'Army Wives': Quagmire

It wouldn't be too, too hypocritical, after arguing just a couple of weeks ago that Army Wives had become far too melodramatic, to now be frustrated when the show delivers an episode that I'd consider painfully dull, right? I'll admit right off the top that I'm being inconsistent here. It's thoroughly unfair to ask that the show tone things down, and then be upset when the show does just that. But honestly, this episode just didn't do a whole lot for me. As we speed towards the season finale, this is the time in the season when things should really be ramping up, but this episode sure felt like a lot of running in place.

Trevor has big, big news, but then the repercussions of that news are completely tabled for the week as Roxy deals with a separate issue involving her mother instead. The Holdens spend the whole episode fretting about Emmalin's relationship with Logan, but then it turns out that at the end of the episode Emmalin is in the very same relationship status with him that she was at in the beginning. The Burtons have a nice, quiet little plotline, but one that is unlikely to have any real ramifications. We had big questions entering the week about what exactly the Connors were up to and what kind of threat they really pose to Michael and Claudia Joy, but we're no closer to an ultimate confrontation than we were before the episode.

And then there's Pamela. Pamela literally spends the episode standing around and biding her time, trying to keep herself busy by helping out at the bar because she's got nothing better to do. It's like a day at school with a substitute teacher, and Pamela has been given busy work. That's what a lot of this episode felt like, busy work.

Trevor's big news comes within the very first minute of the episode: the doctor officially clears him to return to combat, thus ending the possibility that his Army career may already have been over. But from there, Trevor and the remaining questions about his future are relegated to the sidelines as Roxy is confronted by another problem altogether. Perhaps the most interesting thread in the entire episode is the panicked reaction that T.J. and Finn have when they learn that Trevor may go overseas again and leave them, but that story thread will have to wait at least a week to actually be dealt with.

Roxy pretty much never wanted to see her mother again, but in truth she's probably lucky that Marda showed up out of the blue at just this moment, because it allowed Roxy to distract herself from the fears of what'll happen next with Trevor. A week ago, Roxy and Trevor were planning their post-Army future, and now everything they talked about is wiped away with one clean bill of health.

The last time Marda was in town, Roxy ended things by basically telling her to get lost and never come back. But Marda shows back up, with a new fiancé named Jerry and an insistence that she's not drinking anymore. Roxy, however, isn't quite buying the new Marda. Since the last time she saw Marda, Roxy has begun going to her support group for families of addicts, and it has only given her more ammunition to be angry at the effects Marda had on her upbringing.

When the cash register at Betty's comes up short $380, Roxy instantly is suspicious. Roxy confronts Marda, who pleads innocence, and Roxy declares that this was the last straw and this time she never wants to see Marda again, for real this time. At the end of the episode, Marda comes back to the bar with the money - it was Jerry the fiancé who actually took it. Marda breaks down about the latest bit of bad luck and bad decision-making in her life, but Roxy isn't about to console her, leaving Marda with a busted engagement, a broken relationship with Roxy that she can't manage to fix, and the only consolation to be found in a bottle of whiskey.

Elsewhere, Roland and Joan are starting to get on each other's nerves about their different approaches for how best to take care of the baby. Claudia Joy, observing how frazzled and tired Roland is, volunteers to babysit so that Roland and Joan can have a night off to themselves. Joan freaks out about leaving their daughter for the first time, and Roland pretty much has to drag her out the door. Even on the date, Joan keeps frantically checking her phone for voicemails that aren't there, and Roland takes sympathy on her by rushing through the evening so that Joan can get back to her baby quickly. It's an endearing little subplot, though nothing too earth-shattering. Perhaps that's the point; after Joan's earlier fears about possibly not being cut out to be a mother, this storyline demonstrates that she is, in fact, just like any other mom. Aside from that, though, I wasn't really able to grasp any possible long-term effects of what we see here. Is Joan experiencing what will be a significant personality change that will affect her return to military life? I don't quite see it that way yet.

Meanwhile, Denise seems to have decided that her new life should start with an old face. She has invited Mac, the double-amputee soldier from whom she first got the motorcycle earlier this season, to come back to town to speak about his ordeal for a "Warriors in Transition" program. Mac and Denise proceed to flirt for the whole episode. Mac should watch himself. Things didn't turn out too well for the last man Denise showed interest in.

While Denise appears to be ready to try her luck with a new romance, Frank is definitely not. For whatever faults Frank may have that led to him pushing Denise away, Frank's an upstanding guy who believes in honoring his marriage even if his partner isn't doing so anymore. Kelly Hu shows up as a fellow officer whom Frank meets in Iraq, and she's instantly making sweet eyes at him, but Frank is completely oblivious to it, as he starts talking about his wife without any mention of the separation. At the end of the episode, Frank calls Denise, but Denise ignores the call as she's with Mac and lets it go straight to voicemail, while a disappointed Frank gives a sigh from Iraq.

