'Paradise Hotel 2': The return of Zack

This week, Paradise Hotel 2 brings back someone from Paradise Hotel 1. That means there's someone out there willing put himself through this madness again. People make no sense.

We're playing truth or spoiler!

The new -- and final! -- guest in Paradise Hotel is Zack, who has experience with the first show. Despite that, he' come back. He talks about how all his know-how from the first round gives him an edge this time. As he got kicked off the first game twice, I'm dubious about that claim.

But first, the fallout from Tanya's ouster! Myrna is defensive and pissy -- Tanya did it to herself! It's not my fault! Then she goes to bed -- and locks Mike out of the room. What the hell? Later, she interviews that she feared for her safety, but I think she just likes making bitchy power plays. God, I hate that woman.

When Zack arrives. Both teams try the charm offensive. Krista basically glues herself to his side, and Zach and Mike bond over how difficult it is to lose the love of your (month-long, reality-TV) life because of duplicitous scheming. You remind me of me, Zack tells Mike, and maybe I've been brought back here to help you. Zack apparently thinks he's a guardian angel.

Myrna, TD and Stephanie lament that they haven't had a chance to talk to Zack -- the OGs are brown-nosing him, TD says with disgust. This, of course, shuts down her opportunity to brown-nose Zack -- the fiends!

TD, I'm thinking, I moderately delusional -- she decides that Myrna will have the job of seducing Zack to their team, despite the fact that she's a vile harpy who no one could possibly like. This becomes clear when Zack challenges Myrna to come to dinner without dressing up or touching up her makeup-just relax! No way in hell: Myrna has her full face on, flower in her hair, etc. When Zack calls her on it, she heatedly responds that he should be praising her for being able to get ready in only 15 minutes. Yeah, whatever. Let's scratch Myrna off the Zack list, ok?

Things get nasty when everybody joins together for a game of Truth, Dare or Tequila Shot. After enough tequila, Stephanie asks Ryan what the deal is, and he says he likes her as a friend. Yeah, right -- you talk to friends. He likes her as an orifice. Ryan is a bit of an ass.

Then Aaron, who enjoys stirring the pot, challenges Lauren to make out with the guy she's most attracted to. James perks up, but he's not the object of her affection -- Zack is. James is highly pissy about it. When he' challenges to make out with the woman he finds most attractive, he picks Myrna (who, apparently, doesn't reciprocate, being "not that kind of woman.")

After much hemming and hawing and allying and scheming, the OGs think they've got Zack in their camp. But what's this? He's pending a lot of time with Stephanie and TD. Late at night, he comes into Chris and Stephanie's room. I want to ally with you two and TD. Aaron bugs everyone when he's drunk, and Myrna's evil, but the rest of us? We could survive this thing. Are you in? Chris agrees. Is Zack serious, or is he playing them? Time will tell...

Other stuff:

• I can see the guys cheering for their deep-sea fishing trip, but who cheers for waxing? These women are insane.
• Myrna talks about rooming with Mike -- "Whether he hates me, likes me, he has to be my roommate." Except, for that to happen, Myrna, you need to let him into the room.
• Subtlety, thy name is Krista -- she pledges to stealthily feel out what's up with Myrna after the locking-out-Mikey incident, then walks right up and says "What's the deal with locking Mikey out?" Myrna shuts her down -- that's between me and Mike. Then she and Aaron laugh. Boy, I hope those two go soon.

What do you think of the final 11? Are you glad to see Zack, or bewildered that he's back again? Which woman do you hope gets booted next week? Are you excited that an end is finally in sight?

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