'Boston Legal': Seal, it's what's for dinner

I don't know why, but every time a show has returned from its strike-based hiatus it feels like a whole new season has begun. Even a series like Boston Legal, which aired new episodes in 2008, felt like it was beginning anew when it returned tonight. It wasn't a particularly great episode, but at least it was new.

The show began simply enough, with Alan and Jerry waiting not-so-patiently in court for their opposing attorney, Melvin Palmer (the "hoot" guy) to show up. He eventually did, just as Alan was making a motion for the judge to direct a verdict for the plaintiff due to Melvin's absence.

The case centered around Alan's client suing a television production company for the death of his daughter. The daughter appeared on a television show to confront an abusive ex-boyfriend, and the boyfriend proposed marriage. Apparently some time later, after the episode in which he was rebuffed aired, the ex-boyfriend killed the girl. Alan's client blamed the production company because the daughter had told the producers that the boyfriend had a history of violence.

Palmer, who has always managed to get under Alan's skin, actually got Shore to blow up in court during this episode. Throughout the episode, Alan equated Palmer to toy Alan had as a kid, a toy which he stabbed. Thankfully, Alan's outburst in court didn't go quite that far. I don't know what I would do if he were no longer on Boston Legal. We've already lost Julie Bowen and Mark Valley, losing Spader would be just too much for me to deal with.

Alan's closing was a tirade against the depths to which television has sunk and continues to sink. He argued that television has slipped further than Paddy Chayefsky's Network ever imagined it could. While he may be right, and the closing was fun to watch, I'm just not sure that he deserved to win the case. I don't know that the show's producers had any reason to believe that the girl was in danger, the girl's father certainly didn't believe her to be in danger. Alan did, of course, win the case despite my objections.

The other case tonight centered on another old boyfriend of Shirley's, Ethan Melman (played by the almost always funny Stephen Root). He needed Shirley to defend her for shooting and eating a seal. It's something he had done before, and apparently the police haven't taken too kindly to it at any time.

It came out later that Ethan's problems may, at least partially, have been caused by his being bipolar and suffering from post-traumatic stress. Though a Vietnam veteran, he had no insurance and couldn't afford treatment for his conditions. He insisted that his medical issues had nothing to do with his shooting seals, he did that because he needed to eat and that he didn't want Shirley discussing his health in court.

Shirley, however, did in fact bring Ethan's mental stability into question. She got the police officer who arrested Ethan to state that Ethan did not seem mentally stable when he was arrested. Ethan balked at Shirley's tactic before, unhappily, allowing her to proceed. He was happy at the result of the trial though as the judge declared him not guilty. The judge's reasons were less than plausible -- that the debt of gratitude we owe to our servicemen allows them to kill seals, but the show's understanding of the legal system makes such decisions okay, so who am I to question them (this time around).

Denny also appeared tonight, but not in court. He spent the majority of the episode acting like Denny and preparing for a dinner with Shirley. He wanted to use the dinner to restart their romance, and went so far as having a series of tubes rigged just below his eye that would release water and make it appear as though he were crying in order to achieve his goal. Shirley was never going to sleep with him, but it was a thought.

To be fair, Shirley said to him that she wanted to rekindle old friendships, but she did in fact just mean friendships and nothing more. Shirley was not impressed when Denny started crying during their dinner. She was even less amused when his tubes went haywire and started spraying water everywhere. We later saw that Denny was truly hurt that Shirley didn't want to get back together with him. He even cried for real (but Shatner was clearly tearing up from the beginning of the scene rather than building to it and then had to blink repeatedly to actually get one or two tears to roll down his cheek).

All in all, and tell me if you disagree, I thought it was a distinctly mediocre return for the series. Nothing really outstanding happened, it was just business as usual.

Well, okay, I'll give you one great moment and a quote:

• The best moment tonight was, undeniably, Palmer getting Jerry to making popping noises in court on command. It's just too bad that it was in the first scene as the rest of the show could have used equally fun moments. Alan's fear of clowns resurfacing didn't quite cut it.
• Denny on whether or not he ever destroyed any of his toys -- "I shot my flat screen Super Bowl Sunday." Obviously he did, he didn't pay attention to my saying to everyone who would listen that the Giants were going to win the Super Bowl and send New England's dreams of a perfect season down the drain.

Now, I was right about that just like I'm right about the fact that everyone should check out The TV and Film Guy's Reviews. Remember, you heard it here first.

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