'The Biggest Loser': Girls rule! Boys drool!

Finally! The Biggest Loser's Boys in Blue finally had to face an elimination, after weeks of picking off what remained of Team Black. I'll admit to cackling evilly when it became clear that they'd have to vote off one of their "brothers." The "Pride on three!" pride dwindles! Hooray!

As a prize, you win this delicious spoiler!

Pop quiz, hotshot! Alison calls the remaining competitors into the elimination room for a quick test of knowledge. The first question is a piece of cake -- they all know 3,500 calories burned equals one pound.  Then they get a tricky question -- one that's about someone else. How much weight did Curtis lose when he came back? Mark interviews that he just cares about his own weight loss, not anyone else's. That's the spirit! Dan, Jay and Roger get it right (100 pounds), so they go onto the next round -- how many calories are in a cup of fat-free strawberry yogurt? This is actually a tricky one, because a lot of single-serving containers of yogurt are 100 calories -- but they're also only 6 ounces.   Dan is closest, guessing 100 calories, while Jay and Roger grossly underestimate -- 60 calories? I wish! Try 200 calories.

Dan, of course, takes the opportunity to sing his own praises. "I won the quiz! I now in fact [have] been proven the smartest person in the house!" Um, no.. you were just slightly less wrong than your compatriots. Dork. Therefore, I get a little thrill when his prize is... a huge slice f chocolate cake. "Thank you?" he says.

Alison tells Dan he can eat the cake, but she'd recommend he bring it, intact, to the challenge. Thus begins The Tale of the Cake, for Dan starts carrying it with him everywhere. He brings it to workouts. He walks it around the kitchen, He puts it on the treadmill next to him. He treats it as a pet. He swears he will never let it leave his side.

So of course, the moment Dan lets his guard down, the cake goes missing. Dan finds a ransom note in his room, ostensibly signed by Kelly. Kelly denies all knowledge, but thinks it's hysterical. As Dan continues his increasingly pissy search for the cake, everyone starts having fun with him. Where's the last place you'd ever look for anything, Dan? How about the dishwasher? The cleaning supplies? Maybe the laundry room? He finds it, intact, in the laundry room, and Roger admits to being the cake thief. It's funny, but I think it's a bit mean-spirited of Roger to cast suspicion on Kelly. Why do that?

The Challenge
The competitors are taken to an area, where all sorts of tasty treats (pizza, fries, ice cream, cotton candy, etc.) are available for the taking. They can run to a station, grab one item of food, and place it on someone else's table. The person with the fewest calories on their table at the end wins $10,000.

This is where Dan's cake comes in handy -- he can immediately put 600 calories on someone's table. He chooses Kelly, which... why? Roger took the cake. You could easily pay him back for that now. Harrumph.

The Men in Blue decide to gang up on the women, and load their tables with calories. They don't put a single item on another Blue Boy's table. Kelly and Ali have 10,000 more calories on their tables than any of the guys do. Ali finally gets the message that the Men in blue are not her friends.

Jay narrowly beats Roger for the prize -- $10,000, or a 1-pound pass. He's got until the weigh-in to decide whether to take the money or the pass.

The Weigh-In
Ali and Kelly bond over how schmucklike the Boys in Blue are, and vow to do everything in their power to stay above the yellow line. Fortunately, the Boys in Blue may have helped them a bit -- they all snacked on junk food as they loaded up the girls' tables during the challenge. Plus, Jillian's been working the women hard, and it shows.

The men weigh in first. Jay and Roger put up respectable but not spectacular numbers, and Jay's 1-pound pass pushes him ahead of Roger. Then Dan gets on the scale, and he's in for a shock -- he's down 1 pound, of 0.5% of his body weight. He freaks. Mark also has a less-than stellar week, losing 4 pounds, or 2.16%.

It comes down to the women -- and they knock it out of the park. Ali is down 6 pounds, of a weight loss percentage of 3.87%. Wow. What's more, she's lost 85 pounds -- the most any woman has ever lost on campus. Kelly is last, and you can tell the guys are praying she'll have a bad week, but no such luck -- she's down 7 pounds, for 3.52%. Ali and Kelly take the first and second spots in weight loss this week. Whoo-hoo!

At the elimination, everyone votes for Dan -- they don't even get to Jay, who announced at the outset that he wouldn't vote for his brother. Dan heads back home, then moves to LA to pursue his music career. He's done a great job, and I congratulate him, but I'm seriously glad I'm not going to have to listen to him any more.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends:

• Dan is in shock with his 1-pound loss:  "I'm speechless, I have nothing to say. And that doesn't happen too often." Trust me, Dan -- it almost never happens. I revel in the silence.
• Of course, moments later he's flapping his gums again -- he's convinced Kelly's going to screw up, and that "my boys will save me, business will go on as usual." Not this time, Blue Boy.
• I kind of adored Ali's reaction when Kelly's number came up -- "That's what happens when you get girls mad." Hee!
• Roger is rapidly wearing on my last nerve -- when Ali points out that the whole boys vs. girls thing at the tables was an eye-opening experience, Roger interviews "Wah wah wah -- we didn't make the game!" Yeah, put you chose to pile on, which was hardly gracious.
• Dan obviously thinks he's being stealthy when he urges Jay to take the money, not the pass, but he's laughably transparent.
• Dan, on his music career: "I did not want to be that big guy with the great voice." Well, you're not that big guy... but I haven't seen that much evidence of the great voice, either.

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