If there’s one thing Smallville did for me tonight, it helped me to realize that men are pigs, women really are ruled by emotions and that I wish Charlotte Sullivan (or any of the ladies) would email me their phone numbers. It would definitely make for a better use of my free time.

This Spoilers warning comes with an alternate blog title: Death Kiss For Cutie. Sorry, but I nowhere else to put it.

Dr. Gruel, having recently come out of his spider hole, is analyzing a crystal for Tess. He starts a frequency modulator that activates the crystal, shooting a major beam of light out of Castle Luthor. The pretty blue light disappears almost as quickly as is appears. Tess is intrigued, not realizing what she’s unleashed onto the streets of Metropolis.

A random stereotypical stockbroker comes across the newly arrived Maxima, her outfit leaving very little to the imagination. She introduces herself to the guy, mistaking him for the one who activated the crystal. They share quite the passionate kiss, which initially overpowers him. Never underestimate the male libido, as he attempts to make out with her once again… that is until he collapses from the sheer sexiness of the kiss. Or bad acting, take your pick.

Down on the farm, Clark gets a call from Lois to get to the Daily Planet in a hurry. He takes this literally to a point where he forgets to feed the dog. Once he does arrive, Lois shuffles all her busy work to him. She then rips him a new one for not getting back out into the dating field, using many bad puns in the process. Are the writers seriously reducing Lois to nothing more than a pun maker? They both read the coroner’s report which shows endorphin levels through the roof. At least the guy went out on a high note.

In the middle of packing, Chloe makes fun of Jimmy’s music collection. I am so Jimmy in this conversation. Jimmy finds a note not meant for his eyes… a note from Chloe read to an unconscious Clark back in their sophomore year of high school. Jimmy channels his inner drama queen and marches out with jealousy in tact.

Really, Chloe? You can do much better than that.

Tess gets a dress and note from Oliver to meet up on a date. Like a woman, she keeps the dress but turns down the date. Out of nowhere, Maxima shows up wanting to know where her Kryptonian soulmate is. When Tess offers to “help”, Maxima reads through the BS and proceeds to choke the bitch. God help me, I love a strong woman.

Lois and Clark work the dead stockbroker story with Lois teaching a thing or two about seeking out clues. She then proceeds to find out from her police source that there’s more than one victim. Seems Metropolis has a serial succubus on its hands! Clark finds a symbol that seems rather familiar to him.

In a dress made for Tess, Maxima goes clubbin’ for her long lost love. At the same club, Jimmy is drowning his shallow sorrows with shots of tequila. Meanwhile, a forlorn Chloe looks at pictures of happier times when Clark arrives with a picture of the symbol he saw earlier. Her Brainiac mind figures the whole thing out, even the alien connection. She goes on her laptop to search out a pattern of Maxima’s rampage. I would imagine the first clue would be an alien slut looking for love in all the wrong places.

Back at the Ace of Clubs (groan), Maxima moves in for the kill, but Jimmy’s not the cheating type. She persists, and Jimmy loses control. Quite the seductress, that Maxima. Clark arrives just as Jimmy collapses from the sheer force of the makeout session. He whooshes to his rescue, gaining Maxima’s attention in the process.

Tess emerges from the shadows at Chloe’s to offer her a hacking job. When Chloe turns her down, Tess channels Lex and threatens her, but it’s nothing Chloe hasn’t seen before.

Jimmy wakes up in the hospital. He tries to cover his tracks with the tequila route, but Clark knows about his encounter with Maxima. Jimmy feels that Chloe will always have feelings for Clark. Self pity isn’t all that great, Jimmy, so I suggest you quit the pity party ASAP.

Clark reviews club security cameras to catch a glimpse of Maxima when the power goes out… and who should whoosh in but Maxima. They kiss, which turns Clark into quite the horny Kryptonian… so much so that he clears off a nearby desk for the dirty deed. Being adventurous, she whisks him away into an empty elevator. So begins super sexy relations when the elevator door opens to a waiting Lois. When Clark chases after her, Lois pretends not to be jealous whatsoever and is only interested insomuch that he secretly pine for her from afar. She leaves the building, but Maxima refuses to let her get away by heaving her car, with Lois inside, up and across the street upside down.

