'America's Next Top Model': "Mama's in Charge Today"

April 30, 2008 9:24 PM

Last week on 'America's Next Top Model', Lauren Frankenwalked her way back to the States after she and the rest of the ladies murdered la lingua Italiana in a Cover Girl commercial. This week, Tyra reminds us that she too is a Noted Fashion Photographer. And I don't have to tell you that girlfriend wants to be on top.

Whitney bemoans last week's poor performance and panel, while Fatima finds a way to praise herself while tearing Katarzyna down: she says Kat should be "behind a desk...an accountant." And while the judges are hard on Katarzyna's perceived lack of personality, I would far rather spend a day on set with it than with Fatima's personality. I'm just saying. Mona Tyra Mail reveals that the girls must "fight for the masses" if they want to "pose for the classes." Anya, unsurprisingly, is stumped (but this time I'm with her.) The models are bused to ancient ruins where they watch a reenactment of a gladiator battle. Oooooooookay. Alex Mariotti, a yummy instructor from the Gladiator School of Rome (seriously?) trains them to fight, 300-style, while still looking graceful. Dominique hopes she gets to kick Whitney's butt. She's just joking. No she's not. Yes she is. No she's not. But instead she fights Fatima, about whom she's just as pleasant.

The girls change into, essentially, leather bikinis and boots and get photo instruction from Les Jays. Their sparring partner is a large, hairless man in shinguards. Oooh, and each girl only gets five frames. Anya's scapulas actually appear more dangerous than the huge sword she's wielding. Katarzyna struggles under the weight of her own sword. Whitney's body language is great but her face looks really presentational to me. Fatima, thank god, is more covered up than the rest of the girls - her body makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable - and is too nervous to connect with her poses. Dominique does some really strange kung fu poses. The challenge winner receives 1000 euros (I know, but it's actually more in dollars) for a shopping spree. In a bitchy twist, the winner can either spend the money all herself, or pick a friend to bring with her - but challenge winner Whitney decides to take Anya along for the ride.

Back at l'appartemento, Mona Tyra Mail reveals that the girls' "inexperience should be a thing of the past." Oh my god, she's making them turn tricks!? No, that can't be it. Mr. Jay greets the models at a castle adorned with frescoes dating back to the Renaissance. And speaking of dating back to the Renaissance, Tyra is here! With a camera! Katarzyna is the first victim, and she tries to follow Tyra's instructions to be - and I quote - an "exaggeration of an Italian Renaissance woman who went to the club up on Sunset Boulevard." Well, of course. And you know Tyra is more than happy to demonstrate exaggeration. Katarzyna nerves herself out during her shoot. Oh! And Dominique is dressed as Cruella DeVil! Amaaaaazing. She has no trouble exaggerating, as we well know, and performs a sort of Miss Havisham vogue that Tyra is all about. It was, as Dominique recounts, "a slap in the face to everyone else in America." Wait, what? Up next, Fatima kicks absolute butt at her shoot. She looks like something out of a Cecil Beaton photograph, all long neck and hyperextended arms and perfect profile. Mr. Jay takes back every nasty thing he ever said about her. Whitney sticks her bazooms out a little too much, and Jay correctly diagnoses her as Mae West. As always, it's too much pageant and not enough editorial. And my darling Anya can do such amazing broken-doll things with her body that even Tyra is impressed with her modeling prowess.

Panel! I wonder if, as guest photographer, Tyra gets two votes this week? Oh, hell, she probably always gets two votes. She greets the models with a suave "bon soir" before realizing that she means "buona sera." And you'll never guess what Noted Fashion Photographer they got to sit on panel in Noted Fashion Photographer Tyra's place! Anya is up first, and her shoot is so incredibly editorial and European. (Of course, Tyra takes complete credit for the quality of the photo.) Fatima's photo is graceful and lovely but not quite as visceral to me as Anya's. Dominique shows up at panel in leggings and a crotch-length, off-the-shoulder....I don't know. But her photo is lovely, all angles, and she knows exactly where to hit the light. Katarzyna is technically perfect but just not exciting. This photo is going to send her home, I fear. She just can't push through that wall, and it's so disappointing. She has so much potential, but she doesn't improve from week to week. Whitney's photo is so much better than her shoot led me to believe - she finally hits some good angles with her body - but her face just isn't strong. Unsurprisingly, it's Katarzyna and Whitney in the bottom two; however, Whitney's challenge-winner status keeps her around for one more week.

