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'America's Got Talent': WINNER!
I'm on pins and needles about who is going to be crowned the winner of America's Got Talent. I sincerely wish they conducted tonight like the Top 5 of the Miss America pageant. Bring them out, make them hold hands, announce the 4th runner-up, hand Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer his bouquet of roses and then shuttle him offstage while he cries. Repeat. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Instead we have filler, filler everywhere but not a drop to drink. Actually, that's untrue. I have a delightful Cabernet Sauvignon to drink. It's probably the only way I'll survive these 58-minutes of torture to get to the 2-minute payoff where I find out who won. The Hoff tells me this is the night I've been waiting for. It's like he's IN MY HEAD, y'all. Jerry welcomes us and tells us this is the closest vote they've ever had. Ooooh!
The Final Five Cylons Contestants appear onstage looking oh-so-dapper in various shades of black and gray. Very nice. Neal starts crying already. Okay, who had 3 minutes in the Pool of Tears? (See what I did there? Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? Anybody?) The Hoff says every single one of them could play Las Vegas. Hmm.
Now we have the Top 10 performing together. Oh dear. This could be quite the trainwreck. NBS plays their violins and all the singers take turns singing except Eli is also on the piano. Joseph Hall sings in a non-Elvis voice, which is surprisingly good. Why is he an Elvis impersonator? He should just sing like a normal person!
They're singing Kelly's "A Moment Like This," which is just one of those songs you shouldn't touch. Kelly did it so well. Hey, look at that! This week they have sparks across the ENTIRE stage, not just dribbling down from one spot. Guess they were saving the Sparklers Budget for the finale. Kaitlin gets to sing the last line and I audibly "awww" in my living room like the big ol' sap that I am. Sharon, looking SHINY in a beautiful dress and gorgeous sparkly jewelry, says it was just amazing and they all have a career ahead of them.
Jerry then tells us how we can audition for AGT. I think next year I'll try out with my spinning-plates-as-I-sing-"Lady-of-Spain"-while-I-ride-a-unicycle act. It's pretty awesome. He also tells us we'll find out who won soon. I don't think 55 minutes from now counts as "soon," Jerry.
Leona Lewis performs and I'm sad it's not "Bleeding Love" because that song is awesome. She's still great, though. And so pretty. Sigh. I even like her big nose because it gives her face some character instead of her looking too perfect. Yay for Leona.
We now have the Final Five lined up on-stage, so I can only hope it's Pageant Time. Alas, it is instead Celebrity Shout-Out Time. Il Divo gives a shout-out to Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer and Neal starts crying again. Brian McKnight gives Queen Emily a congrats, wow! Awww, he's so adorable. Marc Cohn is the one for Eli Mattson and loved his version of "Walking in Memphis." Andrew Lloyd Webber comes out of his cave long enough to congratulate Donald, who should totally play the Phantom somewhere. Wyclef Jean is the one for Nuttin' but Stringz! OH WOW. Now that is impressive.
We now have the Audition All-Stars. Oh lord. Is this like when American Idol laughs at the mentally-challenged adults who audition? A crazy little man with a goatee starts singing and that answers my question. So we have the song "Having a Good Time" performed by (in order of appearance) Crazy Little Goatee Man, Elvira Mistress of the Dark, Nerdy Stripper, faux Cyndi Lauper, faux Dionne Warwick, faux Rod Stewart, Screaming Iowa Lady, a crazy off-tune woman, a crazy old lady with... are those... clackers?, a trumpet player, Busty Heart, the mother-daughter whistlers, two Ozzy impersonators, and the grand finale is when the Tap Dancing Reanimated Corpse of Bette Davis is lowered onstage in half a disco ball. Oh my lord. I'm gonna have nightmares about that montage. Seriously scary nightmares.