Lois busts out of the car and denies any attraction to Clark. The police arrive with their guns trained on her head. Something tells me this won’t end well.

Clark shows up at Isis to find a waiting Tess. He wonders why Maxima would attack, of all people, Tess. She then pulls out the crystal and grills Clark of his knowledge of it, which he promptly denies. Tess gets a call about the Maxima situation; Clark eavesdrops and whooshes away before Tess even hangs up.

Once on the scene, Clark whisks Maxima to an alley where she tries to get hot and heavy along with the sweet talk that they are truly soulmates. All she wants is a good man. Who can really blame her for that? Clark strains to keep his composure. She continues to claim to only want what’s best for him. When he wholly rejects her, she’s teleported back from whence she came. Must me nice to be wanted by so many women, Clark. Care to share in the fun there, good buddy?

The next day, Chloe tells Clark that Jimmy is coming home okay. Clark wants to know more about the letter Jimmy flipped his lid over. Once she reads it, she decides to finally close the door on her schoolgirl crush on him. Chloe does insist that Clark should give her away at her wedding, to which he agrees. Clark then tells her that she can cure her of the Brainiac thing, but he needs the crystal… the one Tess wanted Chloe to “hack” into.

Tess is practicing kickboxing when Chloe shows up to take the job offer, except Tess claims the “supercomputer” has been stolen. So much for the undercover route.

Lois shows up at the farm to re-exert her position as dominant female and continues to be jealous of any other woman in Clark’s life. He offers her the room back, but it seems one stint at the Kent farm was enough for her.

In the end, Tess gets a mysterious email taunting her about the crystal and that she’s not ready yet… mysteriously signed by a red X.

Spooky, indeed.

Next time on Smallville, a serial killer tortures his way to Lois and Clark… where she might reveal her true feelings for our superhero!

How did Charlotte Sullivan’s take on the sexy alien queen work for you? Is it possible to inject Jimmy with a little more testosterone for future episodes? Do you think the writers will try to incorporate all the DC Comics characters in this season?

Comments

This was a great episode and smallville is still giving us surprises. The stuff between lois and clark was good but that first scene between chloe and tess was beyond good. It reminded me of chloe and lional scenes except this time chloe is not going to be pushed around. The person who stole the crystal is a cool thing to think about.

scott | Oct 9, 2008 11:34:42 PM | #

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Contrived & forced EDlois & Clark is so bad, the lack of chemistry between TW & ED is glaring.

The lightswitches are out of control.

Pulling out the Fever letter was badly done.

Just overall crap.

Nik | Oct 10, 2008 1:05:11 AM | #

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Maybe you shouldn't watch anymore if you're so disappointed Nik.

| Oct 10, 2008 1:46:54 AM | #

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Brandon, keep up the good work.

I always miss Smallville while coach's shows at Gino's tie up my Thursdays (just arrived home last night in time to get settled in for Supernatural...talk about weird, but Tre' and me are hooked)

Stay strong, keep writing and keep your personality in check in the reviews. Let the reader decide if they like episode or not, just giving them enough ammo in reviews.

Woody

Woody Woodrum | Oct 10, 2008 5:17:25 AM | #

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Aw crap, are they really going to pull out the "Red X" alias? (on a semi-related note, I miss "Birds of Prey")

pakopako | Oct 10, 2008 8:44:29 AM | #

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I love Smallville! Brandon thank you so much for bringing back the recap.

To answer your questions. I don't think that Jimmy needs more testosterone, he's always been a very insecure guy. There is no Superman on the series so his traditional reaction to that part has been transfered to Clark. He's on a show with two future superheroes and a supervillian, he will never come off as the most masculine of the bunch anyway.

I think Charlotte Sullivan did a very good job last night. My favorite scenes with her were her scenes with Lois and Tess. Does anyone know where Maxima was sent after Clark rejected her?

I loved the loft scene between Lois and Clark. I like how they are progressing their relationship to a more mature level.

