'Army Wives': It's about time we had the sex talk

We've arrived at the next-to-last episode of Army Wives season two, so Lifetime is now promoting what comes on the network after the season's over. It doesn't slide exactly into the same timeslot, but what essentially will be filling the hour of original programming that Army Wives filled on the schedule is a new show called Blush: The Search for the Next Great Makeup Artist. Blush premieres the week after AW's season finale, and it's a reality competition series in which contestants compete for a job as a makeup artist with Max Factor. It's ... basically something you couldn't pay me to watch.

There's been a little bit of an elephant in the room during this whole season of Army Wives posts here on It Happened Last Night, in that I, your humble recapper, happen to be a man writing about a show for which the viewing audience is so overwhelmingly female. Networks tend to hide demographic data so that they can use it for their own purposes, so we have no real statistics on just how much of the viewing audience is women compared to men. Two-thirds? Seventy-five percent? 80%? 90%? Even more than 90%? It has to be way up there. What we do have here on Zap2it is the chance to just skim the names of commenters - not a whole lot of male names popping up. It's a female-skewing show, through and through.

But it's also one of the few things on the network that has even a chance of drawing male viewers - people who aren't exactly likely candidates to be watching Blush. Given that it's pretty much time to start looking forward to season three next year, we have to ask the question: should Lifetime's marketing for Army Wives be focused on consolidating that female audience, or should they try to appeal to men as well? I'll leave that question up to our army of commenters. To the women out there, do you watch the show with male friends or family, or is AW a ladies-only affair in your household?

The one and only time I've referred to "the men of Army Wives" as a distinct block, it was an episode in which the men were behaving badly. More commonly, the men of the show are depicted in pretty favorable terms. Michael Holden might be the most sensitive and compassionate character on television - if not for the fact that he's competing with Roland and Trevor just to be the most sensitive man on this show. This episode will offer Roland as super-dad, Trevor having the wisdom to help Marda when Roxy would be willing to just send her mother away, and Michael demonstrating his continued emotions over the death of his daughter Amanda. And even Frank is so in touch with his emotions that a new woman is cooing that he's the most romantic person she's ever met.

That new woman is Jordanna, Frank's fellow officer in Iraq who started throwing off a vibe of interest in Frank as soon as we met her. By now, Frank has opened up to her about the separation. But when Jordanna starts getting too personal, Frank shuts the door. "You don't know a damn thing about my wife and me," he says. "It's none of your business."

Of course, Frank probably doesn't know a damn thing about what's going on between himself and Denise either at the moment, for Denise has rapidly plunged into dating Mac. Denise kisses him at a restaurant, though it's explained away as Denise just trying to help a self-conscious Mac who was being ogled by fellow restaurant patrons. But when Denise kisses him again the next day, there are no such excuses. This is just Denise going for what she wants.

Frank, meanwhile, apologizes to Jordanna, and Jordanna invites him over to her quarters for some coffee. Frank, who hasn't dated anyone in a quarter-century, seems to actually believe that it really is just an invitation for coffee. Jordanna starts talking about how the way Frank speaks of his wife is the most romantic thing she's ever heard, and plants a big kiss on him, which eventually Frank reciprocates. The scene of Frank and Jordanna kissing heavily is intercut with a scene of Denise and Mac in bed together, demonstrating where babies come from.

Fortunately, Pamela's daughter Katie isn't around to see any of that. Pamela is accosted by a cadre of sneering moms when Katie explains in great detail to everyone at third-grade recess how babies are made, after Pamela is forced to give that talk to Katie. Ah, Pamela, getting the low-rent plotlines as always, storylines that revolve around kids showing their "private parts" to one another.

Meanwhile, Marda is still here, despite the fact that she continues only to serve as a roadblock in the middle of the path we really care about, which is how Roxy and Trevor will deal with the fact that Trevor is cleared to go back to war. Marda doesn't have the good sense to just die already and leave us alone. Instead, Roxy gets an unexpected call that Betty has succumbed to the cancer. Roxy and the gang decide that they will take it upon themselves to honor Betty's memory with a celebratory memorial service at the bar. Roxy makes a nice speech relating the loss of Betty to what they all go through as military families. "Tonight I know what it feels like when someone you love does not come home," she announces.

"And now I'm jealous of a dead person," Marda notes upon realizing that Betty has been more Roxy's mother than she has. Marda tries to grab a drink, but Trevor stops her. Trevor sits her down for a talk about how Marda needs to give up drinking if she's ever going to have a real relationship with them, and then Trevor drags Marda to her first AA meeting. Roxy is proud when she hears the news, and when it's time for Marda to head out of town, Roxy says she's welcome back anytime, so long as she can stay on the wagon. Roxy even calls her "Mom," for what is presumed to be the first time in many years.

