritated and guilty over the fact that she hasn't bonded with her foster daughter, as she confides in Wilson. He suggests that she's just tired and she summarily dismisses him.

Meanwhile, House decides the best thing for the POTW is to be irradiated. No, not really, but he wants to ask for Cameron for something completely outrageous so that when he asks for something slightly less outrageous she'll say yes, feeling empowered and like she had managed to get him to compromise. You know, the same thing he does with Cuddy at least once a season. Only, Cameron approves the nuclear treatment. This puts a crimp in things because the treatment will likely kill the patient, but if House doesn't go through with it, it will look like he was trying to manipulate Cameron. Which he was. Where is my lighter? No, no, I just want to flick it. It calms me.

House asks the team to come up with a medical reason why they can't do the test, but instead 13 offers that they act like they do the test but just don't flip the irradiation switch. House agrees but the patient wasn't in on the plan. Part way through the fake test, she requests a bathroom break and instead collapses and nearly dies when her heart stops beating.

Meanwhile, Foreman tells Chase that he found out that 13 is on the placebo and that he's thinking of switching her meds, laying out all the reasons why. All of which Chase shoots down as being utter crap. Cuddy shows up to berate Cameron for giving in to House and when Cameron explains her side of the game, Cuddy tells her to knock it off. And Cameron tells her to back off and let her do the job she was hired for. So, when House walks in, tension is already a little high. When he reveals that Wilson told him Cuddy was having second thoughts about the adoption, things get even more uncomfortable.

All the same, he gets Cuddy to leave and Cameron to agree to let him test the POTW in a 3 minute ice bath. Which just may stop her heart and kill her. It's the second time Cameron has agreed to a reckless test and the team begins to think she's playing House. Elsewhere, 13 gushes about how good she feels and Foreman tries to temper her elation by reminding her that she may be on the placebo. For now, anyway.

In her bath of ice cubes the POTW talks to Kutner about her job and how it all came about because she walked into room 214 instead of room 241 when she was a sociology major going to observe a standard classroom. She ended up in the special needs class and never looked back. What is a heart warming story of fate to Kutner is a symptom of brain damage to House, as number confusion and poor prediction skills lead him to believe there is something amiss in her left hemisphere. He begins to explore drastic tests involving cutting open her head while Kutner insists on less dangerous tests involving ultrasounds of her pancreas.

They demand for Cameron to decide which test is run and she tells them to run an MRI instead. Which ticks House off but he obeys for some reason, which is baffling. Also baffling is the fact that the test is inconclusive. And continuing in the baffling vein, Foreman comes to House for advice on what to do about 13 and the placebo situation. House points out the even if she were getting the real drug, it's not a definite cure. It may prolong her life a few years, but are those few years worth risking his entire career for? Foreman thanks him and starts to walk out, which is when House hits him with "Unless you love her". Ouch.

The POTW has continued to worsen along the lines House predicted while not actually knowing what is wrong with her. He and Kutner go back to Cameron, but House wins this round and he gets to cut off the top of her skull and poke at her brain. Kutner tattles to Cuddy and she calls into the OR during the procedure. So, while the POTW is awake and answering questions with her brain exposed, Cuddy begins berating House about how the procedure is unnecessary. Which is totally how a professional should behave.

This understandably upsets the POTW and her blood pressure begins to drop. And the baby screaming in the background of Cuddy's call starts to irritate her. When Cuddy begins hysterically begging the baby to stop crying, the POTW moves into full on annoyance, asking why can't someone hang up the damned phone? I want to know why myself, actually. But suddenly the baby stops crying, the POTW's pressure stabilizes and Cameron decides the test is over. Which is fine, because House is confused about why the drop in pressure brought out annoyance rather than the more typical lightheadedness and chest pains.

Cuddy shows up in House's office with her baby, smiling blissfully and announcing that they have finally bonded, the magic having occurred when she talked to the baby. I think she means when she yelled hysterically at the baby and House is just as doubtful as I. Cuddy doesn't care though, nor is she concerned when the baby vomits all over him. She notes that baby puke is cute, leading House to rhapsodize about evolution and hips and baby organs having to be small enough to pass through hips, leading to projectile vomit as well as cuteness, which is the only thing that keeps us from killing them before their organs DO become fully functional. And, cue epiphany.

As it is explained, the blood system of an infant bypasses the lungs through a duct in the heart while in-utero. When they take their first breath upon birth, the duct closes. Except the POTW's duct didn't close and when her blood pressure spiked, it opened and flooded the right side of her brain. Basically, when she was stressed, the result was a total lack of stress. Which House believes explains why she was so patient with the special needs kids. So, they fix her heart, but House observes she still loves the student who comes to visit, despite the fact that he knocks over her drink in a rush to hug her.

The Funny

Kutner: It's reckless, irresponsible and premature!
House: You're right. If only there were someone to stop me from being reckless and irresponsible. No one can stop me from being premature.

I was also amused by Wilson's attempt to convince Cuddy to care for the baby based on the fake photo of an 18 year old girl representing who she would be. But was anyone surprised by the last five minutes of the show, which contained Cameron quitting because only Cuddy can control House, Cuddy falling in love with the baby at last and feeling guilty for leaving her to go to work, and Foreman rigging the drug trial?  Anyone? 

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