Emmalin and Logan are hanging out, as Emmalin does her math homework. "Math is so sexy," she coos. Almost as sexy as science. But for the record, if you're worried about an age difference making a relationship weird, here's a tip: don't do your high school homework in front of the guy. That seems pretty obvious. But the sexy, sexy math turns Emmalin on, and a makeout session ensues. So much for them being just friends, as Emmalin had just assured her parents.

Logan tells Emmalin that he's worried about the secret of their relationship getting out, but he apparently isn't so worried that he hasn't been doing a little bit of bragging to somebody, because some of his fellow soldiers certainly know what's up. Logan gets into a fight in the mess hall with a fellow soldier who loudly announces to everyone in the room that Logan is "nailing Holden's daughter." Seated nearby to hear everything is none other than Evan Connor.

Evan brings the news to Michael - and give Evan credit for doing it in a sympathetic and discreet way, pulling Michael aside in the office to quietly let him know what's going on. Evan certainly could have used the information he had learned in a sneaky and underhanded way to get leverage against Michael, but he didn't. In the past week, I had started wondering if maybe Jennifer's encouragement of Emmalin and Logan might be some kind of nefarious plot - Jennifer encourages that relationship, which then becomes a big scandal and brings shame to the Holden family, leading to some possible scenario in Jennifer's head whereby the Holdens flee in shame and the Connors assume power over everyone at Fort Marshall - but if Jennifer is thinking anything like that, Evan seems to be in the dark about it. For whatever other faults Evan has, he does seem to legitimately respect Michael. Then again, we learn later that Evan did tell Jennifer about the relationship between Emmalin and Logan, which reeks of inappropriate gossiping.

Michael and Claudia Joy confront Emmalin. They know that Emmalin has been lying to them, and punish her accordingly, grounding her for the lying. But Michael just can't bring himself to strictly forbid that Emmalin see Logan. Michael is operating under the recollection that when they tried to ban Amanda from seeing Jeremy, it only made Amanda more resolute to see him. "The fastest way to lose her is to forbid this. It's also the fastest way to heat it up," Michael tells Claudia Joy.

Jennifer swings by the house and runs into Emmalin, who vents about how unfair her parents are being. Jennifer continues to stir up trouble, telling Emmalin that the way she talks about Logan sounds like real love and Emmalin can't give up on it. Jennifer further encourages things by giving Emmalin a pair of concert tickets and suggesting that Emmalin use them on a date. Emmalin thinks it's super-cool, like this is the type of mother she wishes she had, though she actually refers to Jennifer as like a big sister.

When Claudia Joy learns what's happening, she doesn't think it's so cool. She is righteously pissed at Jennifer's interference, and confronts Jennifer about it. "I know you don't have children. But you should really watch those wildlife documentaries about what happens when you try to come between a mother and her child. It doesn't end well," Claudia Joy threatens Jennifer.

What is Jennifer doing here? Is she intentionally picking a fight with Claudia Joy, or has she legitimately taken to Emmalin as something of a surrogate daughter whom she's trying to help make happy? These Connors are so hard to pin down. Jennifer hasn't done anything directly hostile to anyone; her major crimes thus far are planning her own fundraiser (the witch!) and encouraging young love (how dare she!), actions which would seem noble on their own but have instead turned her into public enemy number one.

And then there's Evan. Just when you think you might have a handle on Evan, he does something completely different. The last time we had seen Evan prior to this episode, he was being charming and a little bit goofy at casino night, being really self-effacing about his bingo skills. He hardly fit the description of a tyrant. So what happens the first time he's on screen in this episode? He's a total bastard to Trevor for no reason at all, carping at Trevor in the mess hall without even looking Trevor in the eye, talking with his back to Trevor and seemingly doing it only to show off to his fellow officers. So now, Evan's a complete jerk - but then the next time we see him after that, he's trying to be compassionate in discreetly letting Michael know the rumors about Emmalin and Logan. The more you find out about Evan, the less you really know him.

The producers sure seem to have written Evan and Jennifer as villains, but do you see them that way? Or can you make an argument for them as well-intentioned and misunderstood? If they're like a wildlife documentary, then what kind of animal is Jennifer? What kind of animal is Evan? Do you trust Logan, given that he had to have told somebody how he's "nailing Holden's daughter"? Can you explain to me why Trevor's huge news for the future of their family is so downplayed in this episode? And is math really the sexiest school subject, or do you have other suggestions?

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