I like that Chloe wants Clark to walk her down the aisle, but what happened to her dad?

Penny | Oct 10, 2008 8:53:31 AM | #

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I was really enjoying the first few episodes of the season, but I had a feeling that this one would be a clunker! The storyline was so cliched -- sexy woman with superpowers is attracted to Clark, and she tries to kill anyone and everyone who gets in the way. It reminded me too much of Simone in season 5 and Alicia in season 4. I think the writers are having trouble coming up with any fresh storylines after 7+ years.

I was actually happy that the writers remembered Chloe's love letter from the "Fever" episode. I am getting tired of Jimmy's insecurities and jealousy over Clark and Chloe's relationship. Chloe deserves better than Jimmy, who has shown that he is the one with a wandering eye (remember he was dating Kara last year?). Even if Clark and Chloe don't end up together, Chloe certainly should have a better and more loyal boyfriend than Jimmy. :-(

The only good thing about this episode was that they showed Tess actively looking for Lex and trying to figure out the crystal. I think that the bad girl Tess is way more interesting than Lana, who was mentioned several times last night as Clark's
"first love" (BARF!). I guess that's the writers's heavy-handed way of telling us that Lana will be back soon.

Also, I have a big problem with the writers. Why does Clark still live on the farm in Smallville, while he is working at the Daily Planet in Metropolis, which is supposed to be 2 hours away by car? The viewers know that Clark can superspeed to work in two seconds, but wouldn't his co-workers wonder how he commutes to and from the DP everyday? Then Clark even invites Lois to move in with him on the farm? Why didn't the writers have Lois point out to Clark that she doesn't want to live somewhere that is two hours away from Metropolis? Instead, Lois turns down the offer because they argue too much! Does this detail about the distance between the Kent farm and Metropolis confuse anyone else????

Paige | Oct 10, 2008 9:22:02 AM | #

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So Lois, after wondering if she should have ever let Oliver go, suddenly and inexplicably is in love with Clark. Yeah, right. This show is passed ridiculous and is heading straight into badly written fan fiction. And, yeah, I might just stop watching altogether.

Mel | Oct 10, 2008 10:34:25 AM | #

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Most of you seem to like the episode but there are some who watch every week just so they can say how bad it was. They are morons, if you don't like it don't watch because the people who have watched the show for eight years don't want hear you.

scott | Oct 10, 2008 11:28:32 AM | #

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Ugh. Maxima looks too much like the actress who plays Natalie on One Life to Live. As for the episode itself, it was just filler and totally dumb. Bring back Kara. I knew something was amiss when Laura Vandervoort wasn't in the opening credits.

Gill Avila | Oct 10, 2008 11:59:11 AM | #

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Ugh. Maxima looks too much like the actress who plays Natalie on One Life to Live. As for the episode itself, it was just filler and totally dumb. Bring back Kara. I knew something was amiss when Laura Vandervoort wasn't in the opening credits.

Gill Avila | Oct 10, 2008 11:59:35 AM | #

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Nick - I thought I was the only one who noticed the low Lois-Clark chemistry.

As for the naysayers naysaying the naysayers;), if your little brother (a former honor student) suddenly drops out of school and starts doing drugs, would you walk away from him? Just because we critique Smallville, doesn't mean we don't love it. It just means we're disappointed and we keep watching and criticizing in the hopes that what we loved will return -

An | Oct 10, 2008 8:32:57 PM | #

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That X does not mean they are going to bring RED X from teen titan because he is a super theif