Jerry now says, "Let's remind ourselves how we all spent the summer together." Oh please. Let's not. Please? But no, we have a video journey of America's Got Talent. Like anyone who is watching the finale wasn't there for the rest of it? Ugh. The montage goes: crazy people, the judges, crazy people, big notes, little children, impersonators, crazy people, the judges, the American Flag, Jerry Springer, more big notes, sparks raining down from the ceiling, more judges, more big notes and the American flag. And don't forget the clip of Kaitlyn saying, "I'm from America" for the, at last count, 428th time. GET ON WITH IT!
We are now down to an elimination? Maybe? Hopefully? Oh my god, it IS like Miss America! They should make them hold hands! The 4th-runner up is... QUEEN EMILY! Damn, I was hoping for Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer. Aww, but good show Emily. Way to pursue your dream. She's a classy lady. We relive her journey. Offffff course we do.
Next is the 3rd runner-up... [loooong pause] Donald Braswell! Wow, I'm actually surprised. I figured he'd be higher than Eli. But now I still have hope it's Eli Mattson and Nuttin' but Stringz, though I fear it is Nuttin' but Stringz and Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer, which makes me wanna barf. Anyway, we have another video journey. Donald is a handsome fella, I'll give him that. Now he can go get himself a gig in Phantom or Mamma Mia or Wicked or something.
The 2nd runner-up is now most certainly Eli Mattson but I guess we'll have to see. And it is... NUTTIN' BUT STRINGZ!?! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! Holy crap, no! I am flabbergasted. My jaw is literally dropped open in my living room. Man, that stinks. Ugh, this means Neal is going to win. I'm just sure of it. And he's not good. He's just not. Man, I hate when I get invested in things where the American Public votes because I just end up getting mad at their stupidity. We go to commercial with Eli and Neal E. Boyd left on-stage and Neal is crying again. Oh, spare me.
Wow, the Dodgers just beat the Cubs in Game 1 of the NLDS. I'm surprised, the Cubs have been SO good at home. Interesting.
We are now down to Eli-Neal E. Boyd thunderdome. Jerry asks Neal what winning would mean to him. Neal holds it together for approximately 10 seconds, saying that he didn't think America would respond to opera this way. Well, you didn't really sing OPERA, dude. Let's be honest here. Stephen Sondheim and Eric friggin' Carmen (I love "Make Me Lose Control," btw) are not OPERA. Barf.
Jerry asks Eli the same question and he says that if he wins he'll be able to stop shaking on stage. Awww! He also says he'll be able to take care of his family and do what he loves for the rest of his life. We relive their respective journies on the show and MAN Eli is cute without his hat. I don't think he should wear a hat ever again. Phew. I'm having a hot flash.
Finally we get some results. Jerry tells us less than one-half of one percent separated these two. And now the winner is (Neal cries)... Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer. Blech. He cries harder. Eli hugs him and the sparks go wild and the confetti falls and it's all very exciting. If you like an opera-ized version of a West Side Story song. There is now a special message from Placido Domingo to Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer. If I go to Las Vegas and Neal is not billed on the marquis as "Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer," I will be sorely disappointed. He sings "Nessum Dorma" again and I amzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
First thing: if there were 5 million votes cast and, say, the 3 runners up split 2 million votes, then that means Neal E. Boyd and Eli Mattson each got approximately 1.5 million votes and were only separated by 15,000 votes. However, you can vote 20 times, 10 times per voting method. Which means instead of 5 million voters, there were actually approximately 250,000 people voting. Which means the difference between Eli and Neal was only 750 voters. Not votes, but actual people. Interesting. I'd love to see the numbers on how many votes were actually cast.
Second thing: there was a commenter last week who wondered if I'd ever been on stage. As a matter of fact, I was an all-state soprano in high school, majored in Theatre Arts in college, and have performed in countless plays and musicals. I think my three favorites were Noises Off, Pirates of Penzance, and A Midsummer Night's Dream. Just for the record. : )
Third thing: how come we heard from Sharon and The Hoff tonight but not Piers? Piers is my favorite!
