'Life on Mars': Worst. Dad. Ever.

Have you ever wanted to meet your parents when they were the age you are now? Sam Tyler gets to do that on Life on Mars -- and it's not pretty.

This spoiler has a new appreciation for her parents.

Sam and the rest of the precinct are staking out the drop site where a kidnapper wants a frantic father to deliver his ransom. They catch their guy -- and it's Vic Tyler, Sam's dad. Vic insists he's just running errands for the Pignato Brothers -- he made some bets, lost some money, and how he's their errand boy. He doesn't know where the kid is -- but he does know the Pignato boys are supposed to call at 2 p.m. to arrange the drop-off. Sam suggests that they put a wire on Vic, then let him make the drop. They can catch the Pignatos in the act, and that will lead them right to the kid!

Sam gets the chance that very few people get -- he gets to see his parents as young people, just starting out. And Vic seems like a great guy. He and Sam play basketball, and Sam is in heaven. He even gets to ask Vic what he thinks of his son, and hears Vic say that everything he does, he does for little Sammy. It gets a little weird when Vic basically asks Sam if he's hitting on him -- I don't even want to THINK about the Oedipal can of worms THAT would open -- but otherwise, it all looks good. Maybe Sam will be able to make it so his dad doesn't leave. And maybe, just maybe, that's why he's here.

Things go wrong at the handoff -- the cops hear Vic protesting that he's not working with the police, and then hear shots fired. They run inside to find several dead guys around a pool hall. Vic is there too -- he's been shot, too, but he's just wounded. The money is gone. But Chris hears something and wanders off -- he finds the kidnapped baby upstairs, in good (if cranky) condition. Happy ending, right?

Not so fast. Back at the precinct, Sam takes his eyes of Vic for a few minutes and realizes that the baby was playing with a plush rocket ship -- the same toy his dad gave to young Sam, and which young Sam had rejected, the day before. Vic takes the opportunity to slip away. Doh! Sam figures out that Vic wasn't an errand boy at all -- he was the kidnapper. He storms over to his mother's house and demands to know where Vic is. She's not talking -- and she's pretty pissed as Sam for constantly popping up like this. When Sam realizes that she's wearing a red dress, he freaks out a little -- he has a jumbled, recurring memory of a woman in a red dress running through the woods. Is she going to wear that to her son's birthday party in the park? That little bit of fashion inquisition is the last straw -- she kicks him out.

Sam calls Annie and begs her to keep an eye on young Sam's birthday party until he can get there. She hides in the trees and reports in. Sam gets there in time to see a happy family scene... but then Vic disappears. Sam radios Annie, who says she's seen Vic going into the woods, and she's following. Sam rushes after her. He's stopped by a young boy asking if he knows where his father is. Yep, Little Sam just asked Future Sam what the hell is going on. I'd like to know that myself.

Sam rushes into the woods and sees Vic beating the crap out of Annie. Sam yells, which gives Annie enough time to incapacitate Vic with a swift (and well-deserved) kick to the groin. Go, Annie! Sam sends her away and confronts his father -- you're a kidnapping scumbag! Vic tries to pull out the "I do it all for my family!" line, but Sam isn't having it. He tells Vic he remembers being that four-year-old boy and seeing his father beat a policewoman to death. That's not going to happen this time. Then a couple of thugs appear in the woods behind them, and Sam realizes that Vic is the criminal kingpin. There are no Pignato brothers. There's just Vic, and he's vicious. How vicious? He shoots Sam in the gut -- twice -- and leaves him to die.

Sam wakes up in the hospital, where mourns to Annie that he thought he came back to save his father and keep his family together. Now he thinks that maybe he was just supposed to see what his dad was really like -- to have his last illusion shattered. Annie tells him that he's done an awful lot of good in the precinct, and maybe THAT'S why he came back, for all the people he helped and cases he solved. That comment, plus a mention of puzzle books, reminds him of something his dad said -- if you're trying to solve a puzzle and you get stuck, figure out the clue in the lower right-hand corner and that will help you solve it. Sam goes through all his case files and finds a bunch of seemingly random information that translates into an address -- 35 Stewart Drive. When he gets there, he finds a chessboard and a ringing phone. A distorted voice on the other end tells him he's doing a good job, but that he needs to do more. "I need you to go to the basement," the voice says. Oh, that's NEVER good.

Also not good? That little snippet is a tease that will have to last us until January 28. Harumph!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• I loves the serious 70s cop-series music that played during the stakeout. Well done!
• Jason O'Mara was rocking Sam's reactions. Poor adult Sam buried his nose in his father's leather jacket when he was left alone in the room, just breathing in the memories. The look on his face when he got to play basketball with his dad was heartbreaking.
• Vic did a damn good job, too. He turned on a dime, from doting dad to evil psycho. "Tell me something, boy -- did you have a good time at your fourth birthday party?" Chilling.
• Alas, all the time spent with Vic means we spent very little time with the cops of the squad. I missed them. Gene had one great line -- "I think they ruined a perfect ass when they put teeth in your head!" -- and that's about it.
• Chris was interesting this episode, trying out some of the techniques he's been learning from Sam. He pulled out the Good Cop routine, trying to talk to Vic about HIS family and HIS boy to get Vic to reveal where the kidnapped baby was. Too bad Vic himself was a bit of a sociopath...
• Sam's mom got him a Big Jim doll for his birthday. That sounded completely reasonable in the early 70s. Now, it sounds like something that gets sold in ADULT toy stores, you know?
• It's never a good idea to go down into the basement alone when a strange voice on the phone tells you to. I'm worried about what we're going to find there. But I'm even more worried about everyone forgetting the show in the two months it's going to be off the air!

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