'The Hills': Tracks of my black tears
When we left The Hills last night (or today, as the case may be), Holly moved in with Heidi and Spencer and Spencer was a big ol' jerk about, well, everything, Audrina was on the outs with both Lo and now Lauren, and Brody and Doug were in jail in Las Vegas. Will they have to stage a break-out? I certainly hope so.
We join our intrepid Vegas travelers with Lo, Lauren and Steph trying to figure out where the boys are. Connie Francis does not kick up in the background, which is too bad. Just then the boys walk in and the guys say they were walking through the casino and got in a fight, so they were in Casino Jail for 5 hours. They say it was totally worth it because they punched a guy. Wow. As they leave, Lauren snarks, "Idiots." Right on, sister. The group leaves the hotel and wonder where Audrina is. She appears with faux K-Fed and tells Lauren they need to talk when they get home.
Back in Fair Cali, Spencer gets back from his surprise creepy-car-visit with Heidi and HOlly is in the living room. He snots, "Look who's in my office!" That's his OFFICE? What does he DOOOOOOO? Spencer says Heidi would love her even more if she lived down the hall. He says "Heidi and I want you to move out, straight up." Holly gets choked up and storms out. Abusive Boyfriend Crazy Jerk Spencer has finally succeeded in getting Heidi isolated from all her friends and family. Well done, Spence.
At People's Revolution, Lauren and Whitney chat about the trip. Lauren fills Whit in on the Audrina drama, and then they distress some jeans. Well, they don't actually do the distressing on camera, they just talk about distressing them. Riveting.
Audrina and faux K-Fed go out to eat. Seriously, he is kind of gross. Ugh. He also says that Audrina doesn't need all that ulcery-feeling stress in her life. He sounds like a big ol' stoner. "You just don't need that headache, man. That drama, man." Audrina says she needs to talk to Lauren because they are worth that last shot as friends. That sounds like a positive prognosis. I can honestly say I've never had to give a "friendship" a "last shot." But maybe that's just me.
Back at People's Revolution, Lauren gets a text from Audrina and then both she and Whitney get dragged off by crazy boss Kelly. Whitney will be styling "Ga Ga." Whoever the hell that is. Lauren is assigned as a helper for Whitney, and crazy Kelly says this is Whitney's chance to show her stuff and not to "let her down."
Back at Casa de Jerkoff, Heidi gets home and asks about Holly, who blew off plans with her today. Heidi can't get her on the phone and she is worried. Spencer says, "Maybe she was in a tunnel ." He means no phone service, but mostly just sounds like a complete dumbass. Heidi immediately smells a rat (because she's not stupid. At least not as stupid as Spencer) and Spencer says he mayyyy have said something about moving out. Heidi replies, "Do you ever think about anybody but yourself?"
Let me answer this one, Heidi. NO, HE DOES NOT. NOT EVER. Ugh, I just wanna grab her by her fugly long scarves and SHAKE THE CRAP OUT OF HER.
Lo and Lauren hang out back at the Passive-Aggressive Palace. Lo says that if Audrina wants to move on then that's okay. She advises Lauren to get some closure and let Audrina move on. Lauren is hesitant because she doesn't want to lose another friend. Um, sweetie? Friends aren't about quantity, they are about quality. Audrina may add another notch to your Friend Post, but the quality just isn't there.
That night at the People's Revolution gig, Lauren is still stressing out about Audrina. Lady Gaga (a recording artist whom I've never heard of) has a broken zipper and Whitney and Lauren save the day. They're, like, superheroes or something.
These weird little 45-second scenes at People's Revolution are so random. I don't like my narrative flow being interrupted like that.
Holly comes back to Casa de Jerkoff and says Spencer told her Heidi didn't want her there anymore. Heidi says she should've called her because she didn't say that. Holly doesn't understand why he would say those things and if there's any truth to them. Heidi says it's been hard on their "relationship" (is that what you call it, Heidi?) but that Holly is her BFF and she can stay there as long as she wants to. They hug.
Audrina finally comes to talk to Lauren. Lauren says she is trying SO hard to be friends with someone who doesn't seem to care about her. DING DING DING! Tell her what she's won. Audrina tries to say that Lauren has a bad attitude towards her, which... I dunno, Audrina. Lauren pretty much has Audrina dead-to-rights about who has put forth effort in their friendship.
Audrina tries to say that Lauren doesn't like to do the same stuff she does, but Lauren says she comes to stuff FOR Audrina. She says she goes to shows and is "weirdly bobbing [her] head along with the show," which is hilarious. I kind of love Lauren.
The waterworks start and I notice LC really needs to find some better mascara. I don't wear waterproof and mine still doesn't run down my face when I cry. It's called Almay, sweetcheeks. Lauren tells Audrina she wants to go back to the way it was and Audrina says, "Then let's do it." They hug and Lauren says, "I'm sorry" and Audrina doesn't say it back, she says, "It's okay." That is SO telling. Boooo Audrina.
Next time: it seems to focus on Audrina and faux K-Fed, and Holly/Heidi/Spencer. Great.
"Idiots." Best line of the show!