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Premierewatch: 'Farmer Wants a Wife'
Get ready for sexually stilted farm comments, citified observations, cheesy elimination ceremonies and lots of tanned shirtlessness. The Bachelor goes bucolic with the premiere of Farmer Wants a Wife.
There's a bumper crop of spoilers over yonder.
We first meet Matt, an evenly tanned 29-year-old who pensively shucks corn and is a decent catch by most standards. Not only is he educated, respectful and owns land, but he's not half bad in the looks department. Oh sure, his ears stick out, but who's looking at ears when we can do laundry on those washboard abs?
The local women in Portage Des Sioux (pop. 351) aren't available: They either married their high school sweethearts or left town. Frankly, I don't like people getting all up in my business, so I'd definitely be in the latter category. Oh and by the way, I learned that his state is "Meh ZOO ruh" not "Meh ZOO ree." See, already The CW has expanded my mind.
The ten women are actually more attractive on the show than they appeared in Zap2it's Farmer Wants a Wife photogallery -- except for Josie. They uniformly whine about the same thing: city men are shady and not ready to settle.
Some first impressions:
Ashley - In the spirit of sisterhood I'd like to sympathize since she's been cheated on by every guy she's dated, but frankly, after that many men, she needs to just get better judgment. Has she ever dated a nice guy, or is she only drawn to the bad boys?
Amanda - Looks eerily like Carla Gugino.
Brooke - Along with Lisa, she's one of the requisite virgins. Dunno if this is a help or hindrance, but her starry-eyed crush is embarrassing.
Josie - She's delusional in so many ways, especially when she considers herself a 10-plus. What does being confident have to do with being Republican? And why does she think a farmer's wife goes to polo matches? She is the show's obvious villainess.
The girls arrive by plane to be greeted by a schoolbus (yeah, no pimped-out Hummer limo for them). They're visibly taken aback by the averageness of the driver, Jason, who assures them "I am not the farmer." Whew! We wouldn't want them to embarrass themselves by having to reveal their shallowness so soon. When they finally catch sight of Matt, who arrives on his steed -- a tractor -- without a shirt, they're much more appreciative and do their best construction worker impressions.
Next, they meet Matt's mom Janet. It's a smart move because she's a self-professed city gal who married a farmer for love. The difference is that she didn't get a reality show tracking her romantic exploits with nine other women. Wait, that didn't come out right. Anyway, after a quick tour of the home they're invading, we find even more reasons to hate Josie. Not only does she think it's too old, but she is horrified that there are no maids and demands to know if they have a flushing toilet.
We kind of see where this is going when Stephanie is concerned that "flower or flannel print" furniture is not her style. Uhh, that's the least of your worries, dear. Her city ways gets further highlighted when she steps in a cow patty with her high heels and is frightened of chickens because they'll peck her eyes out. Much sqealing and wringing of hands occurs. Props to her for actually catching four chickens in the coop challenge, but in the end it was Kanisha who won immunity in a tie-breaker round. Oh, and Josie had zero since she doesn't think running after chickens is ladylike. "I have the best legs here, so it doesn't matter," she observes.
Fast-forward through a hayride in which we learn more about the girls, Matt's penchant for going commando and the beginnings of a Josie-Kanisha clash.
This is possibly one of the best elimination ceremony shticks ever -- or at least since Joe Schmo's pearl necklace ceremony. The girls approach podiums with chicken coops on them and must feel around in the straw under their chicken for an egg. The egg is safety. The egg is love. The egg is life. Stephanie is egg-less. It's really no surprise. I mean, the chickens would have hunted her down at some point. Better to end it this way.
What surprises the other girls, however, is that Josie's safe. Matt explains his decision because she brings out stuff in the other girls. Okay, granted, but when he calls her "intelligent," I seriously question his intelligence. You know Josie was only cast for drama value because there is no way she will happily stay with this farmer given her weird standards. God forbid she sleeps with a guy who only makes $60 K. You know, people who always harp on "class" are generally the least classy ones.
It's just astounding that she keeps referring to herself as a 5'10" "beauty." By what standard? Her parents must have done an excellent job instilling that level of delusional confidence in her. What's more baffling is that apparently she has enjoyed relationships with financially well-off men. Well, money can't buy you taste.
Ah, but there's more to the episode after the elimination. Matt chooses Christa (not to be confused with Krista) to spend time on what amounts to a porch swing under a canopy. I don't think she's necessarily a match for Matt, but I'm a Christa fan. Not only was she the only one to wear sneakers instead of high heels off the plane, but she's also a smart-mouthed "Drinky Drinkerton" and uttered my favorite lines in the episode:
"I didn't think people actually woke up to roosters and not alarm clocks. Like, it's for real. Roosters are real."
Afterwards, he and Christa share a few chaste pecks, and a good time was had by all, even the girls (Brooke, Lisa and Amanda) that TP'd his truck.
How soon do you think he'll go into Bachelor mode and start making out hot and heavy with all the girls? Is Matt worth the effort? Do you hate Josie? Who are you rooting for? Bingo anybody?
first i have to say i was praying there would be a blog for this show , so thanx for reccaping.
i more than hate Josie and she is just here for one thing: the drama .Cause she really is not there for a farmer! desilusional and crazy that is what she is.
yes it is a bachelor type show but i think putting them in the reality of where they are going to stay shouldput them in context and help the fakers run the hell out of th show.until then i will be praying for Josie to be send home quickly, very quickly.
