'Desperate Housewives': The green-eyed monster

Another week, another above average episode of Desperate Housewives. Careful, Marc Cherry, or you'll spoil me! And as we delve further into this season, I get the sense that the set-up is fading, and we'll get to the real action soon.

Bree has a somewhat ugly week, though it starts out on a high point: she's been named Businesswoman of the Year by the Chamber of Commerce, and has advance copies of her new cookbook to give out to all her friends. Their identical inscriptions ("To the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known") are quintessentially Bree both in their seeming thoughtfulness and in their efficiency. Katherine later throws her copy away. Bitter, much? She has good reason to be bitter, though, as Orson lost his job due to his criminal record and wants to become Bree's partner. In a great scene, Katherine whisper-threatens to quit as they arrange flowers, and Bree asks Orson to keep looking. However, Bree reverses course and gives Orson the job after he starts sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Lynette sees Bree's success and, like the egomaniac she is, goes mad with jealousy as she thinks about how unsuccessful she is these days. Lynette really bugs me, you guys. She decides that she hates the advertising plan Bree's agency came up with (as well as her life), and decides to completely rework it. Hey, remember when Lynette was a successful businesswoman? Hard to imagine now, isn't it? She presents her new, nostalgia-based campaign to Bree, who isn't buying it. Bree: "'Let Mrs. Van De Kamp turn your oven into a time machine?'" Lynette: "I see women really responding to that." Bree: "Do you? Because I see children crawling into ovens, hoping to see dinosaurs." HA!

After Bree flat-out turns her down, Lynette spends Bree's entire award dinner bitterly complaining about how bland Bree's ads are. As it happens, Bree's ad agency is run by Lynette's former assistant! Commence the embarrassing, drunken ranting at Bree about how she should use coupons (as the former assistant is talking to Bree about internet marketing), which ends with a glorious exit out the emergency door, alarm blaring. In a scene that rings true, Lynette later confesses to Bree that she's horribly jealous of Bree's success, and just wanted a tiny piece. Bree confesses in turn that she doesn't feel very successful, since she's losing her friends and family over it. Way to ruin your friend's happiness, Lynette. (Side note: Why does Lynette have a different wig on every week? Is the cancer back?)

In our obligatory wacky and wild B-plot of the week, Gabby and Carlos get Juanita into a weekly play date so that they can have more sex. Isn't Juanita old enough for pre-school? Anyway, they make the fatal error of blindfolding Gabby during sex so that she can feel what it's like for Carlos. "Fatal" because Juanita gets dropped off early and totally sees them doing it. Awful! At first Gabby says they were "wrestling," but Carlos insists they tell her the truth, which leads to everyone in Juanita's play date getting a big dose of sex ed. ("Sperm!") Gabby and Carlos try to explain the situation to the play date parents, and they get Juanita back in until Carlos lets slip to the parents' daughter that there's no Santa. So...no sex for Gabby and Carlos, like, ever.

At parents' night in M.J.'s kindergarten class, Susan and Mike see that M.J. has drawn Jackson instead of Mike as part of the family. Mike, instead, is a tiny bug-looking thing in the corner, because he's "always so far away." Aww! Mike, following the path of many divorced parents before him, tries to buy him off with a bike, but by the time he's able to teach M.J. how to ride it, Jackson has already done the job. Can someone back me up on the fact that Susan's scream when she saw Jackson teaching M.J. was really fake and overwrought? Even for Susan? At any rate, cue the inevitable Susan-inspired shenanigans in which M.J. has to fake learning to ride a bike again.

M.J. zooms around like a pro in front of Mike until Susan quietly urges him to take a spill, at which point he falls down in the most hilarious way imaginable: he stops the bike completely before tipping over. And, of course, he sprains something, despite the 47 layers of padding he's wearing. Predictable, but well-executed. In the hospital, Susan and Mike have some sort of emotional conversation that ends with Susan telling Mike "There's nothing more you can do," but my stupid DVR cut out the rest. Anyone able to summarize in the comments?

Dave is getting more and more interesting. Though he and Tom hold auditions for the garage band, Dave makes clear that he wants Mike playing guitar, being really pushy about it and weirding Tom out. And, as hinted at before, the dude's got a SERIOUS rage issue. When Edie presses him in a conversation about buying a second house as an investment, he starts shaking and yells at her before running upstairs to unlock a suitcase full of prescriptions drugs, downing a couple pills. Hmmm. Then, he actually breaks a pipe in his yard to get Mike over there. Cra! Zy! Though I suppose Susan clogged up a drain with her daughter's art project back in the first season to accomplish the same end. Maybe Dave can't resist Mike's rugged good looks either.

When Mike says he lives too far away to join the band, and can't afford rent closer by, Dave decides to buy the house after all in order to secretly rent it to Mike at a cut-rate price. So...Mike's moving back into town! Across the street from Susan! Can you say full circle? Susan is understandably wary, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

Are you happy to see Mike moving back into town? Any further guesses about the source of Dave's rage? And seriously, what's wrong with Lynette?  

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