'Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part' Finale at last

It took 81 days to winnow the original 16 house guests on Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part down to the final two of Ryan and Adam.  And now it will take another hour to get to what just about everyone feels is a forgone conclusion. Is there anything that can happen at this point that will be unexpected?

Well, we certainly can't expect Robo-Julie to have hired a fashion consultant in the last few days, as her crocheted looking sweater shrug thing over a satin top indicates. The sweater has ruffles around the collar, the hem and the sleeves and I am fairly certain even my grandmother would refuse to have it on her body. Oh, Julie. You do try, don't you? Perhaps the hairspray fumes have irreparably damaged the part of you brain that handled fashion sense?

The show starts off with a montage of the season, which nearly puts me to sleep. Seeing it all strung together like this really brings it home how much a non-event this season really was. They are put into couples, Ryan and Jen are a real couple but paired with others, the couples are broken apart, Matt hated Natalie who was clingy and creepy, a bunch of people cried, Team Christ couldn't get rid of James, Natalie played both sides, but so did everyone in the final 3, the end. Seriously. They try to liven up interest by introducing America's Favorite Juror, who will win $25k.  But that will clearly be James, who may not be the most deserving, but at least was the most entertaining.

We get to see the Jury HGs speculate on who will be the final 2 before Sheila's arrival. They all agree that if Adam or Ryan win HoH, Sheila will be evicted. When someone asks what Sheila would do as HoH, Joshuah laughs and mentions how Sheila couldn't get herself out of a wet paper bag much less win a competition of any sort - which is precisely when she shows up.

The Jury HGs debate on who should win between Adam and Ryan but they don't really seem to get anywhere. Matt says that Adam outsmarted the most people and Natalie immediately begins shouting over everyone to agree with him, so that relationship dynamic hasn't changed a bit. Sheila maintains that Adam was the biggest liar in the house and said one thing to people's face and then screwed them behind their backs, not getting caught in any of it until people found themselves evicted thanks to him. Which is sort of the point of the game, right? Chelsia calls Sheila bitter and I giggle at the irony there.

They are each given a chance to ask Adam and Ryan one question via teleconference. I don't know why I am continually surprised by the lack of intellect we've witnessed time and again, but I think it really takes the cake when Matt and Natalie yell at the TV screen containing Adam and Ryan's images despite the fact that they are each wearing microphones. Matt wants to know what they are each going to do with the money and Adam has a plan to use 100K to start an after school program for the kids he called retards on national TV, to use 100K to start a miscellaneous business of some sort and to buy himself a fancy car. Ryan's answer is less prepared, consisting of helping his mom, doing something for Jen and giving some to a charity or something. As Joshuah says: Worst. Answer. Ever.

Sharon wants to know why Ryan lied to her and promised to take her to the final 2 before letting Adam evict her over Sheila. Similarly, Natalie wants to know why they both betrayed her and Sheila wants to know why Adam lied to her about the final 2. I want to know why there isn't someone there to slap each HG that questions another's integrity because, for one - they all lied, and secondly - that's part of the game. You knew that going in, don't act all hurt and surprised that someone else lied to you.

More interestingly, Chelsia wants to know if Ryan plans to ask Jen to marry him despite the fact that she "is a hatred person" who plotted against him by undermining his reputation in the house. She says this with such a snotty attitude that it is almost easy to overlook the incredibly poor sense of grammar. But not quite. Ryan answers that he loves his girlfriend, despite what happened in the game and that he is planning a life with her. To which Chelsia snidely remarks "wrong answer".

James asks Adam why he thinks he deserves to be there instead of Sheila, because if James is good at nothing else, it's stirring the pot. Adam rambles on, half screaming and half ranting incoherently, about how he took a bad situation and made it positive and even carried Sheila with him until the end of the game, all of which proves his ability as a well rounded competitor. Of course, this is just enough to really get under Sheila's skin, as she tells him to stop taking all the credit because she carried him just as much. Adam strikes back by rambling a bit more, nonsensically finishing off with the phrase "I don't care what anyone believes in the Jury House". In the words of Joshuah, "Oh really?" In the words of myself, "Could you be any more stupid?"

They each get to make a final statement, and Ryan admits that he's not proud of everything he's done in the house but that he's not going to turn on Adam now because he never resorted to ripping apart someone else to make his further his game. Chelsia gives him the stink eye at that, but he continues that everyone will have their own reasons for their votes and they should come from the heart. Because that is the power behind all good decisions, right? Such as forgiving your girlfriend of less than a year for telling all of America that you are a racist.

Adam does more babbling and at this point, I really believe that he just plucks words out of the air and strings them together randomly, hoping that his loudness, crazy eyes and red face will make people just walk away or agree with him, so long as she shuts up. To paraphrase, he says the game was about relationships and game play and what you plan to do with the money and when he talks it is real and he's gaining from everyone he meets and he wishes they could all win but him and Ryan are in the house and they are in the Jury house and "the game is over for you but not for us". And his stupidity reaches new heights!

Joshuah hates that Adam is so arrogant about it all. Matt and James try to defend him, saying that is just how he is. As if being a jerk is excused by the fact that you are a jerk, somehow. But it does get pointed out that Adam was insulting them by saying it was over for them, which was especially dumb since they are the ones who decide who gets all the money.

Julie asks Ryan and Adam to each use one word to describe what the experience has been like. Adam says "Well, I tell you, Julie, it's been real rough, I mean you..." but Julie cuts him off and says "Rough is you word, then!" and allows Ryan to answer with "nerve wracking". Which is also not one word, unless you stretch things by considering it a hyphenate. Additionally, as each Jury HG casts their vote, they are allowed to make one statement. Most of which are not worth commenting on. Matt says the winner has to take him to Vegas, Sheila says it was an easy decision to make and James says "I hope you party all the money away".

There is a brief segment where BB made a half hearted attempt at pot stirring, by telling Natalie that she was always loyal to Matt but hasn't seen the show. They ask Matt if there is anything he wants to say, but we all know Matt is a scumbag and he nonchalantly tells Julie "I'm sure you have video to show her, so go ahead. And I apologize for everything you are about to see". A statement he clearly does not mean. Unfortunately, BB does not actually show any of this video and we don't get to see if Natalie's sense of denial is faster than the speed of light or not.

Instead, Chen-bot awkwardly moves on to asking Jen how she feels about Allison. Jen points out that Allison was very public with her efforts to subvert her relationship by telling Ryan that she was a better match for him than Jen was and as such she is none too fond of the other girl. Allison's nice personality showed up tonight, however, and she counters that she doesn't have any problems with Jen, that it was a strained ordeal for every one, and that she never had feelings for Ryan. So, basically, she lies.

They try to cause dissonance in the house by playing the tape from Natalie's eviction, proving that Adam whispered "I voted for you" to her. Which is a total non issue at this point, since they are the final two and the votes have been cast. Lastly, they show a clip from Joshuah's crying jag to Adam over a slice of uneaten pizza, including the moment where Adam walks away and Joshuah stops crying the instant his back is turned and rolls his eyes. Which is amusing, to be sure, but at this point it is clear that they are just stretching things out as much as they can.

But eventually they have to reveal the votes, which comes down to only Joshuah having voted for Ryan, with everyone else voting for Adam. Adam immediately announces that 100K is going to the United Autism Foundation. You know, his former employers. Which I have to laugh at and only pray that he gets held to that declaration. Thus, Ryan - and Jen by proxy - get 50k. That last monetary prize of the evening goes to James as America's favorite player, with 25k. But I think the real winners are us, because we don't have to see these players ever again!  Here's to hoping season 10 contains more interesting people!

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