Next week it's a battle of the egos: Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker versus DominiqueDominiqueDominique. Two will enter but, God willing, only one will leave.

I couldn't be more disappointed to see Katarzyna go, and I know I'm not alone. Why is Dominique still there? And what is with Nigel's persistent dislike of Anya? What happened on that nude photo shoot?

in America's Next Top Model , Reality TV , The CW

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NOOOOOOOOO! I can't believe they got rid of Katarzyna! Yeah, her photo wasn't spectacular, but come on. Dominique? Yes, she can take good photos when she's dragged up. But can she be cute and commercial for Cover Girl. NO. Katarzyna and Anya could do both, possibly Fatima, but Whitney and Dominique? Not so much.

Ciao Katarzyna! I know I'll see you in the pages of Vogue before long.

Siansonea | Apr 30, 2008 9:41:10 PM | #

I seriously yelled when Tyra sent Katarzyna home! She took one mediocre photo the whole competition, while Whitney has taken one good photo the entire competition. Boo, Tyra.

Fatima's body makes me uncomfortable, too. And she has a weird 5 o'clock shadow. And she's mean.

I'm perplexed about Dominique. I have to admit that her photo was good, but her presentation is always off-putting to me. Contestants have been sent home for much less.

Cat | Apr 30, 2008 10:22:38 PM | #

You're a riot, Jordan. Very cool recap.

Martin

Martin | May 1, 2008 12:00:00 AM | #

its obvious that tyra doesn't like kat from the start. but sent her home and keeping drag-queen domo?? oh antm has come to its lowest time. wat d h**l fatima is still here?
huhhh so frustrating!!!

tyrasucks | May 1, 2008 1:13:26 AM | #

Tyra sent Kat home because she can't say her name and was sick of trying! Everyone knows that this show makes no sense in its eliminations at all. Draginique should have been sent home long long ago. On a side note I am excited that Whitney is still in the competition. Hooray!

Top 3: Anya, Whitney, Fatima (unfortunately)

ANTMFAN | May 1, 2008 6:02:26 AM | #

I must say, I took back every bad thing I've ever said about Fatima when she showed up on camera and said, "Go home, Dominique! Die die die!" That with her evil laughter afterward was hilarious. But seriously, it's insulting to all these girls who are being sent home that Dominque is still there.

And I don't know where all the trash-talk about Anya came from this week. "Is she just being who she thinks we want her to be?" No, she really is that sweet and naive. "I don't know if she'll be able to present herself as a top model." Um...didn't she win that party challenge? Whatever.

just me | May 1, 2008 6:06:29 AM | #

Katarzyna was easily my favorite girl this cycle, and it's a terrible shame she didn't make it farther. But just like Molly Sue from Cycle 6, another girl who was a great model but told by Tyra that she has "no personality," I'm sure she'll have no trouble getting plenty of work.

Mark | May 1, 2008 6:30:43 AM | #

just me | May 1, 2008 6:06:29 AM |
==============================

Their comments are probably because they think she'll win. Unless Anya messes up, she stands a good chance of winning. I liked Kat and still like Whitney.

