'Burn Notice': The One With The Bad Investment

Most people are too smart for a straight-up con, but as we find out on tonight's Burn Notice, not everyone in the world is blessed with enough common sense to survive the slick middlemen they happen upon. Then again, didn't Darwin pretty much cover this material long ago anyway?

Don't be conned by these Spoilers... you're much smarter than that!

We open to find Michael and Sam stopping by the Pakistani Consulate to see if they might have any dirt on the lovely Carla, what with the Arabic-with-a-Kurdish twist dialogue she had last week. This would be standard operating procedure, except that many agents (current or former) would rather murder their own families than appear before foreign nationals.

Michael plays the role of "pissed off journalist" to ensure a meeting with an official while Sam provides a most excellent diversion as the "pissed off American." Michael's in and out with the files you need before they even know what hit them.

Once home, Michael finds Fiona trapped playing cards with his mother and her friends. When Michael lets slip that he and Fi are no longer an item, Madeline wants to know why. He quickly changes the subject, but to make matters worse for him, it appears Fi finds the opportunity to negotiate gainful employment for him by getting a guy out of his deal with a loan shark. It's quite the deal our poor client Andy has... investing in a new club in Cuba, taking the responsibility when Zeke the business partner is "taken in" by the Feds, all while trying to help Mama Diane with medical bills.

I mean come on, who could resist this hard-luck case?

The feisty duo hit the club and run into Zeke with a blonde in tow. Turns out our Zeke, played masterfully by Patrick Fabian (Professor Landry on Veronica Mars), is quite the ladies man. Fi plays up her British accent while spilling her martini on him, thereby giving her the opportunity to clean up in his private washroom. Also to call said washroom a "loo." Hee! Her efforts are thwarted when she goes to pick the lock to the office, only to find it can be accessed solely by keycard.

Meanwhile Michael finds Waseem the Pakistani spy. He knows Michael stole the documents, but in the end refuses to trade any info on Carla as it would be quite the unfair exchange.

Later the next day, Michael gets a call from Diane. Turns out that Baranski, the loan shark with the bad accent, wants his money now and will beat it out of Andy if he has to. Michael arrives in the nick of time, but is now also responsible for the $200,000 loan plus the $30,000 vig.

Glad I watched Get Shorty way back when and knew what a vig was.

Michael then pays Waseem another visit. He playfully asks for another chance at a trade, but when he's turned down a second time, Michael hands over the documents to Waseem... under the photographic eye of Sam, of course.

While getting ready to go back to the club, Michael is once again confronted by his mother as to why he's not still in a relationship. When he refuses to answer yet again, Madeline simply threatens to go to Fi for the full story.

Back at the club, Michael turns up his Texas drawl and plays the son of a rich oil tycoon. In the private room, as the back story is being played up and Zeke launches into the con, Fi comes in a gets all up in Zeke's business while swiping the keycard. Michael excuses himself to break in the office, and what he finds is that the safe he was going to break is already open and full of funny money. He quickly wires a cell phone to become an impromptu bug and scoots out of the office before other investors of Zeke's barge in.

Michael breaks the news to Andy that he got played in so many ways. Andy, of course, is literally angry with rage! The plan is to get Zeke's money before Zeke gets their money... a plan everyone initially gets, except for Andy. How Andy is smart enough to sell cell phones is beyond me.

Sam brilliantly plays the straight man to Michael's over-the-top spoiled rich kid. Hook, line and sinker, Zeke's going down. As executor, Sam makes demands that Zeke normally wouldn't go for. Sensing that he's about to let a big financial deal walk out the door, Zeke relents and is willing to put up money when he never had before.

Fiona believes to be on time for poker with the Golden Girls, but Madeline's called her over to find out why her son is single. Simply put, Fi doesn't want to be the second most important anything to anyone. Madeline can most definitely sympathize there.

The kids once again listen to bugged conversations. With time running out, Michael calls Baranski and asks for more time. Baranski agrees, then volunteers that he's holding Andy's mom until every last penny is paid.

Michael turns to "Bad Check" Barry for a way to make $200,000 appear out of nowhere, if only for a short time. Once at Casa de Zeke, he calls in the account number and waits for the money to roll in. After the money is safe, Zeke gets on the horn to have the "agents" swarm the house, but before they do, they're rounded up themselves.

Staged gunfire and one car explosion later, Zeke's on the ropes and out mondo amounts of cash to non-existent bodyguards of Michael's alter ego. To make matters worse, his partners turn up not dead back at the club AND the original 200 grand is gone from the Grand Cayman bank account.

Back at the homestead, Michael pays Baranski the loan and vig, all while throwing in a lifetime subscription to Cat Fancy. Who says he doesn't have a lighter side?

Michael tries once more with Waseem for information, hoping the threat of relocation from South Beach would be more than enough to force his hand. In the end, Waseem pulls strings, calls in favors and scored the dossier Michael so desperately covets. He's one step closer to finding out who Carla is, but that's for another time.

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