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'The Secret Life of the American Teenager': If at first you don't seduce...
Poor Amy. She's 15, she's pregnant, she's dating the world's biggest doofus, her dad's a cheating scumbag, her friends are morons, and now her only escape route has been cut off. On the plus side, she has what might be the cutest sweater dress ever, thanks to her mom's awesome taste in junior high. (Ducks, people. Ducks! I want that dress.) So, you know, it's not all bad on The Secret Life of the American Teenager. (Not-so-cute spoilers ahead...)
Amy's grandma, "Mimsy," is finally in town, and she's...proud of Amy? Intriguing. She's also totally unaware that George and Molly are separated, which makes for an awkward conversation when Ashley passive-aggressively insists that he'll be back from his "business trip" that night. Back from the furniture store where he's been sleeping, as we discover. However, Molly asks George to steer clear until Mimsy and Amy are gone, which pisses him off and causes him to seek support from the one stereotype this show has been missing--the wise, non-threatening gay man. One of his employees, in this case.
Mimsy jumps right in, declaring that adoption isn't an option and going behind Molly's back to convince Amy of it. She's also very supportive of Amy and Ben getting married. The baby can just sleep in the knife drawer, and eventually upgrade to the dresser. Perfect! Mimsy, it turns out, has been secretly suffering from Alzheimer's and is moving to an assisted care complex. Oof. Amy finds herself with no place to go, and I find myself wondering if anyone's luck is this bad. At least she has Ben though, right?
Well, Ben is suffering from what I'm hoping is a psychotic break, but what is more likely a case of the lovesick clichés. He finds himself, for example, constantly daydreaming about Amy disappearing. Literally. Because why have subtext when you can have supertext? Man, how much more interesting would this show be if Amy were all in his imagination? Think about it. I'd totally watch that show.
Moving on to the plots no one cares about, Adrian dumps Ricky when he insists upon being involved in the baby's life. Though it seems petty for a moment, her reasoning immediately becomes clear when Ricky turns around and blatantly uses the baby, as well as the argument that she deserves better than Jack, to try and get into Grace's pants. (Well, her house--but I think we all know where he's eventually headed.) Again misunderstanding (or willfully ignoring) Ricky's intentions, Grace has her brother talk to Ricky about adoption, since his mom died and Grace's parents adopted him. Ricky then drops some crazy bomb about how if Grace knew who his parents were, she'd be scared to be in a room with him. Oh, MAN. If they were baby-sacrificing Satanists, I take back everything negative I ever said about this show.
We delve into even more ridiculous territory as Ricky tries to get Amy's cell number from her dumbass friends, who fight over which one of them he's trying to seduce more in exchange for said number. Sigh. He plays them against each other, they fight over who can get a boyfriend first, I get horrifyingly bored, etc., etc. And then, totally out of left field, Lauren's brother ends up asking Madison out. What?? This show has too many (obnoxious and pointless) characters.
In what could end up being an interesting storyline, Adrian is in search of her father. Seems she has no idea who he is, and her mother never even told Adrian his name. She enlists the school counselor's help, but when seduction doesn't work she convinces Jack to help her break into the counselor's office to find her birth certificate, promising to help get him back together with Grace. Of course, they get busted, and of course, the counselor was going to help her anyway. I'm intrigued to see where they go with this one.
Finally, Ben's friends Henry and Alice actually have something mildly amusing to do this week. During some typical teenage sex talk, Alice implies that she masturbates from time to time. Henry immediately freaks out and gets really jealous. Of her hand. And possibly imaginary partners. Boys. So silly. Turns out, however, that said imaginary partners are him! Um, how...romantic?
Does anyone feel let down at the lack of promised sex and scandal? More importantly, can anyone explain to me why so many people watch this show?
People watch this show for two reasons: one, it appeals to the specific age group for whom the show was designed (that is, folks aged 12-35, who are the show's main viewers); and second, because those who are not in that age group either have nothing else to watch, really like Molly Ringwald, or they are pervs seriously hoping to see the abovementioned "sex and scandal." I can kinda see that, as the girl playing Amy is rather cute. Also, it's summer. During the regular season, the ratings for this show would be lower than a worm's belly button.
Anybody who writes to tell me that "worms dont hav bellee butons, duh!" will get twenty lashes with my velvet cat o'nine tails. Unless you like that sort of thing, in which case, you'll get none. :P (That was sarcasm, by the way, in case somebody doesn't recognize it)
Dark Disciple | Aug 19, 2008 7:37:35 PM | #I think the guidance counselor is adrians dad............
