'Desperate Housewives' picks up the pieces

It's always tough for the episode that comes after the big, exciting episode. Sure, two weeks ago we had fights, arson, and general mayhem on Desperate Housewives, but tonight's installment was tasked with cleaning up the aftermath, which isn't quite as sexy. That said, it wasn't half bad - it's a rare episode when none of the B-plots annoy me, so huzzah for that.

Lynette: The police, obviously, are onto the fact that Porter and Warren had a fight right before the fire. Lynette lies that Porter never threatened Warren, but she secretly suspects (and reasonably so, given his history) that he did set the fire. Tom doesn't want to believe it, but they decide together that if he did do it, they'll protect him. Really? Even though at that point he'd be a serial arsonist? Okay, I admittedly don't have any kids, so maybe the protective parenting instinct is beyond my comprehension, but at some point you have to teach them about consequences, no? Porter denies setting the fire when Lynette asks him point blank, and she seems to believe him.

When Anne is discharged from the hospital, Lynette gives her an envelope full of money, a ride to the bus station, and the threat of statutory rape charges as a get well soon present. Aww, you shouldn't have! She also makes Anne promise to contact her or Tom, not Porter, when the baby comes. Anne's parting words: "There's no baby. There never was." I...knew it? Hmm. Even though that's totally what I thought, the fact that she admitted it so freely makes me wonder if there actually is (was?) a baby. Oh, and apparently honesty is a one way street in the Scavo residence: Lynette flatly denies knowing where Anne went when Porter asks.

Susan: Mike has a new lease on life, and is ready to go public with his relationship. Katherine's a bit more hesitant but, of course, makes the situation worse by letting Susan find out on her own. Susan's pissed. And even more pissed that Bree knew. (Also, she's wearing an adorable red dress.) Bree lays some truth on Susan about how she's actually mad at herself for letting her marriage fall apart. Yeah, maybe, but I still think it's legit to be mad at one of your oldest friends for dating your ex-husband behind your back. Nice deflecting though, Bree. And though Susan forgives Katherine by phone, it's clear that their friendship has suffered.   

Bree: Orson has a nose injury, and thus a serious snoring problem that can't be fixed for a couple weeks. And let me just say that after hearing the snoring, I approved in advance of whatever crazy shenanigans Bree got into to try and fix it. AWFUL. Her description: "Imagine a terrified elephant summoning his herd." Ha! Orson's not on board with unnecessary surgery, but seriously, it's necessary. Trying to sleep while someone in the room is snoring is my idea of hell - no flames or pitchforks necessary.

In a shocking turn of events, it's Orson who instigates the crazy shenanigans! Without realizing that Bree has already taken a sleeping pill, Orson doses a cup of tea with sleeping medication, taking it back at the last minute when she mentions that she's already taken some. She oversleeps, though, and downs the medicated tea upon waking. And thus arrives at her cooking demonstration both late and drugged. It goes about how you'd expect, allowing Bree to drag Orson in to schedule the surgery. And the doctor, unbeknownst to Orson and Bree, is Andrew's boyfriend! They just moved in together! Awwww!

Gabby: Carlos wasn't terribly injured in the fire, but his doctor discovered a bone fragment that could be causing his blindness. Surgery, which could be scheduled in a month, may allow him to regain his sight. Gabby freaks out about her less glamorous appearance, going into a workout and dieting frenzy. I can't decide if it's annoying that she's weeping about something so inconsequential when her husband could be getting his sight back, or realistic. She panics when the surgery gets bumped up, and admits to Carlos that she's afraid he'll be disappointed in her looks. He tells a really sweet gross story about how he knew he wanted to marry her when he saw her devour a plate of ribs. Aww?

Dave: The police talk to Dave about the fire, calling him a hero, which leads to what appears to be a troubled look on Dave's face. Is he actually human? When Mike tries to thank him and asks what he can do, Dave says that ever since his brother died he hasn't had a really good friend, and asks Mike to step up. More evidence that Mike is the target, I suppose. Odd, perhaps, that Mike didn't ask what happened to Dave's brother. Painkillers? Unwillingness to be nosy?

The worried look continues when Dave learns that the fire killed seven people (unidentified to us, aside from the psychiatrist) and injured 100. Dave seems even more troubled when he hears that Porter is a suspect. Great line from Edie, telling Dave how she always knew that Porter was no good: "Trust me - I'm a really good judge of character." Oh, Edie. So karmically deserving of all of this. Dave finally confesses to the detectives, in a well-scripted and -acted fake-out, that he was by the storage room the night of the fire...and saw Porter coming out. Boo!

Are Gabby's image concerns absurd or realistic? Do you believe Anne about the baby's nonexistence?  

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