'The Biggest Loser: Families': HATE!

A past competitor comes back to The Biggest Loser: Families campus this week, and a mighty alliance is shaken up. The two events are not related. Plus, if I had a nickel for every time I screamed "HATE!" at the screen, I'd be able to pay off my mortgage (or at least to repair the hole in the floor caused by all those nickels. I must remember to attach a lighter currency to my hatred.)

This spoiler was rooting for Stacey.

The Brats in Blue show just how deplorable they are when the Women in Black come in to announce that Phil is gone. Team Black is a bit depressed to have lost a team member, but Vicky actually LAUGHS OPENLY, THEN GETS UP AND DOES A HAPPY DANCE. That is so tacky it boggles the mind. Even Heba looks somewhat abashed (although that might have been gas.) SHUT. UP. VICKY.

Alison brings back the eliminated competitors and announces that one of them will be returning to the game. One person is not there -- Jerry, Coleen's dad. Coleen has a moment of panic, but it's not because something happened to him -- he just had to work.

The eliminated players weigh in. Here's how it goes:

Adam
Starting weight: 340
Current weight: 305
35 pounds lost, or 10.99 percent of his total weight

Jerry
Starting weight: 380
Current weight: 339
41 pounds lost, or 10.79 percent of his total weight

Stacey
Starting weight: 221
Current weight: 190
31 pounds lost, or 14.03 percent of her total weight

Tom
Starting weight: 314
Current weight: 266
48 pounds lost, or 15.29 percent of his total weight

LT
Starting weight: 357
Current weight: 300
57 pounds lost, or 15.97 percent of his total weight

Ed
Starting weight: 335
Current weight: 277
58 pounds lost, or 17.31 percent of his total weight

Shellay
Starting weight: 216
Current weight: 177
39 pounds lost, or 18.06 percent of her total weight

Amy
Starting weight: 229
Current weight: 182
47 pounds lost, or 20.52 percent of her total weight

Phil
Starting weight: 331
Current weight: 263
68 pounds lost, or 20.54 percent of his total weight

So Phil's back, right? Not so fast -- the challenge winner will be the one who gets to come back into the game. Brady whispers that they're fine. Alison asks him to share his thoughts with the class, and Brady lies that he'd be happy with anyone who came back. Then Vicky pipes up: "Anybody. Anybody except the number one on that board right now would be great." Seriously -- WHAT THE HELL?

Phil's Amy is desolate -- what's with everyone hating on my hubby? She slinks off to her room in despair. Phil decides to confront his tormentors. Vicky snots that HE doesn't deserve to be there, and Brady stomps over to make sure Phil isn't threatening his delicate flower of a wife. The rest of the group look on in disbelief as Brady, Vicky and Heba tear Phil down (SHUT IT!), tell him to stop playing the victim (WHAT?), and insist it's all his fault (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?). Stacey is in tears -- I wanted so much to come back to the ranch, and it's like THIS? You've all contributed to this mess, she says. I immediately start hoping that Stacey wins the challenge.

Amy and Shellay sneak off for a private (except for the camera) product-placed lunch. Shellay counsels her to watch out for herself now, not her team. Amy says she's not stupid -- she knows what she's doing. We'll see...

The challenge
It's the step class form hell: The first competitor to 1,000 steps comes back and gets immunity at this week's weigh in. Ed takes a quick lead, with Phil close behind him. Phil stumbles, and Vicky and Brady laugh evilly. SHUT IT. Then Stacey pours on the speed, and everyone who isn't Vicky, Brady and Heba starts rooting for her. LT actually starts coaching her along, encouraging her even though he's supposed to be competing with her. And it's close, but in the end, Ed is able to hold her off and beats her by maybe a dozen steps. Dammit!

