'Desperate Housewives': 2009 is the year of the crazy mom

Desperate Housewives should resolve to give Lily Tomlin more to do this year, because Roberta is officially my favorite thing about this show. And after tonight, Lee is a close second. Listening to opera in a kimono instead of having to work is my newest aspiration.

Lynette: After Bob busts the Scavos on the whole Preston/Porter switcheroo and gives them two days to sort it out before he reports them, Lynette tries to pressure Preston into telling Porter to come home so that they don't lose the restaurant when Porter's bail is forfeited. Preston tells her about Mr. Schilling's threat, and throws down one of my favorite lines of the night: "I'm not gonna let my brother risk his life so you and Dad can sell pizza!" Well, when you put it that way...

After an ominous talk about keeping her family safe, Lynette shows Preston a bar where Mr. Schilling goes every night, and implies that she's about to run him down with her car. Um, yeah, even though it was clear that she was bluffing, Lynette's crazy mom act is way too believable these days. Though Preston convinces Porter to talk to Lynette, she doesn't have a chance to sway him before her crazy mom hangs up his phone and tells Porter not to trust Lynette. Yep, he's staying with grandma! Definitely didn't see that one coming.

Bree: Elsewhere in the crazy mom department, Alex's unemployed cocktail waitress mom comes to stay with the Hodges. She gets off to a great start by "calling" Christmas with the boys. Bree honestly seems more upset about her rough manners than her clearly manipulative nature, which is kind of funny. Although drinking and then crushing beer cans on Bree's stoop may be a worse offense to Bree than being manipulative, I suppose. But when crazy mom tries to get Andrew and Alex to move to her town, since real estate there is cheaper, the gloves come off and Bree announces that she's bought them a house in town. Game, set, match. Crazy mom totally deserved it - taking your host's seat at the head of the table is beyond rude.

Susan: With Jackson out of town, Susan goes clubbing with Lee. She finds out that Jackson has been offered a job in his old town, and considers going with him. Lee hits her with an awesome "it's closing time at the bar and you're just going for the guy who's there" analogy, and then they get drunk and wind up in bed together. Susan, upon seeing the evidence of a smooth jazz CD in her stereo (HA!), assumes they had sex. Uh...can she really not tell? Bob comes over later to worriedly ask Susan if Lee really stayed at her place the night before, and after Susan awkwardly confirms it, Bob admits that "when Lee's got a few drinks in him, he'll bang anything with a pulse and facial hair." Snap. I find this just as hilarious as Gaby did.

After Lee reminds Susan that he's gay, and they definitely didn't do it, Susan says that she still wants to move in with Jackson. The reason she gives, however, is that HE loves HER. Um, yeah, that's really not enough. Especially when you'd be moving your son away from his dad! Lee is the total voice of reason, suggesting that she hold off until she loves Jackson back. These two are totally cute friends!

Gaby: Carlos quits his masseur job at the country club because it turns out that when you can see, "naked people are gross" (TOTALLY FAIR), and Gaby isn't very understanding. An old business associate offers him a well-paying job, but Carlos would rather work with the blind. I can understand Gaby's frustration there, I guess, since they have two kids to provide for. When Gaby has the associate and his very bitter wife over to dinner, it becomes abundantly clear that the busy, high-pressure job totally ruins your family life.

Gaby still wants Carlos to take it though, asking that he take a turn caring for everyone after her years of dealing with bounced daycare checks and overdue gas bills. And again, I do feel some sympathy here, though it quickly diminishes once Gaby happily admires a fancy new pair of shoes after Carlos takes the job.

Dave: Dave has run out of a prescription medication, and is having a rough time holding it together. Which is apparently illustrated by rouging his cheeks like a psychotic clown. When Edie walks in on him crazily whispering to himself, he spins around and hits her. Scary. After he later admits that he was married before he and Edie met, and his wife died, Edie kicks him out. I'm surprised she waited for that - if it were me, his ass would've been out the door with the crazy whispering and hitting.

In a side plot that goes nowhere for now, but is quite amusing, Mrs. McCluskey and Lily Tomlin camp out in Dr. Heller's waiting room, stonewalled by the receptionist until they annoy her into admitting that Dr. Heller went missing while out of town.  Seriously, I need more Lily Tomlin in my life.

Any new insights into the mystery? How do you feel about the Susan/Lee dream team?