Suz | May 1, 2008 6:32:31 AM | #

Did anyone else think Kata was a dead ringer for Katie Holmes last night at panel? Almost couldn't get past it, until of course she was prematurely sent home.

tia | May 1, 2008 7:04:51 AM | #

i cannot fathom how katarzyna is out and fuglynique is still there... tyra must be blind

MJ | May 1, 2008 7:34:05 AM | #

Poor, sweet Katarzyna (Ka-TA-zhi-na). *sniffle* She actually was pretty good, but like Nicole-3 and Mollie Sue-6, the judges didn't see enough of her personality.
(Nicole-3 DIDN'T have any personality, so...)

Not much else to say other than GREAT RECAP!

I hope Anya wins and Fatima comes in second. Dominique is GAH, and Whitney is a sweetheart, but too vulnerable.

Jhg812 | May 1, 2008 7:34:43 AM | #

If Anya does not win, there is no justice in the world. Fatima deserves to be there, for all that she's too skinny and all that. That's what models are supposed to look like. But Anya's got a bit of what I liked about Jaslene, a sweet personality and a bit of uniqueness. And nowadays I find her accent cute, though it annoyed me at first because I thought it was fake. Go Anya!

Anyone else think it's ironic that Katarzyna was Cover Girl of the Week this week?

Siansonea | May 1, 2008 8:17:47 AM | #

GREAT RECAP! dominique, my hot tranny mess, looks scary in person but how does she get her photos to look so damn good? i still miss claire ...

tc | May 1, 2008 9:32:46 AM | #

Nigel's comments about Anya were bizarre. He questioned whether she could be a top model based on her voice (and presumably pee-sized brain). Are you serious? Since when did anyone care about how a model speaks, or whether they have two brain cells to rubbed together?! Anya is the only plausible choice left, after they got rid of all the best girls (Claire and Kat, and Franken-Lauren).

vncntdl | May 1, 2008 9:57:20 AM | #

I was out of town last week and (gasp!)missed the show, but I'd like to bid a fond adieu to FrankenLauren. I will miss your Clydesdale-like grace and demure attitude.

If the coming attractions for next week are any indication, Dragonique has now made her complete and official transformation into Godzilla. In fact, I will no longer be calling her Dragonique...I will call her Domzilla. A little positive feedback this week, and girlfriend just loses her sh*t altogether. The "victory face" after they called her name - not very professional. And I love the fact that the panel is so torn up over whether or not she could book jobs based on her in-person appearance. Wasn't she spoken to about that hideous outfit a few weeks ago? (Oh, sorry, that was a different color. She must've gotten a volume discount on those spandex Jay Georgio originals.)

Whitney, they are losing their patience with the Mae West/Beauty Pageant thing, and I'll admit that I am as well. Please, PLEASE bring something different to the table, or you are toast. Maybe try a little of Tyra's menstrual cramp thing...they like that.

Fatima, those bones sticking out of your chest at the gladiator competition...Holy Geez!! Aren't certain countries passing actual LAWS to prevent magazines from showing ematiated stick figures like hers? Sure, she has nice cheekbones, but I can't see a designer hanging their $100k gown on that non-existent body. It might slip right off and we'd have to see you naked. And I don't want that. Ever.

Anya - I've made fun of your accent before, and weeks went by when you didn't impress me even a teeny bit, but you rocked that Italian photoshoot. That picture looked straight out of Vogue. I think the panel is dropping hints about her ability to effectively "present herself as a top model" just so they have SOMETHING critical to say in order to drag this to the final showdown, which will definitely have her in it. Past finalists have been just as vacant and mindless (knock, knock, Chantal??), but it's the one who brings the visual goods that gets it.

And finally, I'll say it again - Paulina is the ONLY one who has anything of worth to say on that panel. I really like her.

ShameAboutRaisins | May 1, 2008 11:01:35 AM | #

I have officially lost all respect for this show. I used to love ANTM, but it bears little resemblance to what it used to be. The photo shoots get more & more ridiculous, and the judges have grown completely out of touch with reality.

