When we last saw our beloved bitches, they were bidding a tearless goodbye to anorexic racist Allison. This week, 'America's Next Top Model' delivers to us the one, the only, the proto-Dominque: Jaslene. Gracefully combining Dominique's adam's apple and Anya's vaguely deaf-sounding speech, Jaslene clearly has inspired much of the casting for Cycle 10. And since I, at least, want to be on top, let's proceed.

In the limocab, Dominique reveals that she thinks that Tyra put her on a pedestal by putting her in the bottom two. What now? Lauren knows that she needs to work on her confidence. Scroll-o-mail! The ladies troop over to a fire station to practice the art of the quick change, but Fatima refuses to change into her assigned shoes. The models practice their runway walk in front of a group of allegedly cute firefighters. Katarzyna, Claire and Whitney have incredible walks, but Dominique walks like a drag queen (and I'm being charitable - Whitney correctly notes that she's seen actual drag queens with better walks. And drag queens are....packing equipment that gets in the way. I'm just saying.) Fatima confidently marches, poorly, and Lauren's poor ankles are so weak from wearing Earth Shoes that she's just scarcely mobile. Back at the house, the girls struggle with the bathrooms per capita, and Aimee freaks out about the other girls seeing her shower. Whitney stands up for Aimee, and Fatima thinks she's standing up for her, and gets upset? I'm not sure. I've already warned you that the weekly Fatima Drama makes me drowsy.

Tyra Scroll reveals...well, I couldn't even tell you. Maybe something about Mock Trial? The girls show up at a location to prepare for a Tuleh fashion show, which would maybe be more exciting three years ago, but as with the Badgley Mischka show really proves how much this series has upped its game this season. Ann Shoket and Jaslene appear, and Amis calls our Jaslene "a big old beautiful doe-eyed yummy little Latino sandwich." It is so, so telling that she doesn't use the feminine form of Latin, but ok. The winner of the challenge will pose with Jaslene in a tacky "advertorial." The girls will have to execute a quick change - with no dresser! - before walking the runway. Dominique's hair is suddenly a ripe shade of tangerine. Stacy-Ann opens the show, and her ner hair really suits her. Whitney walks with a boob out of her top, and doesn't even bat an eye. That girl wows me. Lauren continues her reign of terribleness, and Jaslene calls her out on it. Fatima misbuttons her shirt and walks too quickly. Dominique is a straight up man. Claire and Katarzyna are really the only two who resemble models in any form, and Katarzyna wins the challenge and picks Amis and Marvita to join her photo shoot.

As Lauren stresses over Jaslene's criticism, the other girls gather for our third freaking Scroll-o-Mail of the week. Chops? Packing? Paging Mr. Sinclair, Mr. Upton Sinclair? And indeed, the girls arrive in the Meatpacking District for a photo shoot in which they will be wearing meat. Literally. Wearing slices of beef. Tyra has officially lost her mind. Claire, who you just KNOW is vegan, is particularly grossed out. Fatima sneers throughout her shoot. Whitney gets beef panties - not a euphemism - and listens to Mr. Jay's criticism to get less pin-up. Marvita is fierce, and yes, I know I need to find a new word. Lauren really commits to her shoot, as does Dominique. Amis can't model to save her life.

The next day, Amis oversleeps and shows up at panel in her pajamas. Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker is here! Notably! Tyra sings the intros, bizarrely, and Paulina points out that the shoot is a metaphor for the modeling industry. Stacy-Ann whiffs it, while Whitney rocks her little meat panties. Aimee looks completely stiff, after rocking the past few shoots. Katarzyna takes a risky picture, and her body is amazing, but her eyes don't quite connect. Fatima looks like a pretzel. Anya takes a very confident picture, and Claire (wearing Dominique's Mom Jeans from last panel) slouches into her picture, splitting the judges. Dominique needs to tilt her face to de-accentuate her nose, but nobody points that out. Lauren takes a fantastic picture, but her runway presence scares everyone. Amis lets her nerves get in her way, and Marvita doesn't connect to a story in her shot. There are 11 lovely ladies before Tyra, but only Fatima and Amis are in the bottom two. And Fatima's drama is far too dramatic for Miss Ty to dismiss, so Crazy Amis runs along home. Fatima vocally sobs, but not one tear wells up in her eye.

Next week: Popping! Locking! Racism!

What sayest thou? Is Fatima the fakest thing you've ever seen? Do you love Claire more with each week? Does Dominique make Jaslene look femme? Dish!

Comments

I actually thought Jaslene looked fabulous. Dominique does nothing for me, if she's going to be a model, she needs her nose fixed - just sayin' - and my nose is actually crooked, but I'm not trying to be a model. Lauren's pictures are great, but really, the girl needs to get a clue, I'm tired of hearing how she's punk rock and awkward. Just get a backbone, fake it or something. She's 22 - I'm a lawyer and am terrified when I go before a judge, but I put on my acting hat and go for it. I do love Claire, she's the best (ever - at least personality wise). I'm dissapointed in Fatima - she's so cluelessly witchy, but she is very beautiful, too bad, I wanted to like her.

Sue | Mar 13, 2008 9:17:12 AM | #

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I adored Jaslene during her season, Dominique isn't as good a model by a long shot. She also doesn't have Jaslene's charm. Other than 'angularity' (which I guess equals masculinity) there really aren't a lot of similarities between the two. Jaslene seems to be losing her accent a bit, I don't know if I like that.

