'The Hills': Las Vegas!

Sorry for the extreme lateness of The Hills recap. They can't go messing with my head, having a new episode on a Sunday night. But as the great Cheech Marin says in Ghostbusters II, "Well... better late than never." When we left our Hills girls (and Spencer), Holly might move to town, Lauren dumped Doug, Whitney was bi-coasting it, and Spencer was still a pratt.

The group embarks for Las Vegas for Frankie's birthday. They take Doug's private jet. Boy, that's rough. The camera editing would have us believe that Stephanie has some serious eyes for Doug. Brody then makes a toast for Steph that "having you here is almost as good as having Spencer here." Wow, touching. That wordsmith should put that crap on a greeting card. Is Hallmark hiring?

In Las Vegas, they find their rooms and some Coldplay-like Vegas song plays in the background. What, no Elvis? Lame. Lo wonders who Lauren is going to makeout with tonight. Lo puts her money on Brody and Steph says Doug. Lo then brings up the toast and all the girls agree that's pretty crappy. Lauren tells Steph to prove him wrong, show him that she's a good person.

Back in Cali, Spencer plays some stupid video game while Heidi informs him Holly is moving out to California and that she can stay with them when she gets there. Spencer throws a big fit, saying he doesn't know what it's going to do to their relationship. Uhh, Spence? I think what's going to be the end of your relationship is you being such an ENORMOUS TOOL 24 hours a damn day. I feel like I need to go rescue Heidi from him.

The Vegas girls go to the boys room and Lauren tells them how Audrina ignored her out at a restaurant the other night. Lo can barely hide her glee. Brody tells Lauren to kick her out of the house. Lauren argues because she doesn't want to lose a friend. The boys tell her just to kick Audrina out. I kind of agree, because so far Lauren is growing on me, and both Lo and Audrina can take a flying leap.  Maybe LC needs an "I choose me" moment.

In Cali, Holly arrives in town and she and Heidi chill in the apartment. Spencer bipolarly high-fives Holly and acts all excited to see her. Heidi and Spencer head out to dinner, with him passive-aggressively commenting on them being 30 minutes late to their reservation. Sigh.

The Venetian in Vegas: Audrina and her boyfriend arrive at their hotel room. Hmm. When did Audrina start dating Kevin Federline? Audrina "spontaneously" explains to faux K-Fed about her "snubbing" of Lauren the other night and how it was a misunderstanding. Hmm. I think I side with LC on this one.

At dinner, everybody wonders where Audrina is but Brody doesn't care. Stephanie confronts Brody about telling Lauren not to trust Steph. He says he's known her a long time and he knows how crazy she is. Steph says that was when she had a drug problem. Yeah, that'll do it, Steph. Brody cannot believe Steph brought this up at the dinner table at a birthday celebration. I do think that's true, actually.  There's a time and a place, Steph. He calls her crazy a couple times and she gets really uspet. I don't know that I'd call a crazy girl "crazy" when there are salad forks within reach, Brody. Steph and Lauren go off to the bathroom so Steph can cry.  Ya know what?  It's her own damn fault for bringing it up.

Back in the hotel room, Stephanie can't believe he would make her cry. Hmm. Again, he may have been harsh, but why did you bring it up THEN? Lauren gives some good advice by telling her not to waste her time crying over him, that Steph DID have a drug problem, but she got clean and fixed herself up and she's doing great now. Look at LC, bein' all sage. A cool song kicks up in the background and a big hug to the first commenter to tell me the name and artist.

LAX Nightclub: the crew meet up with Audrina and faux K-Fed. Brody seems glad to see faux K-Fed and Audrina says hi to Lo and Frankie. Audrina tells Frankie the tension is escalting and Frankie wisely suggests they talk about BEFORE getting mad and that Audrina just apologize to Lauren. Crazy, that level-headed Frankie.

Stephanie and Lauren arrive and Frankie tells Lauren she and Audrina have to talk, but not tonight, tomorrow. Audrina and faux K-Fed slink off and faux K-Fed tells her not to care. I don't know why she ran off, but she says it's "draining" to... what?  Be around Lauren? I'm so confused, but I think Audrina is CRA-ZAY. They say bye to Frankie and leave.

Back in Sunshine, Spencer calls Heidi at work. He is sitting outside in his car and demands she come out. WTF? She runs down to him and he bitches about Holly being in her pajamas and that she erased 3 of his shows on the TIVO. Heidi is rightly outraged that he called her down there DURING WORK for TIVO problems. I think my brain might be dribbling out my nose. DOES SPENCER HAVE A JOB? WHY IS HE SUCH A WHINY BITCH? There is literally NO ONE on the planet who needs to be punched in the face more than Spencer Pratt. Heidi makes him promise not to say anything to Holly, which of course means that's what he's going home to do. Is there a place where I can order a "Save Heidi" t-shirt?  Seriously.

Steph and Lauren pack for the trip home and Steph tells her she needs to figure things out with Audrina. Frankie comes by and tells them Brody and Doug are in jail. RUH ROH! Also: snicker. What will happen next?  Find out... later today.

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