When we last left our intrepid heroine LC on The Hills, faux K-Fed was playing games with Audrina, Spencer got smacked down by Heidi's awesome mom, putting Heidi in the middle, and Holly tried to rekindle a friendship with Lauren.

At the rockin' bachelorette pad, Lauren and Lo discuss Lauren meeting Holly for a drink that night. Lauren worries Holly is getting her Yenta on and trying to get Lauren and Heidi back together. Lo's reaction to the night of drinks is, "Well... drinks are harmless." Famous. Last. Words.

Epic Records. Audrina and Chiara have lunch. Poor Chiara. All she ever does is listen to Audrina bitch at work. Can't we get her some screentime doing something FUN? Audrina says she has a date that night with "Colin." She hasn't told faux K-Fed, but Chiara and Audrina (and me too!) agree that she doesn't have to tell him.

Cuvee for lunch. Heidi and Holly discuss Lauren, with Heidi making sure to tell Holly how much Lauren misses her. Holly really does seem to be trying to Parent Trap these two back together. She's obviously taking cues from Naomi on the new 90210. Heidi says she's the one who lost all her friends in the break-up and Holly tells her to write Lauren a letter to remind her of Heidi's heart.  Or some schmoopy crap like that. In the scenes between the Montag Sisters I'm always struck at how much Heidi is really pretty and Holly is really... not.

Audrina and Colin go out and he.... looks a lot like faux K-Fed. She obviously has a type. They discuss music and I try not to nod off on my keyboard. There's an offhand comment about how strong Aud's drink is. This segues into a discussion of drunkeness and how faux K-Fed just fights with her when she's drunk. Colin reassures her that he's a happy drunk and then asks her out again. Just a tip... don't talk about your other boyfriend on the next date, lady.

S Bar. Lauren and Lo meet Holly for drinks. There's a chance Bob the Bachelor is the bartender. Seriously, did you see him? It was totally Bob! They laugh about when they used to share a bed and then the topic of Heidi comes up. Holly impresses upon Lauren how much Heidi misses her.

People's Revolution. Whitney gets her weekly requisite listen-to-Lauren's-problems-scene. Spinoff for Whitney and Chiara! Spinoff for Whitney and Chiara! Lauren gives Whitney a letter she got from Heidi. It reads (basically) "Lauren, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything.  I'm so sorry for every hurtful comment I said. That's not who I am. I will treasure our friendship. This whole thing has also been really hard for me. Sincerely, Heidi Montag."

Whitney is spot-on saying that Heidi must not have any girlfriends and is probably really lonely. Yes, that is what happens when a passive-aggressive piece of crap keeps you locked away in a tower like freakin' Rapunzel. Lauren says Heidi still cannot put the blame for their friendship ending in the right place, which is with Spencer. He really is the Devil's Spawn, huh?

Audrina meets Colin for dinner. She immediately brings up faux K-fed calling last night (am I psychic or what?) and how they talked late into the night. OH MY GOD, AUDRINA! Are you mentally challenged? Colin rightfully asks about what is going on with faux K-Fed (as well he should) and she defends their relationship, saying they aren't boyfriend/girlfriend but she has known him a long time. Oh lord. RUN, COLIN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Holly comes over to the bachelorette pad. She and Lauren discuss the letter. Lauren kind of blows it off and Holly spins her Heidi-missing-you-has-regrets record right round, round, round. Lauren asks if Heidi has any girlfriends and Holly says... not really. Lauren says it's not Heidi keeping her away, it's Spencer. She can't bring herself to be civil to him. Hell, sister. I've never met the boy and I don't think I could be civil to him. I think it'd be more beat-him-with-a-tube-sock-full-of-woodscrews.

The next morning, Lauren and Audrina dish about Aud's date. She thinks it was her last date with Colin because he was asking her about faux K-Fed and she was telling him the truth. Um, it wasn't exactly Colin "asking" about faux K-Fed. It was you BRINGING HIM UP RIGHT OFF THE BAT.

Lauren then spills about the letter from Heidi and Holly's matchmaking shenanigans. Lauren thinks maybe it's better to just look back at their good couple years fondly. She reiterates that it's not Heidi, it's Spencer and how if they are always together it won't work. Lauren wonders where they'd all be if Heidi never met Spencer. Lauren says, "Isn't it weird to think about how one person coming into someone's life can change everything." I smell a Quantum Leap episode. Dr. Sam Beckett can fix everything!

Faux K-Fed and Audrina have dinner and she spills the beans about her dates with Colin. K-Fed seems fairly unaffected and callous about it. He is obviously dating and doesn't care enough about Audrina to be exclusive and she totally wants to be. That sucks, Aud. Dump his ass. He'll just keep stringing you along until you do.

House of Despair and Abuse. The Montag Sisters talk about Lauren and the letter. Holly tells Heidi that Lauren misses her. Heidi says Lauren could say let's move on and be friends and Holly says it could happen, just as Spencer the Evil saunters in and assily wants to know what's going on. Heidi confesses about the letter in the way the abused woman has to confess she spent a little too much money and hope her husband doesn't beat her.