Thanks for reading, guys! I'll see you back here next summer!
That's crap. Nuttin but Stringz, despite the stupid name, was the only act worth paying to see. I hope Wyclef helps them along the way.
Jen | Oct 1, 2008 7:17:19 PM | #Andrea, you took the words right out of my mouth when you said you hate getting invested in things when the American Public votes because we are actually stupid when it comes to voting. I of course mad the same mistake of getting emotionally involved with this show actually picking a favorite and wanted them to win, I should've not cared at all and maybe Nuttin' But Stringz or Eli would've won then.
So the plump boring Opera singer won, I just want to know who actually voted for this dude. Does anyone actually find Neal interesting? They have been pimping Neal since day one, but I really thought he was going to come in third, but this is why I get for actually caring who wins because it never works out.
Neal may have a show in Vegas and a million dollars, but in the long run Eli and Nuttin' but Stringz will be more successful.
DJ | Oct 1, 2008 7:40:46 PM | #THAT is crap. I'm with you - Eli should have won. But you know what this means?
Eli isn't a Vegas act. He's WAY better than that.
....Chris Daughtry, anyone?
Nuttin but Stringz definately should have won this thing. But 3rd?????? It just seems all a little to much of a coincidence that Neal would win this right after Paul Potts makes big headlines for being an opera singer from nowhere when he won Britain's got talent. I'm not saying Neal isn't good, but I would rather see Stringz win.
Aaron | Oct 1, 2008 7:42:14 PM | #Sorry folks, but I was for Neal all the way !! way to go NEAL!!! beautiful miracle story for a very talented--and sweet-- guy ! go for it Neal !
sue brown | Oct 1, 2008 7:44:01 PM | #Neal actually won! I was for him all the way. Great singer and nice guy! The world has another opera singer.
Norma J. | Oct 1, 2008 7:56:46 PM | #Neal has genuine soul. That's what Americans love! Queen Emily had it too. The others were like Barack Obama.
george | Oct 1, 2008 8:01:14 PM | #I thought Nuttin' but Stringz was a sure winner, but I guess I was very wrong. I would have even been alright with Eli winning. Neal just didn't have near the talent of either act, but I guess America was too stupid to see that.
Adam Barnes | Oct 1, 2008 8:08:42 PM | #This is the third time America chose wrong -- Bianca, Terry and now Neal.
America's definitely Got Talent. Unfortunately, the Americans voting can't seem to recogonize it!
Beth | Oct 1, 2008 8:21:07 PM | #Nuttign but string, they were ok, but with that movement, you can't play anything descent. It will be just simulation and touching of surface and playing with the instrument. It won't do any real violin play. But they were really good at that, and that was good enough for vegas.
THe genuine winner is Eli Mattson. He has everything, i mean everything. I am sure he will be the biggest star for the next few decades. He has it all.
"how come we heard from Sharon and The Hoff tonight but not Piers? Piers is my favorite!"
Just a guess, but perhaps Piers was pissed at the outcome and decided not to say anything about it, lest he jeopardize his status on the show.
Johnny | Oct 1, 2008 8:46:25 PM | #I went to Door Co. & got to see Eli Mattson perform & he is an amazing artist!! I could listen to him for hours, but I believe that he is much bigger than AGT!! Eli will still make it BIG!!
Monica | Oct 1, 2008 8:48:08 PM | #Wrong guy won, nbs should have won ,but all acts will be sucessful, will all do better than most of us! good luck to them
robert creston bc can | Oct 1, 2008 9:01:33 PM | #Was surprised when Queen Emily was knocked out first. Thought the StringZZZZ were probably the best, but don't think I would like sitting for an hour watching them. It would totally wear me out. Truthfully, I don't remember ever noticing Eli until right at the last 3 or 4 performances, and one of the judges was so impressed with him and I had to start paying closer attention. I think he is really good, but I didn't see any charisma with the audience like the others had.
