'Desperate Housewives' makes the most out of sweeps

Finally, the big November sweeps event we've been waiting for on Desperate Housewives!  Arson, murder, and one rockin' verse of "Mustang Sally" made tonight's episode one to remember. And you know what? I'm still very interested in this season's mystery, which is definitely saying something compared to the last few years.

The episode centers around the Battle of the Bands, starting us off there - where we see a fire break out during the guys' performance, and an arson arrest made the next day (it's unclear who) - and then flashing back to the events that led to that night.

Lynette: This plot means business, y'all. Was anyone else thinking fondly back to the days when the twins were stealing Mrs. McClusky's lawn ornaments when we saw Porter with the gun? Ah, memories. But I'm getting ahead of myself. After Preston rats Porter out, Lynette confronts Ann about the pregnancy. Ann confirms it, describing over Lynette's protests the circumstances that led to the affair in the first place - Porter happened upon the aftermath of Ann's husband beating up on her - and saying that she's glad to be having his baby. It's almost...sweet? Also creepy. Unfortunately, she's overheard by her husband, Warren (owner of the music club where Battle of the Bands is taking place), who shepherds Lynette out of the house and proceeds to wail on his wife. Awful.

Lynette rescues Anne and takes her to the hospital, where Porter finds out what happens and freaks out, attacking Warren at the battle of the bands.  Lynette intervenes (props to Felicity Huffman for some great acting tonight) and they leave out of the emergency exit, which Warren then orders locked. Yeeeah, as I'm sure you've guessed, that doesn't turn out too well once the fire breaks out. Outside, we see that Porter had a gun with him. Yikes. Even more yikes: Warren finds him and accuses him of burning down the club. 

Gabby: Virginia is back to stalk the Solises - she's gotten Carlos un-fired, and is ready to rejoin the family, despite their little "squabble." Gabby refuses to let her back into their lives...until Carlos mentions that she put them in her will as her sole heirs. Aaaand, she's back in the fam! The family that whores together stays together, I suppose.

However, Virginia quickly steps on Gabby's toes by trying to enroll the girls in a private school an hour away, insisting upon it when Gabby objects. Gabby, more mother than golddigger these days, tells Virginia to keep her money because the girls come first. Wow, I never thought I'd see the day! And instead of letting Virginia die in the fire before she can change her will, Gabby rescues her. And she doesn't even throw Virginia back into the fire when Virginia confirms that the Solises are still out of the will! Oh, Gabby. You've grown so much over the years.

Susan: Doubleyou. Tee. Eff. Julie is dating Steven Weber! Her college professor. Her 40-year-old, thrice married college professor. EWWWW. Susan has the same reaction, and honestly manages to keep it together waaaay better than I would when he tells her that he plans on proposing, and calls her "Mom." EWWWW!

Of course, Susan can't just wait to see what happens (fair enough, in this case), and ruins the surprise when he tries to propose at Battle of the Bands (how romantic...). Julie, however, didn't need the interference. Apparently, she hasn't lost all her sense. She's totally on top of not marrying an old dude she's been dating for three months - or marrying anyone ever, for that matter. I knew I liked that girl. Susan's sad to see that Julie's so soured on marriage, though.   

Bree: This plot seemed pretty pointless to me up until the end, but Marcia Cross really sold Bree's final speech. Basically, Bree's got a big interview with a tough reporter, and tries to put on the "perfect family, house, food, and flowers" dog and pony show, but gets busted on having a totally messed up life in reality. The reporter feels like Bree's book is a sham, marketing something unattainable to women, but Bree emotionally says that she doesn't feel too great about herself, and wants to throw a lifeline to other women in her situation so that they can get something right too, even if it's just a casserole. The reporter, predictably, is on board with that angle rather than the hatchet job she had planned.

Dave: Dave's psychiatrist, Dr. Heller, tracks him down at the Battle of the Bands, where he complains that Dave changed his name without telling him, AND moved to Fairview after promising not to. Dave claims that Edie knows the whole story and really wanted to move back to Fairview, and then tries to postpone discussion until after the show. However, the shrink realizes that "he's" in Dave's band after looking at a poster. Dave claims that he and this mystery man have worked through everything, but the shrink insists upon talking to "him," and the police.

Um, probably would've been better to just go ahead and do those things, rather than announcing your intentions to a psychopath with a rage problem. Too late for that, though, as Dave strangles Dr. Heller with his bare hands in a stockroom. Wow. And then douses the body in gasoline and sets it on fire. Wow. And then locks Jackson in a nearby bathroom when Jackson stumbles upon him leaving the stockroom. Wow.

He then heads out to rejoin his bandmates just in time for them to play their faithful rendition of "Mustang Sally." Don't you usually have to do original songs for Battle of the Bands? Also, can we discuss the matching band t-shirts? Because they really don't help with the rock and roll image. At any rate, Mike has a great voice, which isn't surprising considering James Denton is in a band. Possibly the greatest band ever, in fact. Hugh Laurie and Greg Grunberg! Awesomeness. Anyway, the stage catches on fire almost immediately, which kind of kills the mood.

As everyone tries to flee, people are trampled in the chaos. Dave breaks a window to let everyone out, but Jackson is still missing, obviously. Mike tells Susan to leave and runs back to get him, but succumbs to smoke when he gets into the bathroom and can't find Jackson, who's made it out on his own. Dave goes in after Mike, almost getting killed in the process. What a hero? His last words to Mike before he gets loaded into the ambulance: "Hang in there...I'm not done with you yet." Dun dun duuuuuun!!!

So, does this mean that Mike is definitely Dave's target, or is Mike just a way for Dave to get at his real target? Is Porter the person the police arrested the next day? Are you liking the way this mystery is progressing?

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