'Burn Notice' and the perils of micromanagement

Burn Notice is apparently a tribute to the powers of word-of-mouth advertising. Poor Michael keeps getting tracked down by clients who beg for his help, when all he really wants to do is solve the puzzle of Carla and her mysterious organization. that's lucky for us, because we get to see him definitively solve the problem of control-freak bosses. Also, we learn the one sure way to win an argument with Michael, find out something surprising about Sam, and see how none of our antiheroes could ever make a living as relationship counselors.

This spoiler made some lousy decisions in the 70s.

This week's client is Trevor, an ex-con "expediter of getaways" who wants to stay straight, but is being pulled back in by a former boss who threatens to kill his family if he doesn't cooperate. Michael is unmoved until Trevor reveals he made a promise to his baby boy to give up his life of crime. Since that is Michael's official Achilles heel, he agrees to help.

The bad guy, Timo, is a bank robber who likes to put together the perfect team and then treat them like he's a particularly nasty Victorian-era British nursemaid -- no talking, no asking questions, do exactly as you're told and then go back to your corner and eat your gruel. He may not be cuddly, but he's damn successful. Since he's such a control freak, Michael thinks it will be easy to get Trevor out of the situation -- he just needs to take out one of Timo's regular players in a way that can't be traced back to Trevor. The best candidate is Gilbert, the safecracker -- he's had a couple of DUIs, so if he's caught drinking and driving, he's violating parole and goes to jail. But Gilbert seems to be immune to Fi's wiles, so Sam has to put his manly chin on the line and get beaten up until the nearby cops notice the fracas. This takes some time.

Alas, apparently the score is too big for Timo to give up on, so it's time for Plan B -- Michael comes on board as a substitute safecracker. Poor Trevor nearly loses bowel control when Michael has to do an on-the-job interview -- if he fails, Trevor is toast. Fortunately, Michael pulls it off. But even though he's on the team, control-boy won't tell him any details about the heist, so Michael can't take any steps to prevent it.

Michael finds the target, but the con-artist team member is the inside man, so he can't just waltz in and warn the store. Then Timo puts the heist in motion, and Michael scrambles to get Sam and Fi to help out. He engineers it so Sam sets off the alarm from an outside junction box while everyone is still in the jewelry store. Timo scuttles the mission and sends everyone off to the cars Trevor seeded the area with. But Sam let the air out of Timo's tires, so he can't make it back to the rendezvous point with the rest of the team. Michael tells everyone else that he got the jewels and gave them to Timo. Then Fi sets off a bomb in the hideout, because.. well, for one thing, Fi likes blowing things up. Also, it makes it look like Timo set it up to try to kill everyone. This makes Kandi, the muscle of the group, somewhat peevish. She tracks Timo down and, when he refuses to share the jewels (because they were never stolen), she kills him. She looks pretty happy about it, too. Trevor is off the hook, Michael has done another good deed, and a father will actually be there for his son. Yay.

The Quest for Carla
Unfortunately, the do-gooding gets in the way of Michael's primary objective: Figuring out Carla. The surveillance he and Fi were doing on Carla's mail box finally pays off and leads Michael to her office. But she's got impressive, if stealthy, security, and he needs to get past that. He comes damn close, but just when he's about to enter, Timo calls him in for the heist. When Michael makes a second pass, he successfully gets into the office -- only to find everything gone. Well, not quite everything: There's a digital photo frame with footage of Michael making his first approach, plus a few other lovely parting gifts. We'll let Michael describe the ramifications of this: "When you work in intelligence, there's no bigger slap in the face than a picture of yourself in the middle of an operation. It sends a clear message: We're one step ahead of you, we're in control, we own you. Mylar balloons and a bottle of champagne -- that's just twisting the knife." Plus there's another puzzle waiting for him. Carla's got another job for him to do!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• First, some business: Many thanks to Andy and Brandon for taking over while I was on my top-secret overseas mission. In the world of recappers, they're on the same level as bank robbers. In a good, rock-star way, not in a shoot-in-the-face way. Salmon jerky is on its way, guys! (Boy, salmon jerky sounds obscene, doesn't it?)
• Did anyone else get a flash of The Pirates of Penzance when Trevor pulled the "I want to be a good dad!" card? The Pirates are all orphans, and so they won't harm anyone other orphan. But it gets out and, as Frederic explains, "The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans!" I know there's probably plenty of family dysfunction in the greater Miami-Dade County area, but does everyone with a problem has some sort of family issue at the heart of it?
• I loved that Gilbert assumed Fi was a prostitute when she started chatting him up -- it would have stretched the bounds of credulity if he's though "Why yes, it is perfectly rational for a hot, apparently rich chick to be hitting on me out of nowhere."
• I loved it even more when Fi took her time alerting the cops to Sam's predicament. The two are such squabbling siblings!
• Speaking of Sam's predicaments -- Veronica asks Sam to marry him, and he has no response. Michael is no help, and he finally tells Fi what the problem is -- he got married in the 70's, and he never got around to getting a divorce. that's some oversight, Sam! Fi recommends that he just tell Veronica the truth. That doesn't go over so well...
• I continue to completely adore Carla -- the balloons and champagne thing was fabulous.
• I loved hearing the hierarchy of criminality. Plus, Michael pulled off the diva artist attitude quite well, don't you think?
• Sam shows off his new watch, then informs Michael it's called a timepiece. Apparently, when it costs more than four figures (before the decimal point), it gets extra syllables.
• Who played Kandi? It's been driving me nuts! I loved her -- even though she was only on screen for about two minutes. Something about her satisfied, sing-song "three" before she shot Timo made me happy. And like Sam, I'd love to see what happened if she and Fi got together.
  

Michael's spy bits

• Tailing a trained operative is a pain in the butt, entailing prep work like getting an unrecognizable, untraceable car, and learning local traffic patterns. Doing surveillance with Fi is even worse.
• Covert security is designed to blend in, and is best drawn out by dicking around a delivery boy.
• "Criminal hideouts tend to be pretty non-descript. Underground caves and spooky old mansions are dramatic, but a boathouse in the Keys is easier to find." Dammit! I had my dormant volcano all picked out!
• You can't stop a door alarm from going off, but you can explain it -- scatter cigarette butts outside the door and folks will assume it was just someone sneaking a smoke break.
• A webcam and a signal booster are ideal for 24-7 surveillance (plus, they don't entail a petulant Fi throwing peanut shells out the window.)
• When pressed for time, use dental putty to fasten your surveillance equipment to a wall -- it's easy to mix, easy to apply, hardens really fast and keeps your equipment securely fixed.
• Making yourself invisible is "often just a matter of quick thinking, fast feet and strong fingers." Yeouch.
• Safecrackers have incredibly cool toys.
• Fi's addendum: The last number of a combination lock is always the same: C-4. 

E-mail

• Digg
• Facebook
• Fark
• Yahoo Buzz
• Stumbleupon