Marge Johnson | Oct 1, 2008 9:08:42 PM | #I'm so sorry about the outcome of this show! But I agree, it seems like the 3 judges were trying to steer the voters to Neal. Always gave him the best compliments--even when he had a poor or average performance. He seems like a nice guy, but for heavens sake, quit the crying already! It is ok to be emotion once or twice, but not every time someone talks to you!!
It takes more than a good voice to make an entertainer. You have to have the complete package, and Neal simply doesn't have it.
I too, got emotionally invested in this competition and spent time voting. For the previous writer, you can actually vote 50 times if you want to spend the time. 10 Votes from your land line, 10 from your cell phone, 10 from your email address...then 10 from your husband's cell phone and 10from his email address. That's actually how bad I wanted to see Donald Braswell win--but to no avail.
Here's how I thought it would end up:
1. Donald
2. Eli
3. NBS
4. Emily
5. Neal
We'll see just how long Neal Boyd is around...I don't think he will be a 100M Las Vegas headliner like Terry from last year!
Oh well, so much for wishing on a "Star". Good luck to all the runners up, in my opinion you are ALL better than the winner! Go for it!
Lucy | Oct 1, 2008 9:20:25 PM | #Next year I will audition and perform plastic surgery on Sharon Osbourne. I have to be better than the last guy who did it.
Dr. Botox | Oct 1, 2008 9:20:53 PM | #Neal's small town of Sikeston is sooooo proud of him, We appreciated the other acts and thought they were all wonderful, and never expected him to win against NBS or Queen Emily, but miracles do happen, and we couldn't be prouder!!!
Carole | Oct 1, 2008 9:29:43 PM | #Neal Boyd’s winning video for America’s Got Talent!!
the full interview with Neil E Boyd immediately after the victory
watch as it was to see his interview here: http://tubedirects.net/index.php?q=Neil-E-Boyd-interview
Well done!
Were any of you waiting for Neal to be voted off, so he could cry and we could all smile? Because I found myself waiting for that...
R | Oct 1, 2008 10:13:16 PM | #I got one word for you, "Braswell"
Simon | Oct 1, 2008 10:38:38 PM | #Braswell is the man!!! that dude gets much respect!!!!!!!!!
Braswell Rules!!!!!!!!!!!1 | Oct 1, 2008 10:41:31 PM | #Neal is a good singer, but winning over Eli and Nuttinbutstrings??? I guess all the crying helped him get the sympathy votes. The tone of his voice bores me. I wanted Eli to win, but had no problems if NBS had taken the prize. Oh well, at least Eli can get signed right away instead of being trapped in vegas for a year.
Hasido | Oct 1, 2008 11:23:20 PM | #I'm ticked that Eli and NBS lost, but to be fair, Neal always was in my personal top three. So while the winner was not what I wanted, the top three was perfect.
TJ | Oct 1, 2008 11:43:59 PM | #Saw and heard nothing from NBS that made me want to see their act.
Not only Neal cried a lot. There were rivers of tears from Queen Emily, from the beginning.
Neal's advisors should help him lose a lot of weight; otherwise, he'll need all that money for hospital visits.
I wouldn't mind if Braswell had upset the field. I could see him having a career in musical theatre.
I agree that the runnerup has little to no charisma!
Al M | Oct 2, 2008 12:38:19 AM | #America's Got Talent...more like America's Got NO TASTE! I can't believe I wasted a whole summer watching this show just to have the fat crying dude win. What's wrong with people, that guy stinks! NBS or Eli should have won, they actually have talent. Oh well, I've learned my lesson. No more American's Got Talent for me.
Thankfully I turned the TV on with 5 minutes left and saw the big fat ball of blubber crying his little eyes out. So at least I didn't waste an hour watching the show last night.
Brianne | Oct 2, 2008 3:39:00 AM | #
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