Elsewhere, the show's newest mom is returning to work, but Joan is stressing out over leaving Sara. Joan starts crying before she's supposed to go out, telling Roland she doesn't think she can go through with it. With the right mixture of sympathy and forcefulness, Roland is eventually able to shoo her off. But when she gets to work, Joan remains much more preoccupied with calling home to keep checking up on Roland and Sara.

And of course, that brings her into instant conflict with Evan. Joan bristles when Evan comes to say hi, implying that Evan must be unhappy to see her back. Evan acts confused by the assertion - and either Evan is a good actor, or that was legitimate surprise to hear that Joan is so suspicious of him. When Joan suggests that Evan has been punishing Trevor for stepping in the way of their disagreement over how to handle the drug issue, Evan is insulted at the accusation that he would be so unprofessional. He says that he has shown neither resentment of nor special treatment to Trevor - unlike Joan, who has coddled him in his office job because of their friendship. Evan tells Joan to stop treating him like a subordinate, when they are of equal rank and he takes his orders from General Holden. "I do this job to the best of my ability, and I will happily step in whenever you feel the need to rush home to watch your daughter blow bubbles," he sneers.

Evan has filled Trevor's spot in his old unit. Evan spins it that Trevor is actually being acknowledged for his accomplishments; he's being reassigned to the top infantry unit at the post, where Trevor will be made a corporal and a Team Leader. It's a promotion, but it's one that Trevor doesn't really want, since he just wanted to rejoin the unit that he feels ashamed he hasn't been with. As is usually the case, there are multiple ways to look at Evan's actions here. It's true that he really did push through a promotion for Trevor, whereas Joan on the other hand is merely attempting to return Trevor to the job of driving for her. You might believe that Evan has good intentions here, if not for the fact that he's caught in a lie in the process. He told Joan hat he reassigned Trevor because his unit in Iraq needed to fill his vacancy and couldn't wait for him, something which Joan says is contradicted by the unit commander.

Claudia Joy and Michael still aren't happy about Emmalin seeing Logan, but they're resigned to it. There's just one catch, in that while they'll allow the relationship, they cannot come out and publicly support it by way of inviting Logan to their home for dinner. It's still a taboo for an enlisted soldier to be dating a general's daughter, and Michael won't do anything that could be interpreted as directly sanctioning the relationship. "So I can't have my boyfriend over to my own house?" Emmalin scoffs, saying that it's stupid.

A general from the Pentagon comes to Fort Marshall bearing news for Michael. NATO wants him as deputy commander for operations. Hee! The Deputy Ops! See, now, this is just excellent. The role of General Baxter, who delivers the news, is played by Frankie Faison, the great villain Burrell from The Wire, who began that series as the sneering Deputy Ops - the very role that Baxter is offering Michael here. Anytime you have a chance to make a nod to The Best Show Everâ„¢, that's just excellent.

Michael goes to find Claudia Joy to break the news, and it happens to be at the memorial for Betty. It's the first time that Michael has gone inside the bar, something he was unable and unwilling to do earlier in the season after Amanda died and Michael was wary of the bar ever being rebuilt.

Claudia Joy says that the NATO opportunity in Brussels is wonderful, a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Michael is worried about Claudia Joy having to leave her friends, but Claudia Joy says that she would be fine - this is something they all know they have to be ready for. Michael has another issue, that here is where their memories of Amanda will always be, and leaving town might be like leaving Amanda behind, something he's not sure he can do. But for now, it's the other daughter who raises the most immediate concerns. This would mean dragging Emmalin away from her new boyfriend, after Michael had specifically said earlier in the episode that he would not do that.

Michael and Claudia Joy break the news to Emmalin. Unlike what I could sadly presume would be most U.S. high schoolers, Emmalin knows where Brussels is. But like your average teenager, Emmalin believes that this is all about her - that somehow NATO offering Michael a job is all a conspiracy to keep her away from Logan. Emmalin says she's not moving. "I am not going, and you can't make me," she puts her foot down. When Emmalin breaks the news to Logan, he is similarly adamant. "We can't let that happen," Logan insists. All right, then, I suppose it's two teenagers taking on NATO. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that two teenagers cannot do what the Eastern Bloc could not.

So that takes us to the endgame of the season, with the finale next week. I said that we had to be ready that some characters might be leaving us, but I really don't get the feeling that the Holdens are actually going to be shipped to Europe. Nonetheless, it sets up a climactic political showdown at the base for the finale. For whatever faults Evan may have, he seems to really, honestly respect Michael's leadership and not want to do anything that would cause conflict with Michael. But if word gets out that Michael's leaving and there would be an opening as post commander, then you can expect to see everyone's true colors revealed.

Next week, the finale. What are you expecting? Do you believe that somebody might not make it out alive? Will Frank and Denise's marriage dissolve once and for all? Will the Holdens actually leave Fort Marshall? Will the Connors attempt to situation themselves at the top? Will Pamela get something to do other than having to give the sex talk to her kids?

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