And what has happened to Tyra? I used to like her, and I thought she tried to give advice to the girls that was actually meaningful and helpful. She also didn't used to seem quite so over the top and self absorbed. She's just been plain mean at times this season. She has no ground to stand on ever again to criticize any of the models for being too over the top after that whole stupid "prom queen" routine back at the beginning of the season.

I have disagreed at times with the elimination decisions, but never to the degree I have this season. Claire's emlimination, to me, was the most inexplicable and the least defendable, bar none, in the history of the show. Dominique's continuation in the show also defies all logic. What are they keeping her for? Her attitude alone would keep her from having a successful career. Photographers are not going to bother hiring someone who is difficult to work with, unless maybe they are just crazy amazing. And she is NOT, she's just crazy. I swear, if she somehow pulls off winning this whole thing, I will never watch this show again.

One last thing. I'm tired of the criticism that people have "no personality" simply because they are somewhat quiet and reserved. Being loud, annoying, and obnoxious (like Dominique) doesn't mean you have more personality. It just means your personality is more annoying and "in your face".

Becca | May 1, 2008 7:47:21 PM | #

i was pulling for whitney but was still shocked to see Kat go!!! she was the best...FAR better than that transy Dominique and anorexic looking fatima!!!

Lyn Lyn | May 1, 2008 8:22:22 PM | #

I agree, just because you're not loud as f... doesn't mean you don't have personality!!! Really, it was so disappointing to see Katarzyna go. You'll succeed girl! Anya rules, she's so going to win, and Whitney better improove this week as good as she cans.The other girls, well... nice pictures, very weird chicks.

Lids! | May 1, 2008 9:47:25 PM | #

i am so disappointed in who is left in the final four.....Dominique?! Whitney!? Fatima?! Hardly "top models" at all!!!

This show disgusts me. Claire, Lauren, and now KATARZYNA!??? Tyra needs to take Paulina's advice and take a hike!

Seriously. I'm pissed. Becca, I agree with you....if Domifreak wins this comp., i refuse to watch this show ever again.

courtknee | May 2, 2008 7:03:39 AM | #

it really sucks!!!! kat is my fav, and all of u r rite bout the show..its not intresting anymore!!! im Malaysian, and the show didnt come out yet here but i watch the show on you tube, and i kept waiting every week to the finals and hoping that kat will win this season!! but there is nothing left urgghh..hate it..

wesley | May 2, 2008 7:44:10 AM | #

wesley | May 2, 2008 7:44:59 AM | #

i was really rooting for Kat to get into the top 3 =( but like everyone said i don't know HOW that dragonqueen Dominique is still there but you gotta admit i guess she's doing something if she's still there or tyra and the pannel is on some stuff. whitney i'm acctually really glad she's making it this far, before the show even started, i looked at here and said she's gonna do some great things and she'll make it farther than any other self contious plus size girl has in this competition, i hope she makes to the top 3 she deserves it no one has shown so much confidence and not compared herself to the other girls like Whitney so i'm all for her!!! Fatima can just dig a hole and lay in it. ANYA!!! i love here 2!!!!! so sweet and yea she's a outstanding model

irvy_irv | May 2, 2008 11:31:14 AM | #

irvy_irv | May 2, 2008 11:31:17 AM | #

Man, Tyra really likes to toot her own horn. She barely participates in anything except panel for weeks on end, shows up to shoot one damn photo session and then brays like a donkey about how nervous she was, the artificial light, her mother, yada, yada, yada. Oh, please. Remember back when she used to sit down and have the heart to heart talks with the girls? While yes, it was probably all scripted, it still gave the illusion that Tyra was part of their lives and cared about how they fared in the competition. Nowadays, she's just an arrogant, unpleasant old crone. The Jays do all the work, and she just doles out the criticism. To borrow a past line from Caridee, "Take the stick out of YOUR butt", Miz Tyra.

SonicSDriver | May 2, 2008 11:56:13 AM | #

Tyra ain't nobody's mama.

| May 2, 2008 2:37:41 PM | #

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