peter petersburg | Oct 10, 2008 10:30:51 PM | #

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I watched this episode after promising myself, "No More!" post-week one. But then I recanted as I thought maybe I judged the show I'd enjoyed for all its previous seasons (even given the Lana factor) a bit too harshly after viewing the season premiere. Nope...
Absent Lex, Lionel, and Clark's father, you're left with the overly sensitive Clark and testosterone-challenged Jimmy as male 'leads'. (I'd say this show resembles nothing so much as a comic book reimagining of Gillmore Girls, but don't want to insult the Palladinos.) Don't get me wrong-I have no problem with the idea of women ruling the Smallville universe. It's just that the writing and storylines are so weak.
I don't believe in the Chloe/Jimmy relationship/engagement for a microsecond, and as noted elsewhere, the preliminary moves in the Lois/Clark coupling are totally devoid of chemistry. At least there were some serious sparks with Lois/Oliver, and it's just a damned shame that Chloe and CLark were never allowed to explore their romantic potential for the sake of: (1) Lana, and; (2) The 'mythology'. (A mythology, incidentally, that never included Lex disappearing from the scene.)
So I'm officially swearing off Smallville altogether before the geniuses running the show do something abysmally stupid like wiping out Chloe's memory of who Clark really is. Scoff at me now, but don't lose count of how many more sharks are jumped over the course of the first season Smallville overstayed its welcome.

Daniel E | Oct 11, 2008 7:09:06 AM | #

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I'm enjoying this series of Smallville. I HATED Lana and got bored with Lex, but they are a bit short on characters right now, with just Chloe, Clark and Lana. Jimmy is SUPER irritating! Please dump him super-Chloe! I'm interested to see what they do with Lois and Clark. Actually, they can't do much yet, surely.

Cath | Oct 11, 2008 4:47:22 PM | #

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If you ever watched the movies or the lois and clark, or ever read the comics you would relaize that Clark and Lois are about complete opposites of one another. She is vibrant, headsrtong go getter, and he is a calm guy. And yet they fall in love. So the show is staying true to the source material people! Get a grip

| Oct 11, 2008 7:20:50 PM | #

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Best episode in years. I'm glad they are speeding into Lois and Clarks relationship. They meandored on Lana for FAR TOO LONG. Everything seems very fresh this season. They've finally entered superman territory.

David

David | Oct 12, 2008 4:03:30 PM | #

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Speeding into a Lois & Clark relationship is right. There has been no logical developement of this relationship beyond a sex starved alien saying they have a bond, one that they are not aware of after four years of barely being friends. Yes, this is epic story telling. At least in the comics, movies, and tv Clark actually liked Lois. This version is a shrill, undeserving harpy. I've been a Superman fan for 30 years and this is the first Lois Lane I wanted to see vanish for good.

Bkwurm1 | Oct 15, 2008 1:13:30 PM | #

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Really enjoyed the episode. Think the characters have great chemistry, especially Lois and Clark. Can't wait to see what the rest of the season holds.

vy | Oct 15, 2008 5:22:30 PM | #

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To whoever commented before me:

Just because Lois appears to suddenly be in love with Clark doesn't mean she wasn't before. Most likely she was, it just wasn't shown. They can't have Lois/Clark when he's still all gaga over Lana.

Furthermore, why are people always complaining about Lana/Clark? YES, we knew that they were doomed, because it will always be Lois and Clark, but you can't deny that they were a cute couple. The mystery was always what would be the final situation to cause Lana and Clark to break up and for him to forget her and go to Lois after all that time of being in love with that other girl. He wouldn't have just dropped Lana withought something major happening.

Please, give Smallville deep thought before writing everything off as being totally ridiculas!

Kayla | Oct 22, 2008 3:30:46 PM | #

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I agree with you, Paige...100%. Living in Smallville and working in Metropolis makes no sense. (I'm watching episode "Abyss" now and Chloe going from the Talon in Smallville to Metropolis University Hospital made me do a search about this.

"Also, I have a big problem with the writers. Why does Clark still live on the farm in Smallville, while he is working at the Daily Planet in Metropolis, which is supposed to be 2 hours away by car? The viewers know that Clark can superspeed to work in two seconds, but wouldn't his co-workers wonder how he commutes to and from the DP everyday? Then Clark even invites Lois to move in with him on the farm? Why didn't the writers have Lois point out to Clark that she doesn't want to live somewhere that is two hours away from Metropolis? Instead, Lois turns down the offer because they argue too much! Does this detail about the distance between the Kent farm and Metropolis confuse anyone else????"

Butter In Chicago | Nov 16, 2008 1:49:56 PM | #

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