'Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part' Embracing your inner child

You know, I had figured that the moment the HGs of Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part finally began cannibalizing each other, all sorts of exciting things would happen. I didn't know what things they might be, but I thought certainly they would be entertaining. I was wrong.

But first, let's review! Before James left the house, Natalie tried to make a deal with him, which he told Sharon about, who told Sheila, who gossiped to Ryan, who went back to James to get confirmation. Surprisingly, by the time the news gets to the end, it hasn't become completely bastardized, throwing all my knowledge about the game of telephone right out the window. Damnation! However, what does occur is that Natalie's mouth comes back to bite her in the backside, as the entire house now knows she's playing all sides against each other.

Who knew the bikini barista from the beaver state would end up being such a competitor? Annoying, I could have predicted. And that continues, as this week's power number is 9. Why? Well, April 9 is when James was evicted. It's Big Brother's 9th season. It's day 63 in the house and 6+3 = 9! She's like a Dan Brown character! And now, also a target.

The last show left off with our HGs hanging in plexi boxes for the HoH competition. Sharon was the first to drop, explaining a back injury for her tiny bit of endurance. The remaining HGs hang tough (hang! Get it?!) for a long enough time that Sharon and Adam get bored and go inside to make snacks. While they are away, Ryan, Sheila and Natalie start working up a deal. They each agree to give Sheila the HoH this weak, because she's the only HG to have never won it and she's gone on for the last hour about how desperate she is for pictures and letters from home. They also agree that Adam will be there target and that if the votes come out tied, Sheila must break it in their favor. But, they also plan to not make it look like they've made a deal. Yes, it's just as nonsensical as it sounds.

Thus, when Adam and Sharon return, Ryan asks Sheila if they are good - blowing his part of their deal - and she agrees, so he drops. Then Sheila tells Natalie that she's good with her too - blowing another part of the deal. However, Natalie is not going to make it easy for Sheila. Instead, she is going to make all the HGs and America deal with her nonstop prattle about how she's a fighter and she doesn't give up, but she's also a Christian and just like Jesus suffered on the cross, so she is suffering in the box. No, I did not make that up, she did, in fact, just compare an HoH competition to crucifixion. In fact, she goes on for so long that Adam later camera talks that she made a bigger target of herself by being completely irritating. All I can say is that my prayers are answered when she finally does drop out and give the win to Sheila.

Most of the rest of the show is he said, she said and betraying the deals that have been made. For example, the first thing Ryan and Natalie do after the competition is approach Adam. You know, the one they named as their primary target to Sheila? Yeah, him. They tell him everything about the deal but substitute Sharon's name for his, adding that Sheila will be their target next week, making them the final 3. Sheila also talks to Adam. About how she's really just an innocent little girl who cares about everyone, wrapped in the gruff and mean exterior of a bitter old woman. More amazing? He agrees with her and says he sees the little girl in her. I'm about see the dinner in me. Sheila goes on to say that even though she has to put him on the block, her real goal is for him or Ryan to win the PoV, so they can take him down and put Natalie up.

Sheila's HoH room reveal is the most dramatic we've seen, with not only pictures of her teenage son, but pictures from her modeling career. Proving he's still a charmer, Adam reveals in the DR that he wishes "that Sheila was in the house instead of this thing!" You mean the one with the innocent little girl inside? (*urp) There's tears and squeals and hugs and it's a very Brady Big Brother for a moment. and then they go back to being the HGs we know by sitting around and discussing what physical traits are turn ons, and the definition of a butter face. Worse of all is when Sheila reveals her ideal is a cross between Evil Dick and Dr. Will, and BB digs deep into it's budget to morph two photos of the previous HGs into a visage so terrible that words cannot describe it. But it will haunt my nightmares, I am certain of it.

But there are no nightmares or dreams at the end of the show, as it all goes down exactly as promised. Sheila places Adam and Sharon on the block, reminding Adam that he did the same to her last week and asking him to not be angry at her, and wishing Sharon good luck with the PoV.  Which is weird, but rather nice too, actually. Must be that little girl we've heard so much about tonight.

Nope, I still can't think about that without feeling ill.

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