'Smallville': The Wedding Of Doom

It's the Smallville event of the year: the much anticipated wedding of Chloe Sullivan and Jimmy Olsen. You are cordially invited to the Kent farm where love is in the air. With long lost friends and unexpected villains making cameo appearances, it's more than worth the price of a dinette set from the registry.

These Spoilers never throw away good memories

What's a wedding without home movies? It begins with Clark and Lois sending their greetings, Jimmy waiting for his beautiful bride, Clark escorting Chloe down the steps of the barn... pretty standard stuff so far. We cut to the kissing of the bride, where Jimmy kicks it up a notch by dipping her. It's only when they begin to cut the cake that a rumbling comes from the roof. Leave it to a dark, shadowy, angry monster to crash the most anticipated wedding of the year.

Eight hours earlier, Lois runs around the Kent farm all manic in the last minute preparations of the wedding. Jimmy makes it known he's only nervous of seeing Chloe before the ceremony. Superstitious often, Jimmy? He does offer one bit of useful help in offering best man Clark as her plus one. He feels it in his gut that this is the right thing to do. Lois puts up her "strong" front, yet can't help but smile her goofy smile. It's good to feel wanted.

Despite his best efforts, Jimmy does indeed run into a glowing Chloe putting on her garter belt. He simply cannot believe his luck here. Chloe takes a minute to list just some of the disasters they've weathered thus far in their courtship. Seeing her before the ceremony, she says, is the least of their problems. I can only imagine this conversation would have continued on if not for Davis calling. To keep the groom from stressing even more, she lies about who is really calling. That's what good brides do.

In the Kent kitchen, Clark learns from Oliver that Lex is alive. There's a wayward router out there that indicates emails have been sent, and if they can get their hands on that piece of equipment in time, they can track his location. Clark is up for the idea but wants to wait until after the wedding. Oliver seems incredulous to the idea of waiting one second more.

It seems the point is moot as Clark later whooshes to Oliver's plane, router in hand. Clark says Oliver can't be mad at Lex for the sins of Lionel. Of course, Oliver could care less as all he wants is the router. Again, Clark chooses to wait until after the wedding before he'll help again. Lucky for Oliver, a guy appears from behind the curtain, saying he's already downloaded information from the router during the lover's quarrel.

I have to say, Allison Mack totally rocks the wedding dress. Lois makes her way to the loft, with Chloe thanking her for what she did to the barn. Davis plays the role of the jilted lover and calls for the 437th time. There are more pressing issues as Chloe needs to find her something borrowed. Clark arrives just in time for her to suggest his kryptonite. Wisely, he pulls the flower from the freshman dance long ago. Apparently, he never throws away good memories.

Meanwhile in Cuba, Green Arrow enters a textile mill when he shoots what he thinks is Lex. Turns out, it's just a mannequin with a note saying "Sorry I missed you." A concealed gal roars out of nowhere and knocks our hunk down. Holy crap, it's Lana! It seems they're both there to settle various scores. Even with all the information the router is providing, she's not totally convinced Lex is alive. He offers to help her, but she's less than thrilled at that concept. Oliver lets her know Chloe is getting married and even goes so far as to invite her to the wedding. Of course, Lana claims its "complicated," but Oliver has a way of laying on quite the guilt trip!

Lois and Clark meet at the stairs with that look in their eyes. She helps Clark with his father's cufflinks with that hopeful look in her eyes. He begins to read Jimmy's backup vows, which only makes Lois even more emotional.

In stark contrast to the happenings on the Kent farm, we find Davis massively upset and bloody, calling Chloe yet again. He carries bags full of blood and God knows what else to a dumpster. A random rent-a-cop spots him and pulls his gun once he realizes what is going on. Davis begs the guy to walk away, but before he can, our favorite paramedic begins his transformation to the dark side... taking out the guard in the process.

Slow jazz plays as Clark and Chloe have their dance. She mentions that she'll never forget all the things they've been through. Somehow, a weight has been lifted from her and that is what helped her to move on with the wedding. When Jimmy reclaims his bride, Clark makes his move on Lois. They dance, and awkward pauses allows for the two to move closer and closer... except who should arrive but Lana, the moment killer!

Lois wanders the porch, champagne bottle in hand when Oliver arrives. He offers to be the sympathetic ear. She's having a lot of feelings and doesn't know what they mean, having trouble sharing it with her ex of all people. Surprise surprise, the love bug has burrowed deeply into Lois, taking her by complete surprise.

Lana looks at an incoming text reading "Did the Archer believe you?" when Clark finds her. He hoped she would give him some heads-up of her arrival, but he also knows the wedding wasn't in her original plans. Lana is proud of his mysterious blur actions. She says leaving Smallville was the hardest thing she's ever done, but she's glad she had the guts to do it. Clark reveals that he wiped Chloe's mind.

Jimmy and Chloe are just beginning to cut the cake when it happens... lights flicker, mysterious thumping and everyone freaking the hell out. Out of nowhere, Doomsday busts in, immediately knocking Lana out. It barrels through the barn, destroying everyone and everything in its path. Clark tries to take is on and, of course, fails spectacularly, getting knocked all the way to the loft next to the open box of kryptonite. Jimmy tries to take it on and gets a massive chest wound as a consolation prize. Chloe rushes to his side but finds Doomsday taking aim at her. Lana saves Clark by returning the glowing rock to its box. Oliver shows up to reveal the "thing" took Chloe.

At the emergency room, Clark wanders the halls. He first finds Lana, who asks about Chloe. Oliver is using all his satellites in an effort to find the missing bride. Lois is just outside Jimmy's room, saying he's in bad shape, bad enough that the hospital is going to Medevac him to a Star City facility. She wonders why terrible things keep happening to them.

Let's kick start the sappy montage of everyone in reflecting mode, all while Jimmy is being wheeled away. Doomsday is seen carrying an unconscious Chloe into the Fortress. Once she's placed on the ice slab, she opens her Brainiac eyes and flashes that evil smile. We end with a body double that bears a striking resemblance to Lex, hooked up like Neo watching the wedding video!

Next time on Smallville: new heroes, new enemies, new legends... coming January 15th! In the meantime, Happy Holidays and we'll see you in 2009.

So what in the world did that ominous text that Lana received really mean? Seems Clark didn't quite remove all the Brainiac from Chloe... what becomes of her now? Has the show sufficiently piqued your interest to hold you over for two months?

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