'Stylista': Headless dancing girls and retro TVs
I'm a Stylista newbie, so thank you to Liz for letting me try my hand at the newest competition reality show. Previously, they styled an Elle trends page and Cologne was sent home. Her name is Cologne? Really? I can't decide if it's worse if her parents saddled her with that name or if she picked it out herself. Either way... that's horrible. If I ever get on a reality show, I'm going to make everyone call me "Parfume."
In the wake of Cologne's departure, everyone is surprised that Kate didn't go home instead of Cologne. Everybody is pissed off because they all hate Kate. Ashlie kind-of loses her crap all over the place in a big, weepy mess. I like this show already! I've always thought one thing missing from The Apprentice is balls-out, body-wracking sobs.
William spends about 30 seconds going on and on about his fashion editing experience and I immediately dislike him. Anybody who feels the need to rattle off his resume to me at every turn needs to be socked in the mouth. I wonder if his accent is Real British, or Ace on Survivor British...
The stylists are phoned and told to get over to Bendel's, an NYC department store. There Brett Ramey charges them with purchasing an outfit that can transition from day to night for $1000. Whichever outfit Anne selects will be the winner and the will get to pick teams for the next editorial challenge. Everyone laments that $1000 at Bendel's does not go that far. I know I'm just a simple girl from Iowa, but a place where $1000 doesn't go very far is NOT a place I want to shop. Boooo Bendel's.
Devin's outfit comes to $3000, so I guess math is not her strong suit. She has to put a bunch of stuff back. It's okay Devin, math is hard for girls. [eye roll] Anne wanders up looking very drunk-Jennifer-Saunders-with-blonde-hair. Funnily enough, Devin ends up winning with a chiffon blue shirt and white wide-leg pants. Anne then drops the bomb that two people are being eliminated this week. YES! Fashion blood bath!
Devin talking-heads that she may get "knived in her sleep" that night because she won and gets to pick teams. The group sits around and snipes at each other and talks about their "experience" some more. Oh my god. I think I would spend a lot of time ALONE if I lived in this house.
Challenge explanation. They are styling a two-page spread in Elle featuring top designer Tory Burch. Their challenge is styling their environment, as they will be starting with a blank white set. The guidelines are 1) identifiable theme, 2) don't detract from clothing/accessories and 3) capitvating title that pulls together the theme. Devin splits the group into Ashlie, Kate, Danielle and Megan (Team Crazy) and William, Johanna, Dyshaun and herself (Team Awesome). She interviews that she put all the drama queens together and herself in a group with the non-drama queens. Hahahah.
Megan immediately drama queens, "When Devin put me on a team with Kate and Ashlie, I wanted to pull out my hair and lay on the floor and DIE." Wow. Team Awesome immediately goes towards minimalist. On Team Crazy Megan wants to do minimalist, but Kate says that's a terrible idea. Kate almost seems like she's being contrary just to be a contrarian. I can see how she is a former law student.
At the house, everybody sits around and talks about Kate being contrary (yes!) and she wanders up to confront them for talking about her. I can barely concentrate on her because her boobs are enormous. Do they distract anybody else? They're like clown boobs! Kate and Danielle start screaming at each other while Devin gets her nails painted by Johanna. Snerk. William interviews that he reckons Danielle can "pack a punch." I think that's his I'm-so-stuffy-give-me-a-scone way of saying that Danielle is a big girl who could squash Kate like a bug. Heeee!
As we are shown Kate calling her mom and crying, I am struck by how much this show is like The Apprentice meets The Real World. "This is the story... of 11 strangers... picked to live in a house... and compete for fashion prizes... to see what happens... when people STOP being polite... and START getting real." When do we rush this season's Ruthie to the hospital?
Challenge. Malina Joseph welcomes them to the studio. The model is Elena, wearing a fugly yellow print dress. Sorry if that's all "high fashion" or whatever. It's ugly. The kiddies are sent off to gather props for their shoot. They have 3 hours.
Team Awesome decides it will be the model as a socialite trying to escape her life. They decide to put faceless mannequins in the background. Dyshaun's title idea is "Gossip Girl," which is great. I love it. Team Crazy thinks they're going to do retro. They grab an old 60s TV, which admittedly goes well with the retro dress. They grab a retro orange couch and a giant green martini glass. I dig both of these concepts.
Team Awesome laughs at Team Crazy trying to dress their set because they are loudly arguing. The faceless mannequins idea is nice, but it's not coming together very well. Is that all they are putting on the set? White, headless mannequins? It's kind-of creepy, like the Headless Dancing Girls from Return to Oz. They do put a funky, retro end table in the middle of the set with a green vase on it.
The retro TV shoot is incredibly tense. Kate won't stop criticizing and then Megan just wanders off and yawns and crap. Ooh, I am sick of both her and Kate. What a couple of pouty babies. The mannequin shoot goes well. Team Awesome gets along really well and the model seems really into it.
They review their pictures and Team Awesome is dismayed that their concept didn't come across very well in their photos. The white mannequins get really washed out with the white background. Team Crazy keeps arguing about the damn 60s television.