KJ | Aug 19, 2008 10:45:15 PM | #he can't be her dad, because she saw the name on the birth certificate already and would have immediately known
Bella | Aug 19, 2008 11:46:49 PM | #Adrian's Dad has got to be Bo Duke (John Schneider). Grace and Adrian are half sisters!
So Ashamed I watch this... | Aug 20, 2008 7:20:09 AM | #Don't feel bad about watching the show -- it's definitely this summer's guilty pleasure! ;-) There really isn't much else to watch unless you want to see reality shows or game shows.
I know that a lot of other viewers like Adrian's character, but I have to say that I still can't stand herso far. I think the actress is doing a good job with the material given to her (I even remember her acting being decent in that horrible "Cutting Edge" sequel!), but why does she HAVE to do everything the hard way? She told Mr. Molina that she wants to find out her biological father's name (after 16 years of not knowing!), so he tells her she should ask her mother. Oh, no! Heaven forbid that Adrian should be honest with her mother. She can't ask her mother directly because that would be too easy and wouldn't involve wacky hijinx!(**SARCASM**).
Instead, Adrian would rather try to seduce her guidance counselor and Jack into helping her VIOLATE THE SCHOOL'S RULES by looking at her birth certificate (where Mr. Molina busted her and could have suspended her for breaking and entering). I may be nitpicking, but didn't Adrian need a copy of her birth certificate in order to obtain her driver's permit and/ or driver's license? So why didn't she bring up the issue of her paternity back then? I think Adrian and her mom should be booked as guests on The Maury Povich Show on a "Who's the Daddy/ DNA results" episode! :-)
I never really believed that Amy would be moving away with her grandmother because the whole premise of the show is how she is supposed to deal with all of her friends and classmates knowing nad judging her about the pregnancy. Amy's father should try to help out more, but that's hard to do when he's too cheap to stay at a hotel and ends up sleeping on the floor display!
I laughed when Ben and Henry were trying to guess who Alice was fantasizing about...Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and Justin Timberlake? I think the show's writers were thinking way too old for Alice (she's 16 on the show). :-( At least the writers could have suggested Orlando Bloom or the Jonas Brothers or something!
Lauren and Madison fighting over Ricky was stupid, but I did notice in an earlier episode that Lauren's older brother had a crush on Madison (so it didn't seem so out of the blue to me). I continue to like the sarcastic comments from Grace's brother and Amy's sister. Again, I have to say that Jack's character is dull, boring and pointless. I wish they would just write Jack off the show by saying he received a football scholarship from another school far, far away!
I love your reviews this show really is terrible. I thihk it's the 7th Heaven syndrome people will watch for years and years to come and the acting won't get any better and the stars will not move on to have real careers...Jessicia Biel's body not withstanding...
Luz | Aug 20, 2008 10:14:42 AM | #It bothers me that this show is taking off and Middleman is probably going to get whacked, even though Middleman is a much better show. Alas. The tragedy of the commons strikes again.
Outlander | Aug 20, 2008 3:10:57 PM | #I think Ben is adorable! Not a Doofus at all.
Liked the whole "Henry and Alice" thing. Gave them something to do.
I agree. Jack needs to be gone. He's boring and dull and no one cares about him.
I thought the scene in the store with Amy's dad was funny-ish.
Anyone remember the show "Life Goes On"? :) I liked that show. I miss it.
Ashley | Aug 20, 2008 4:09:19 PM | #I think it is going to turn out that Adrian is Amy's sister.
sassigal | Aug 21, 2008 12:55:23 PM | #kj: EEEWWWWWW she'd be hitting on her pappy
vicious circle | Aug 24, 2008 11:28:27 AM | #Middleman sucks it's the most pointless show on abc and nobody watches it execpt for stupid dorks secret life is much better and i hope middleman gets kicked off i can't stand that show wasting peoples tv time
naomi | Aug 25, 2008 10:11:47 AM | #Well, at least the "stupid dorks" who watch The Middleman can spell, use proper grammar and know where and how to put in punctuation marks. I'll be sure to give them your name and phone number when they're ruling the planet, and you're flipping burgers at Burger King whilst supporting your five kids by four different fathers, k? :P
Revenant | Aug 25, 2008 12:24:40 PM | #your all dumb
she meets her father he has a family and he never wanted to see her again if you watchd this weeks episode or have talked to the cast to see what next season is going to be all about..lucky me :) surprise ruined
I love this show so much drama. when is it gonna come on again? right?
amber | Dec 3, 2008 4:55:14 PM | #i think Bens is a dufos and ricky is hott.i think amy should forgive him and let him be apart of the babys life and maybe altough hes a man whore they should get married not her and ben.
RickyLover | Jan 4, 2009 5:28:34 PM | #
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