Siansonea | Mar 13, 2008 10:00:30 AM | #

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I'm loving Whitney... could a plus sized model really finally pull this off? Both Fatima and Dominique were people I wish i could root for because of the difficulties in their pasts, but man they are catty, shallow, and looking for fights. Plus, neither is all that stunning as a model.

K | Mar 13, 2008 12:14:37 PM | #

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aimee looks like tiffany, that 80's pop starlet. clare, kataryzna and marvita are my favs right now. jaslene was right to question lauren's commitment after her awful runway walk. glad amis is gone. dominique should be next.

lots of runway action this cycle now that the show is back in nyc. who's the next designer to be featured?

TC | Mar 13, 2008 12:30:09 PM | #

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Whitney is the plus sized girl we have all been waiting for! I adore her!
I wish Tyra would learn to pronounce Katarzyna, I think she has said it different everytime and I find it somewhat rude and totally distracting.
I could without quite a few of these girls... I will not miss Dominique, Fatima, StacyAnn.
One under-rated girl I am so loving is Aimee. She is stunning and sexy and could win this thing.

Mandy | Mar 13, 2008 1:55:29 PM | #

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I have been watching Top Model since the very beginning and if there's a marathon on VH1 or MTV, I'll probably be watching it. Over the last few cycles, I haven't liked the winners but I continued to watch because I like the photo shoots and am amused by Tyra's antics.

I think this episode was probably the end for me. Meat as clothes? I don't understand how this is fashion. Have they simply run out of ideas? If it wasn't for the runway shows, I'd say the show finally gave up on the premise that is was about modeling...

Elizabeth | Mar 13, 2008 2:45:41 PM | #

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I don't understand the sense of wasting all that meat for such a poorly executed, feebly reasoned photo shoot. "Models are treated like pieces of meat" = "Let's wear meat and ruin clothes no one would buy because it's being worn with meat"? WTF?! And is it just me, or did last cycle boast the great effects of "going green" and do a photo shoot dedicated to that? Meat production is hugely bad for the environment. Claire, the "staunch environmentalist" should get on that.
Ranting aside, I love Claire and Whitney, even though they're both a little on the dim side.

Meghan | Mar 13, 2008 4:22:37 PM | #

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While I watched this episode I kept getting annoyed by Fatima's fat mouth. She just needs to shut up. Seriously.

Then I get to the end where she was almost eliminated and she looked absolutely stunning. Maybe it's me, but at that moment, I felt like she could make a really good model. Agh, she's so frustrating!

Wouldn't you rather see interesting unique photo shoots than those boring catalog shoots? The thing about high fashion is that they always have to add a new twist. Hence people wearing meat. It makes for a fun and entertaining show, but still relates to modeling. If you don't believe me, check out Paris Fashion week where a model wore a dress completely made from hair and Beijing Fashion week where clothes were made using only condoms.

gus | Mar 13, 2008 5:28:09 PM | #

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I'm still amazed and in disbelief that jaslene and also last seasons soleasha (are whatever her name was) won! I think jaslene was picked because she was latino and tyra wanted someone other than a white person, same as soledad(or whatever her name was). At least I could see solesha doing print ads and even be on comercials.

caseywirth | Mar 13, 2008 9:05:43 PM | #

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In addition to pronouncing Katarzyna's name correctly, I'd like for Tyra to quit with the squeeky voice nearly every time she says StaaacyAnnn. UGH! It's annoying to viewers and insulting to StacyAnn - not that I particularly care for her. But her voice is her voice. Get over it.
As for favs, go Whitney and Aimee. Fatima and tranny-looking Dominique can just go - out the door. And soon please.

MGC | Mar 13, 2008 10:02:52 PM | #

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If you really want to see shoots that are "real" modeling, you should watch "Make Me a Super Model." The shoots are very high fashion and the cat walks are just as fierce. As a veggie also, wearing meat? Please. I too wondered what happened to the green aspect of the show.

Stacy Ann looks too much like Dominique so she has no hope of winning. I don't care if Lauren did a great picture, this is suppose to be the next top model. If you can't cut it on the catwalk, you won't ever be a super model. I love Claire, Whitney and Aimee.

Tyra needs to up her game with this show. I know it's been renewed for several more cycles but if the ratings drop, she will be off the air faster than the winners from the other cycles. It won't be long before we are seeing them in the "Where are they Now" shows on E!

Mel | Mar 14, 2008 7:59:25 AM | #

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Yes, Make Me a Supermodel has photo shoots/challenges that are "real" - real boring. And they make as much sense to me as the ANTM shoots. Just look back at the episode where the MMaS models had to walk with a duck, goat, pig, sheep, poodle, and goose.

Caseywirth: I think it's quite silly for you to make that assumption. Give Jaslene credit for winning. You may not have agreed with it, but it doesn't mean that she simply won because she's Latina. It's unfortunate that there are some people who still think that minorities only get far because of their race. Shame.

gus | Mar 14, 2008 3:43:04 PM | #

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I don't get all the Claire love. I don't think she's that great. Sure she's better than Lauren and Fatima, but meh...

AnTm | Mar 18, 2008 12:36:29 PM | #

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Gus: I didn't say what I said to be racist, because I'm not! I trully believe that tyra wants to mix it up, even if it's not the best 'model', so there will be different ethnicities. But that is just my opinion. I just thought personally that jaslene wasn't the best one to win. But toward the end you saw the writing on the wall and knew she would!

caseywirth | Mar 20, 2008 10:25:00 PM | #

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