'Californication': There Will Be Blood

Sure, Californication makes illegal sex and drug use (among other things) look cool and highly imitable, but when it begins to interfere with your personal life, you should probably take a step back to see the big picture. If you're Hank Moody, what do you care? Especially when Mallory Keaton has the hots for you. Sha-la-la-la!

These Spoilers are fresh off their stint in rehab.

Previously... Charlie has fun with porn, Hank researches Ashby's life, Becca has a boy, Marcy has coke problem and Mia... oy vey.

Judging by his mood, I'm guessing Hank isn't too keen on Lew Ashby of all people sleeping with Mia. Of course, I'm sure very little sleeping is going on. Ashby rationalizes his actions by saying if having sex with Mia was good enough for Hank, it is good enough for him. Hank has Ashby pinkie-swear that he'll never do it again. NEVER! The best part is when Hank realizes that's what he puts other people through with is reckless sex life.

At the Hustler store in West Hollywood, Hank is begging Charlie to get him out of the Ashby deal. He becomes quite chivalrous when it comes to Mia, eh? Charlie's too preoccupied with other, more pressing matters... namely; he's got a thing for Daisy. While his stand-in role from the shoot last week impresses Hank, he's not hot on Hank's suggestion they bail on LA before it gets too crazy.

Meanwhile, Hank tries to "stop" Ashby's long-lost love from exiting a parking lot. By stop, I mean being quasi-hit with her Range Rover. Janie Jones is her name and stopping Hank's advances is her game. That is, until he brings up the writers angle of his life. He offers a date, and while she isn't exactly throwing herself at him, I'm also not hearing a no!

Hello Justine Bateman! She's playing Becca's teacher, telling Hank and Karen that Becca is most definitely her favorite student. She also not-so-casually mentions she's a recent divorcee. After the meeting, Karen asks Hank if he knows why Mia has been spending so much time at Ashby Manor and constantly asking about older men. Naturally, she wants Hank to play bodyguard and keep Mia as far away from Ashby as possible. Once Karen disappears, Mrs. Patterson catches up with Hank, making sure to point out that she's all about his writing. Hank makes sure to point out he likes pissing Karen off, which seems to be kind of a turn on for Justine.

Long story short: Hank is the man, but not before she shares that it's her time of the month, not recently waxed and that she's a bit of a crier after the fact. Hank excuses himself to the bathroom, only to find Damien downstairs. If I had to see a naked Hank emerge from my mother's bedroom with spots of oddly located blood, I'd probably ask if he hurt her as well.

Over at Casa Runkle, Marcy drags Daisy into a sleeping Charlie. Seems she's been sleeping in her car because her old manager ransacked her apartment upon hearing the news his services were no longer required. Desperately seeking a quick resumption for his beauty sleep, Charlie promises to deal with it. The guestroom is offered, but when Marcy exclaims she's too tired to make it up, Daisy crawls into their bed. Only in Hollywood.

The next morning, Hank makes his way to Ashby Manor, only to find Mia and Ashby at it once again. He exclaims Mia just won't listen to reason. Our favorite jailbait could care less, because she knows Hank will never tattle, lest Karen finds out about other certain indiscretions. Ashby is freed from his bondage and quickly offers Kurt Cobain's guitar as a peace offering. On his way to the kitchen to make crepes, Ashby lets it be known that Hank is his only friend.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Becca is less than kind to Hank for nailing the mother of her boyfriend. In a classic Hank Moody moment, he tries to turn it around on Karen, claiming her reluctance to be with him is the root cause for his playboy ways. Becca emerges to a non-hug with Hank. He offers the guitar recently gifted to him as his own peace offering. She declines, calling him out on his less-than-stellar parental style.

Hank returns to the Patterson house for a chat with Damien. He tries to go emo crazy on Hank, but calms down once he makes our favorite writer pinkie-swear himself that he'll never touch his mother again. Justine watches her son banish Hank with a chagrined look on her face.

Charlie arrives home to find the irate ex-manager demanding payment. Not surprisingly, Daisy entered into a bad contract... a contract that probably won't hold up in court, but nonetheless one the manager expects to be followed. To prove what the badass he is, he gets medieval on the Runkle kitchen. To calm him down, Charlie agrees to pay him off with cash from the emergency stash. Marcy does her best to stall him from opening the safe. Once it's revealed Marcy blew her "mad money" on what I can only imagine is a mountain of cocaine rivaling Tony Montana's, we find the now-happy manager speeding away in Charlie's convertible. At this point, he insists Marcy go live with her mother to kick the habit once and for all.

Hank and Becca take a walk down the street. She hates being a parent to him and Karen, and tells him to be a better role model in her life. Her morose pity party is quickly becoming boring, but I must admit Madeline Martin is stepping up the acting chops here. Hank wants to know what Damien means to her, to which she replies that he is smart and makes her feel pretty. Hank's plan was for the two to reconnect all along, as we find Damien calling to her from a distance. Turns out, Damien was the ultimate recipient of the Cobain guitar after all.

At the bar, the foreign barmaid is ready for her shot at love with Hank Moody, but he surprisingly resists. Seems there's another gal on his mind tonight... Janie!

Next time on Californication, Janie and Hank have a fling while Karen confronts Ashby about Mia, only to get a little Ashby action herself!

I'm calling it now: Karen finds out about Hank and Mia's encounter by the season finale... do you agree? Can Marcy in parental rehab be a good thing? With Becca and Damien back together, can we expect another Justine Bateman appearance?

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