'The Biggest Loser: Families': At least Renee got a great makeover...

Curses! Once again, we're denied the satisfaction of Vile Vicky's ouster on The Biggest Loser: Families. What's worse, it looks like the editors are trying to humanize her. Too late!

Fierce trannylicious spoilers ahead.

Everyone is off to New York for their makeovers -- and everyone (especially Ed) screams like a little girl. Heh. In a puzzling development, Project Runway tyro Christian Siriano will be shepherding the contestants through their makeovers at Product Placed Department Store. Funny -- I got the impression that Christian only designed for stick-figure models. He didn't strike me as someone who wanted to dress mere mortals with extra ounces, much less pounds, on their bodies. Is he really going to pretend that he's embracing full-figured folks?

Short answer: No. Christian sends the Losers off to pick out their own clothing, then mocks them for their choices. He picks a couple of things off a rack and claims that he's looking at things with them in mind, but we see no evidence of that. Then, at the end of the segment, he passes out department-store gift cards with a barely suppressed shudder, and only lights up when he gets to do his signature solo pout at the camera when everyone leave. Christian? You're a tool.

Fortunately, the other makeover genies seem more enthusiastic about the process, and the Losers show off their new looks on the Tyra Banks Show. Tyra also brings out a loved one the Losers haven't seen in a while -- Michelle's dad is adorable, getting all weepy at the sight of his daughter looking great in a gorgeous purple dress. Renee's husband is equally sweet, and Renee's sharp bob and sideswept bangs look amazing. Lovely ruffled wrap dress, too. Vicky gets va-va-voom Rita Hayworth red hair, but the dress is just ok. Her sister, Ginny, thinks she looks great. Heba gets shorter hair and a red dress that looks decent from the front but isn't that flattering from the back. Her brother is there to greet her, and he gets teary-eyed, too. That may be because he promised he'd take Heba on a trip anywhere in the world if she lost 60 pounds or more, and now he's got to pay up. Ed... well, he still looks like Ed, but he has fun working the runway. His dad is there and is proud of him.

The Losers head out to Times Square, where Bob and Jillian suddenly appear on one of the electronic billboards. Get to work! They say. The Brats in Blue head to the product-placed gym, while Michelle and Renee split up -- Renee and her hubby run across the Brooklyn Bridge, while Michelle and her dad race around Central Park.

The challenge
It's a weird one this week: The competitors have to wedge themselves in glass boxes suspended 15 feet above a pool and stay there until they drop. The last person in the box gets a two-week spa trip. Vicky comes out talking a big game-- I'm so winning this! -- but she gives up after about two minutes. Then, bizarrely, she develops Sudden Onset Fear of Heights -- she refuses to jump from the box, much to everyone's annoyance. Michelle is actually a total sweetheart to her, talking to her soothingly, trying to convince her that everything will be ok if she just jumps. Heba is less patient, and wants to push Vicky in. Nice.

Ed and Heba fall, leaving the two Women in Black. "No, mom, I will not buy you another designer handbag," Michelle says. Hee! Renee drops, and Michelle prepares to bask in her win -- except Vile Vicky is still up in the box, demanding attention. After some increasingly frustrated cajoling and encouragement, Ed jumps into the pool to ... give Vicky something to aim for? I'm unclear on this. But it works -- she finally takes the plunge. About time! The next day, Vicky talks about it as an epiphany, and Bob spins it as she needed to trust herself and someone else and now she can stop holding herself back and blah blah blah. I'm more inclined to buy Michelle's interpretation: "There she was, sitting at the top, stealing all my thunder."

The weigh in
Jillian stresses that they wasted three days in New York getting purty instead of sweating it out at the ranch. She vows to start chopping off limbs to make up the weight. "Renee got her hair cut," Jillian says. "Maybe we'll get half a pound out of that." I suddenly find myself hoping Vicky got hair extensions -- preferably made of lead.

Heba drops 7 pounds, for 3.13 percent.
Michelle loses 5 pounds - a great result, considering her 10-pound loss last week. She drops 2.84 percent.
Vicky loses 4 pounds, for 2.22 percent.
Renee also drops 4 pounds, for 2.01 percent.
Ed loses 3 pounds, for 1.19 percent.

It's Ed and Renee up for elimination, and everyone seems to believe that Vicky my betray Ed. Yeah, right -- Renee is so gone. She looks amazing at the look at me now interview -- she's dropped 95 pounds! -- and she seems like she's doing great. Go, Renee!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• The padding was ridiculous this episode. We got the same decades-long intro/recap twice in the course of the show. Come on!
• That intro tried to rehabilitate Vicky -- now, instead of being a money-grubbing game-player, she's someone who "will stop at nothing to make her family proud." Yeah, right.
• Christian Siriano is such a wee little man. Heba galloped up to him, picked him up in a hug, and said she was going to carry him around in her pocket from now on. Heh.
• Christian's presence just made me miss Tim Gunn all the more. Tim seemed like he really wanted to make everyone look good in the bodies they actually had -- and he did a great job of it. Remember Brittany's fantastic plunging neckline, and Ali's sweet, delicate silhouette? Nobody really stood out this time -- although Renee and Michelle both have truly heroic cleavage. Yowza!
• I really like Michelle's dad -- he looks like this tough biker dude, but then he just breaks down and cries when he sees how great his daughter is doing.
• I could have done without the psychotherapy in the park, though. I'm glad Michelle is working out her issues with her mom, but I don't think it makes terribly compelling TV.
• What the hell was with Alison's sparkly red coat at the challenge? Hideous!
• Vicky claimed the drop into the pool was 100 feet. Heba scoffed that it was more like 12. Guys? Alison already told you -- it was 15 feet. That's about the height of the platform for 11-and-under dive competitions.
• Heba, when Vicky suddenly got terrified: "I think the dye from Vicky's makeover messed up her brain." Heh.
• I like Renee, but her goodbye to her daughter felt endless. Michelle almost seemed a little embarrassed.

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