Spencer wonders why she kept a secret from him and then shushes Holly as she tries to defend Heidi. How he doesn't get just bitch-slapped across his flesh-colored-beardy face is beyond me. Holly tells them both that Lauren said straight-up that she won't be friends with Heidi as long as SPencer is around. He thinks that's great and Holly says that it would be great if they were friends again because that would mean he wouldnt' be around anymore. Heidi looks pensive and sad.

I have not seen this punk-ass jerk be nice to his girlfriend ONE TIME this entire season. How is she with him? I don't understand it! What do you guys think? Am I crazy in my Spencer hate?

Comments

I know this show is reality, but wow, Spencer is a numero jerk.

Jerome | Oct 6, 2008 10:57:58 PM | #

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personally, i don't blame spencer for being sick of holly living with them! how long til you get sick of a houseguest?

hey lauren, what if there had been no spencer (and all the ensuing drama)? then maybe there never would've been a season 2/3...lauren, sorry to break it to you, but wasn't your sparkling personality (cough cough) that has kept this show going!!

btw, fun to see audrina out with another guy and dreaming of the day (someday) when she will be over justin-bobby...i feel your pain, girl....

dolly | Oct 7, 2008 12:08:24 AM | #

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spencer is the devil. or a witch. what ever he is he is all uber-tooley to heidi and everyone else in the world and needs to sink back into the firey pits of hell from which he came. ooo! that would be a great season opener.

vicious circle | Oct 7, 2008 7:52:15 AM | #

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Andrea perhaps it is Heidi's massive amounts of plastic surgery that makes her look so different from her sister... personally I thought pre-surgery Heidi was super cute, but the way she looks now is scary and fake.

Lola | Oct 7, 2008 8:32:09 AM | #

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Andrea, great write up! Compared to all the show reviews, yours shows a lot of personality and flare. Also great little inside jokes like quantum leap, lol.

The World | Oct 7, 2008 9:39:17 AM | #

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Am I the only person who couldn't care less if Lauren ever accepts Heidi back into her life as a friend?

I mean, I don't normally say this, but I agree with Spencer ... to an extent. I think that it's a very good thing that Lauren no longer has Heidi around her. She's incredibly insincere.

Did you see her call her mother "silly" for suggesting that S is manipulative? Did you see her 'outraged' "Spencer!" when he told her sister to shush? Did you see her tap-dance when the supposed love of her life came out in the middle of her conversation with her sister about Lauren to interrupt and manipulate?

Lauren doesn't need a friend like that. No one does. Even if she wasn't with Spencer anymore she wouldn't be a quality friend. She's deluded or stupid at the very least and insincere or a fame hound at the most. Besides, it wouldn't take her very long to find a Spencer copy to replace him.

I do wish this show would stop focusing on whether or not Lauren will ever take Heidi back. It's boring and the best scenario is what's happening now. Lauren is happy and she's forgiven. Heidi has apologized (more times than seems necessary if she means it) and she spends most of her time with S and (supposedly) is happy. Case closed, imo.

I liked seeing Whitney on this ep. If they focused more on the characters at work I'd love this show again. To me the show is about young women starting their careers and adult lives with an additional dose of love and friendship drama thrown in for spice. I wish it would go back to this format.

I too feel for Audrina and her sorry taste in men. Colin was super cute, super sweet and very interested in her. It's too bad she broke his heart to eventually have her heart broken by JB.

She'll learn.

Lo looked beautiful on this episode!

Berlin | Oct 7, 2008 11:19:51 AM | #

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LC is a kinda boring central character but i still agree that LC shouldn't let heidi back in her life. then she'd be boring AND STUPID. heidi always claims that she hasn't done anything to LC. lest she forget the whole jenbunny-brody incident! yes Berlin, a deluded insincere fame-hound says it best about heidi i think.

michellescofield | Oct 7, 2008 2:06:04 PM | #

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Ummm, do people still really think this show is "reality"?

Tracey | Oct 7, 2008 3:00:43 PM | #

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Sad but true, Michelle.

Berlin | Oct 7, 2008 3:02:43 PM | #

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I'm not particularly fussed either way, Tracey.

Berlin | Oct 7, 2008 3:07:56 PM | #

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Will Heidi and LC reconcile? I doubt it. If Heidi's family members can't get her to let go of Spencer, I don't think LC can.

It is sad that Heidi doesn't have any girlfriends.

Check out my blog on the latest episode:
http://timefortv.blogspot.com/2008/10/hills.html

Tracy | Oct 8, 2008 8:08:27 AM | #

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This show keep me watching every single week, but I'm dumbfounded as to why! Every story line so far has been pretty predictable, and I can't help but think the majority of the characters wouldn't be friends at all if it weren't for the money they get paid! And why (bar Spencer) are there no ugly people?
I agree that Spencer is a really bad boyfriend, he is rude and manipulative, very controlling at times and was SO rude to Heidi's mum - but at the same time without that conflict the show wouldn't be as popular. Who wants to watch a programme about a happy couple and a bunch of really good friends who all get along?
I also get the feeling that Lauren would easily be friends with Heidi again were it not for the interest that their conflict brings? Its all thats ever talked about really! All that Lauren has ever been interested in is having all the attention on her, making her look like the good guy all the time. It's ridiculous, but like i say...I'm still addicted!!

sarah | Oct 12, 2008 3:06:46 PM | #

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