The Brats in Blue are thrilled that Ed is back --now it's five against one! Why, Ed and Heba and Brady and Vicky had said from the beginning that they expected to be the final four -- now, with their five-against-three voting block, that's nearly a lock! I start wondering about their math skills, and just how stupid they think Amy is. They've already announced that they expect to be the last Blues standing. She knows they'll happily throw her under the bus. Why should she stick with them?

The weigh in
After a predictably brutal last-chance workout (for everyone but Vicky -- was I imagining things, or did Bob seem more inclined to let Vicky rest when she was out of breath?), it's time to bow before the god of the scale. Here's how it went:

• Vile Vicky loses 8 pounds, and is left with 193 pounds of pure evil. She's down 3.98 percent.
• Coleen pulls a great number, losing 7 pounds for a new weight of 170. She lost 3.95 percent of her weight.
• Heba drops 9 pounds, and now weighs 238. (About 100 pounds of that is made up of tacky). She's down 3.64 percent.
• Amy drops 6 pounds, ending up at 181. She's down 3.21 percent.
• Renee drops 7 pounds, for a new weight of 215. She dropped 3.15 percent.
• Michelle lost 6 pounds, for a new weight of 194 pounds. She lost 3 percent.
• Brady dropped 6 pounds, for a new weight of 264 pounds. It's hard to drop spite-pounds, isn't it, Brady? He fell 2.22 percent.
• Ed drops 4 pounds, for a new weight of 273 pound. He lost 1.44 (assuming I didn't screw up the math.) He's got immunity, so it doesn't matter.

Michelle and Brady are below the line. Vicky looks smug -- no one would DARE vote off her man! But think about it, folks -- everyone is on their own, now. It's time to start eliminating threats. Brady's a much bigger threat than Michelle. That he's a much bigger jackass than Michelle should count for something, too, but even putting that aside, he's the one who should go.

Alison announces that they'll vote right away, with no deliberation. The vote goes by team lines, until we get to Amy -- the last vote. She votes for Brady. Because it's a tie, that means Brady gets the boot. Hallelujah!

Back at home, Brady is looking good. He's lost 100 pounds. Hey, Brady -- you can lose another 193 by dumping your horrific wife!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• Dear Amy -- you are my hero. Thank you. I hope you survive the Wrath of Vicky!
• Vicky spent a lot of time talking about how Phil was the antichrist, how he didn't deserve to be there. Now, I'll grant you, Phil wasn't my favorite guy, but that amount of bile was completely uncalled for.
• I'm torn about Phil going into the kitchen to confront Vicky. On the one hand, Vicky's an evil witch. On the other hand, Phil's justification -- I'm going in because you made my wife cry, I'm being a good husband -- was crap. Amy didn't want him to confront them. If he was being a good husband, he'd have honored her wishes and stayed away from them. Also, what was with the yelling at Amy for being upset? Schmuckboy! (Still not as bad as Vile Vicky, though.)
• Why the hell didn't anyone else in the house tell Vicky to shut her detestable mouth, though? Harumph.
• At one point, Vicky says Phil would be a horrible role model for America. What, and you'd be a good one? Feh!
• Heba just pissed me off when she started weeping and wailing at the sight of Ed. She's not the only one seeing a family member for the first time in a while. Get a grip!
• Vicky talks about how Brady is a really picky eater. Um, I seem to recall you being the spoiled brat who wouldn't even touch a dish that had cauliflower in it...
• All the remaining competitors get $5,000 in groceries. I'd probably spend it all on really good cheese. (There's this five-year-aged Gouda and my friends and I have taken to calling "Change your Life Cheese." I'm just saying...)
• Did anyone else half expect Ed to throw the challenge just so he wouldn't have to listen to Heba screech at him anymore?

How much do you hate Vicky now? Are you praying for her ouster? Do you fear her plans for revenge (which he apparently drew up on a sheet of notebook paper?)? Are you ready to scrap this whole thing and hope that they'll get lest detestable competitors next time out? Talk!

E-mail

• Digg
• Facebook
• Fark
• Yahoo Buzz
• Stumbleupon