Matt seems lacking a personality, he seems like a nice guy but very simple, not the kind qho actually talks a lot or will start a discusiion. his question to
Chista seemed more like an interview to me than an actual show of interest.hopefully he will get more interesting cause abs can't hold u in a place like that for long!!!i am rooting for kanisha and i like christa's personality...
Maybe Josie means 10 plus as in her dress size?
HEH! I didn't watch the show, but I like your recap!
hksjjm | May 1, 2008 6:42:47 AM | #More Josie! More Josie!
Without her, what do we have?
Eric | May 1, 2008 6:43:56 AM | #Thank you so much for recaping this show. I was afraid I was the only one watching it! It's good ole cheesy reality and I loved it!!!
Lisa | May 1, 2008 6:45:19 AM | #eric-
Without Josie we have something closer to real life (personality range).Being that 10 girls for 1 man is already unreal , i do not think adding surreal personalities will make it more entertaining!!spicy but not entertaining.trust me girls coming from different background are way enough to make a house explode...but that is just my way to see this and i totally respect ur idea of good reality tv.
ciao
p.s: i think they paid her extra to act like that don't u?
la_mant00 | May 1, 2008 7:27:21 AM | #I think it's funny this farm is portrayed WAY out in the country and they flew into the little county airport in St. Charles County - it is less than 30 minutes NW of St. Louis airport - about 45 minutes from downtown STL. Oh and by the way - it is Miss-ur-ree - only the reddest of the Red Staters say Miss-ur-rah (or politicians trying to get their votes!). This guy is just a few miles outside of the 'burbs.
Mimi | May 1, 2008 10:57:12 AM | #I loved the show. I live in Portage Des Sioux and its really fun to see how they make the grass seem so green, the skies seam so blue. PDS IS really is a great small town. We are only 25 minutes from the nearest Target, we have public water and our toilets flush with one push! The school district is great to boot.
Angie | May 1, 2008 1:00:55 PM | #Mimi
My husband and I laughed when I saw them flying the girls form Lambert to the airport out here.
I am confident Josie was HIRED to play the role of the bad girl.
I watched this piece of manure because it happened to be on after ANTM and I was still smarting from Kat's dismissal. Of course, I could have changed the channel but why bother? Surely no other network was airing a train wreck of this magnitude. If this is the best the CW can do, they might as well fold up their tent.
I watched a local interview with the farmer here in Los Angeles where he babbles on and on about his deep religious convictions. He "prayed" on the offer to appear on a "reality" series, knowing how most of them collide with his values. Well, given that most Bible thumpers posess an uncanny ability to rationalize even their most unseemly actions, the farmer somehow reconciled his religious views with his hunger for fame...I mean... desire to find a wife.
I know "reality" series are anything but. Still, most at least try to hide their paid ringers and producer backed plants. Not so here, as the repellant Josie is plunked down front and center. She exists solely for the benefit of the CW promo department. You know, the contestant who keeps dodging elimination because the producers reserve the right to trump the opinions of the judge or judges. Even the farmer's pathetic excuse for keeping her made no sense.
Ah Josie! An ignorant, bloated, self-proclaimed Republican from that bastion of warped values and nuveau riche dimentia otherwise known as Orange County. I loved how she equated being a Bush-lovin' Republican with being a "winner." Umm, sweetie, have you read a headline in the past three years? I'm not sure if was her overfed face, bruised porcine legs or the verbal diarrhea spewing forth from her maw with reckless abandon, but "winner" is the last word I'd use to describe this piece of human waste.
Thanks, CW, for another insult to my intelligence. This is one city boy will not darken the doorstep of this farm load of freaks ever again.
Ron H. | May 1, 2008 4:00:50 PM | #Ron H- Who held the gun to your head and made you watch The ENTIRE episode? It is obvious that FWAW was amusing to some extent for you to keep watching and then waste more your time to comment here. I don't think admitting you watch ANTM does much for your dignity or intelligence.
Angie | May 1, 2008 4:25:07 PM | #I agree, why would Ron H. write such a long comment about the "piece of manure?" If I disliked a show, I would not first of all, keep watching and then google it the next day just to make a long comment. I've been to PDS, and it does feel like you are in no man's land. I couldn't handle living there, but it is a cute little town. I am excited to watch the next episodes!
anonymous | May 5, 2008 9:19:04 AM | #MORE JOSIE!! I think Josie should get her own spin off. If she gets off the show no one will watch anymore.
Shari | May 5, 2008 12:00:41 PM | #Anyone else read into the body language when he was on the date with Christa? He was way over on the other side of the swing, hands crossed. Not a good sign for her!
I'm pulling for Brooke and the other virgin. Amanda seems nice too but she's still a student, kinda young.
Now don't get me wrong, Matt is handsome but someone please hand that guy some sunblock! His skin will be leather before he's 30!
Emily | May 9, 2008 11:39:20 PM | #im cheering for amanda, definitely. I think she has the most chemistry with Matt, but I do like Christa. Not sure if i like her for Matt, though.
allie | Jun 5, 2008 4:34:15 PM | #I am cheering for Amanda too. There is a lot more to her than meets the eye! I also think she has the most chemistry with Matt - the one thing I worry about is that she'll have to give up her broad way career. Maybe theyll get engaged but wait a few years to get married? Any how i hope it works out.
Jennifer | Jun 15, 2008 3:29:36 AM | #who won this show?Write back.
christina | Jul 16, 2008 4:44:54 PM | #who won this show?Write back.
christina | Jul 16, 2008 4:44:54 PM | #test
test | Feb 3, 2009 2:37:31 AM | #< /test >
test | Feb 3, 2009 2:37:43 AM | #< /test>
test | Feb 3, 2009 2:38:06 AM | #
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