'Desperate Housewives': Compromising situations

I can't help but think that Liz will be a little bit miffed she couldn't cover this week's Desperate Housewives. While we didn't get a whole lot more info on Dave, the big reveal this week was huge. HUGE.

Carlos is a masseuse at a country club and kicks off the episode by accidentally giving Mrs. Virginia Hildebrand "a happy ending" just by touching her back. He asks if that ever happened to co-worker Clay and that never happened to him. Questioning if it really happened, Clay checks the tip envelope and finds a $300 tip. Um, I guess that really happened. Predictably, he doesn't tell Gabby how he got so much cash when she asks.

Yet another dangerous, devious woman (as the voice-over describes her) pops up and starts talking to Tom at an undisclosed location. Lynette drives by and is none to happy. This dangerous woman is Ann Schilling (played by the fab Gail O'Grady), the mother of Kirby who's a friend of Porter, and she's a realtor. Apparently she'd been helping Tom find a rehearsal space for his band so they'd get out of the garage. Somewhat surprisingly, Lynette agrees and has him sign the lease.

Susan talks to Frank about her issues with Jackson and how he broke up with her. Frank tells her not to be stupid and let pride prevent her from seeing how things with Jackson could develop.

Mrs. Hildebrand drives Carlos home from work. Gabriel and Virginia talk and she tells Gabby that she wants Carlos to travel with her to Europe for two months since she's been "pain free for the first time in years." Uh-huh. But she's offering $50,000 a month. Gabby is all over it but Carlos is not digging the idea.

Meanwhile, Orson got a call from an old friend name Peter Hickmen who hired them to cater a dinner for 80 for Peter's parents' anniversary. Bree is ecstatic, Katherine not so much. Especially since Orson did a bunch of Katherine's work. Oh yes, there be rivalry. Katherine's thinking about moving to Maryland since she doesn't have a life, especially of the love variety. She asks Bree to keep her busy.

Edie visits Mrs. McClusky in the hospital. Karen blames new medication for making her go bat-happy and tells Edie to apologize to Dave for her. Cutting the visit short, as soon as Edie leaves Karen goes from wilted to commanding and calls her sister, telling her to get to the hospital asap.

Elsewhere, Peter comes in to meet with Bree. While discussing the details, she gets the idea to hook Katherine up with him by planning a "sample dinner." Katherine isn't really into the idea until she sees what he looks like.

Roberta McClusky (Lily Tomlin!!!!) shows up in Karen's hospital room and they plot against Dave. Karen will go stay with sis so Dave still thinks she's out of commission while Roberta does some research on him. It's also revealed that this is not the first time they've had to deal with a guy messing with Karen - the one they mention has problems eating solid food. Oh, and Roberta sneaked Karen in a big old can of beer.

Susan goes to Jackson's place with some food and finds the door open. Hearing the shower running, Susan nudes up and goes in the bathroom to surprise him. But surprise! There's some other chick there. Screaming and shooting shampoo at Susan, she screams too and blindly flails about, accidentally sending Shower Chick into the wall and knocking her unconscious. Wow. Awkward.

Now clothed and Darcy the Shower Chick in a robe, Susan finds out they hooked up at a club and calls Darcy a slut. Fantastic. Enter Jackson with a pizza. Susan tells him she was starting to change her mind about the whole "future" thing but found "5 feet of lipgloss instead." Exit Susan.

Lee shows up at Lynette's house with a bottle of liquor to celebrate Tom's band no longer practicing in the garage. Kirby, who's house Porter is sleeping over, tells Lynette that his mom had been over to the practice space and that there's a futon there. Lee ends up pushing the paranoia button about the futon by calling the rehearsal space a "bachelor pad" and pointing out the futon turns into a bed. He tries to change the subject but Lynette's mental wheels are already turning.

At the space, the band takes a break and Dave and Mike "bond" while Carlos, Orson and Tom go off to get beers from the fridge. Mike confirms that he was in jail for five years while Dave wants to add extra practices to the schedule. Mike wonders why he's so invested in this but Dave brushes it off. Hmm...

Cut to Tom calling Lynette and saying practice is going late. When she sees Orson and Mike outside, she goes to investigate and catches Tom playing a video game. They have the mid-life crisis argument with Lynette calling out the sports car and the garage band and saying that the affair is next on the checklist. Tom says he thought she was just being a pill but if all of this is affecting her negatively, he's through with it all. They hug and...Tom spots an empty condom wrapper on the floor. Stepping on it, he says he'll clean up and be home soon. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The next day, Gabby goes to the country club to talk Carlos' boss into giving him two months off. She runs into Clay instead and she tells him about the offer Virgina made. Of course Clay lets it slip about the real reason the offer was made, also revealing she's been sending a car for Carlos to do the massages at her place. Gabby gets the address and heads over.