When it comes to the layout of Team Awesome's title page, William doesn't like all the white background and OF COURSE blames it on nobody listening or understanding the level of his experience. Sigh. Team Crazy names theirs Retro Revival, which I think is pretty lame. Alliteration is nice, but that's terrible. I would've done Retro Renaissance, myself.
In the board room editorial presentation, Tory Burch is there to help judge. Team Crazy presents their retro scene and it actually comes out looking really great. Everybody agrees that Kate took the picture in the retro direction and Megan says she wanted tot do something more modern. Tory says the dress wasn't supposed to be retro, but she does like the way the picture came out. Megan then backpedals, saying she ended up really liking it too. Could Megan's nose be any farther up their asses? I don't think it could. Kate then throws Megan pretty far under the bus by ratting her out on abandoning the photo shoot. Danielle pipes up to agree with Kate. Man, stop being such jerks to each other in front of the judges. How unprofessional. Are you 13 years old?
Team Awesome's layout ends up very cool. The model is looking off-stage in a bored manner and the title really works for me. Tory likes how the dress pops out on the page, but she doesn't love the headless mannequins. Man, too cerebral for the judges because I like it. Anne calls it too elitist for Elle and a "souless" picture. Hmm. I disagree.
The judges deliberate. They like Team Crazy's picture but wish they had taken a risk. They like that Kate stood up for her idea and they hate that Megan just gave up on the project because she didn't like it. They basically like the execution but not the idea behind it. The judges love Team Awesome's idea but not the execution. Man, I'd throw my hat in with the good idea because at least they tried. They don't like that Devin and William seemed to be coasting and Dyshaun and Johanna did most of the work.
Anne calls both teams to her office. Inside, she congratulates Team Crazy and says they've all earned another week in the competition. Ouch. Team Awesome is applauded for their concept but it just didn't work. Johanna is told she can stay and leaves the room. William is criticized for not contributing enough, Dyshaun is criticized for leading the team on the badly-executed layout, and Devin is criticized for letting the team take over. Dyshaun is told her can stay. Wow.
I know it's good drama, but I thought Kate and Megan easily should've been sent home. Bummer. Also, Danielle reminds me of every big-girl-tormented-by-Mean-Girls from every teen movie and TV show EVER. Is that just me?
Does the spectacle of a bunch of unlikeable twenty-somethings clawing at each other make for "good drama"? Perhaps for one episode, or as part of an episode, but not as the content of every single bloody show! It's tedious beyond belief, and the constant yelling and fighting and backstabbing just becomes DULL. The Elle staff don't come across much better. Anne's comment that Team Megan Sucks work was "too cerebral" for the magazine's readers was an embarr***ment to her, her colleagues at Elle, and its readers. LAME.
Ok, is it just me, or do Megan and Kate look an awful lot alike?? I mean, the only difference is the size of their chest. And I think without them, the show wouldnt be near as exciting. But then again, I dont think ELLE magazine would want either one of those whiny brats working there for a whole year!!! Anne needs to learn how to walk in heals. What did she say at the beginning when she walked on the cobblestone street? Something about being able to run with the bulls in those shoes? Maybe she should! Would be good practice.
Megan's hair and skin are greasier than Kate's too. That plus the boobs is how I tell them apart. They are both awful and clearly should be gone. When the 19 year old is more mature than most of the group (and gets kicked off for it) that's a lame set of judges.
Btw, Dyshaun (really?) is awful too and has deserved to go home the last couple of weeks. I don't know what they see in him. Cologne, William and Devin were all more competent, interesting and non-crazy.
And Ann. What a mess. She cannot walk on carpet, marble, cobbles, anything in heals. She is bizarrely graceless consistently. I know she's trying to exude an air of arrogance, but it just looks pinched, if you know what I mean. She should just have burly men carry her around on a litter and laugh readily though disdainfully. If she doesn't have to walk she might pull it off.
Train wreck is the only reason to watch this.
Anne does kinda walk like she's 'pinching one off'!! Is that what you meant?? HA!
Good review, Andrea. It's obvious you're new to the show, though, because if you had seen the previous episodes, you would better understand why Megan NEEDS to be yelled at.
Yes, Kate's boobs are extremely distracting! As others have said, though, they're the main way I can distinguish her from Megan.
This is the first time Danielle has displayed any anger (though she's had the right to).
Anne IS a mess, isn't she? And, yes, the show is like a train wreck ... I'm sick enough to keep watching!
"too cerebral," hahaha...yeah i guess we aren't talking about readers of The Economist," but for god's sake i don't think Elle's readers are retarded!
and yeah anne, please learn how to walk, i think by your age and in your industry, you should have mastered that by now.
read the review because i stopped watching after the second episode. yup, nothing's changed. i knew team crazy would win because they are not going to vote ashli, kate, or meagan - drama - off because it keeps y'all coming back, but does nothing for those wanting to see some actuality in the reality.
but good review.
i agree with renee.
Ashlie totally over-reacted to Cologne's departure. I thought she was going to have to be carried away in an ambulance. Get a grip!
I don't know why everyone hate Kate. I doubt she'll win, but they could at least acknowledge her suggestions at times. Wow.
P.S. My co-worker calls Danielle "Ugly Betty."