Jackson shows up at Susan's place to talk and they have it out. She reveals that love has not been kind to her while he says this is the first commitment he's ever wanted to make. Susan wants to start over and asks if they can. He walks out the door...and then calls her on her cell phone and introduces himself, asking her on a date. Mad cute.

Gabrielle arrives at Virgina's and maneuvers around the maid to find where Carlos is, the massage session already underway. Sneaking in and hiding behind a screen, Virginia lifts her head and sees Gabby in the mirror. She tells Carlos she has to make a phone call and he leaves. They talk and Virginia says that she's very lonely and Carlos helped heal the pain of that loneliness. Uh-huh. Gabby softens a bit and Virgina reveals that she's going to Europe to see couture fashion collections. She offers Gabby a job as a personal shopper, to be paid in dresses, and to bring the kids along. Gabby accepts. Sucker. As she leaves, Virginia calls Carlos back in the room.

Meanwhile, Dave shows Edie their band's logo. The name, Blue Odyssey, is the name of the band his brother had in high school. Edie didn't know he had a brother so Dave explains. His name was Steve and he got caught up in drugs and went to prison where he was killed by another inmate. The courts ruled the murder as self-defense so the dude served his time and got out. Edie says it'd help to talk about stuff like this but Dave says he has his own way of dealing with things. That's not suspicious at all.

That night, Orson comes home from band practice and finds out that Bree set up Katherine with Peter. Orson reveals that he and Peter didn't meet in college...they met in prison. Peter was a surgeon who dabbled in organ trafficking. Oops. Bree doesn't take the news too well and goes to call Katherine to warn her. She's whispering...because Peter just fell asleep. They slept together and apparently it was great. Since she's so happy, Bree doesn't have the heart to tell Katherine the truth. Get it? Doesn't have the heart? Wocka wocka wocka!

The next morning, Katherine shows up work a smidge late and finds Bree making Cosmos. Cut to Katherine crying and saying she's going to move to Maryland. Bree tells her she's like a sister to her, that she's family and would be very unhappy if Katherine left. So she's staying and they start making pies.

After night falls, Tom's all antsy and asks if Porter is spending the night at Kirby Schilling's house. Lynette says yes...then Tom tells Lynette that he might have left the freezer door open at the restaurant and is going to check on it. Cut to the rehearsal space and Ann laying on the pulled-out futon covered in a bed sheet. Except it's not Tom she's talking to...it's Porter who's getting dressed. EW! Ew ew ew ew ew! Good grief woman! Illegal much? Tom shows up and finds Porter there, Ann having run off and hid herself in the bathroom. Porter says it was a girl from school and Tom gives her sixty-seconds to clear out. Ann runs off outside where Lynette sees her.

Back on the block, Katherine runs into Mike, who just got back from a horrible date, and invites him in for some coffee. Tom drives himself and Porter home.  Porter sees Ann in her car in the distance and says he'll put the cover on the car and goes off to make-out with Ann instead.

The episode closes out with Lynette angrily packing a bag, Virginia brushing her hair with a satisfied look on her face, and Karen McClusky arriving at Roberta's house where her sister awaits with info about Dave.

Assorted Bits & Pieces

• I'm so glad that Tom isn't having an affair and, while the Porter/Mrs. Schilling affair is creepy, I appreciate the twist. Poor Lynette.
• So we get a smidge more info about Dave's past. If he is looking to take revenge for brother Steve's death in prison, both Mike and Orson would be the likely candidates for retribution. Though the way he's obsessing over both Steve's band and the neighborhood garage band makes me wonder if Dave is really Dave...
• How awesome is Lily Tomlin? Very. Viva las McClusky Sisters! I can't wait to see how this plays out. And nice wink with Roberta working at a phone company. "One ringy-dingy..."
• That whole coffee deal at the end seems to be foreshadowing a Katherine/Mike hook-up. I approve. It's a shame that Peter was an organ-harvester though. I kind of liked him.
• It was nice seeing Lee, even if it was only for a second.
• How about that Mrs. Virginia Hildebrand? That woman so very clearly is insane. You'd think Gabby would know better than to be snuckered like that by now. But then again, this Hildebrand dame is a pro at manipulation and appealing to Gabby's vanity is definitely the way to get that door open.

What did you think about tonight's episode? Your opinion on the Schilling Affair? Do you like the idea of Katherine and Mike hooking up? How crazy do you think Virginia Hildebrand is?

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