'American Idol' Top 10 sing songs from the year they were born

Tuesday (March 25) night's American Idol theme is Songs From The Year You [the contestants, that is, not me] Were Born. For Michael Johns and Carly Smithson, that could mean a third straight week of the Beatles, while for Presumptive American Idol Winner David Archuleta, that could mean one of the lesser singles of Hanson. Sadly, only one of those two possibilities was meant as a joke...

Singer: RAMIELE MALUBAY
Song: "Alone"
My Take: The producers have apparently tired of Ramiele's so-so brand of party karaoke, giving her the Opening Slot of Death this week and dressing her in The High Waisted Shorts of Death. Tonight's secondary theme, of course, is making viewers like me feel wicked old. I remember when this song when playing on the radio. It was in tune back then. Tonight? It's mostly flat. And sometimes sharp. And generally shouted. And delivered without an iota of movement on the stage. The conspiracy theorists will think this entire performance was part of the ongoing conspiracy to keep Kristy Lee Cook around. I just think Ramiele hasn't been very good since the first week of the Top 24.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy implies that it wasn't the right song choice and that Ramiele being under the weather isn't really an excuse. Paula, who also sounds like she's also sick, is glad that America has heard her sing, praising her bravery. Let's discuss Paula's black elbow-high gloves and bejeweled bracelets. OK. Fine. Let's not. Simon, feeling generous, doesn't think it was as bad as Randy did. He adds that since Ramiele skated last week after a bad week, this week should be OK as well. Ryan accuses Randy of being too harsh tonight.

Singer: JASON CASTRO
Song: "Fragile"
My Take: Happy Birthday, Jason. Never has my favorite Stoner Muppet appeared more frantically guided by his unseen puppeteer. His hands strum wildly across his guitar, rarely making music, but at least steering the rhythm. The lyrics are all mumbled and I seem to recall the Sting version having a melody instead of just a high nasal hum. Once again, Jason isn't singing a song that's nearly complicated enough to justify the raised brows, pursed lips and clenched eyelids. They have coaches on this show and if they could sort of teach Carmen Rasmusen how not to bleat like a goat, surely they can show Jason how not to wince and mug. Oh, but at least Jason's better with Spanish than he was with French last week.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy loves the song and loves the Spanish touch, but he's still waiting to see that breakout vocal performance. For Paula, the lack of vocal range is Jason staying true to who he is. Simon, though, demands that Jason takes this more seriously, comparing it to somebody busking outside of a subway station. We warns him that he won't win if he doesn't do something more. Ryan asks Jason if he's taking it seriously. Jason replies, "Yeah." He asks why Simon might get a different impression. Jason replies, "Uh... I dunno."

Singer: SYESHA MERCADO
Song: "If I Were Your Woman"
My Take: Yes, Syesha. We've heard your baby cry before. Last time it was creepy and interesting. Now? Tired of it. Last week's somewhat over-praised version of "Yesterday" may have given Syesha the mistaken impression that she has a diva's voice, which she doesn't. The bigger the notes are, the more she sounds like she's shouting. For the most part, though, the song has been properly arranged to keep her right on the threshold of yelling, leading to a nice, solid vocal. I think there's an upbeat side to her that works better than this, that would show off her personality.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy says this was the best he's ever heard her sing, cheering that "We've got another competitor in the competition." Paula says this is the moment that Syesha flipped it and that she's now the dark horse. This time, Simon says that the end part wasn't as good as Randy thought it was.

Singer: CHIKEZIE
Song: "If Only For One Night"
My Take: After his first audition I said that Chikezie was giving me a Skinny Velvet Teddybear vibe, so I like the idea of him doing a Luther-by-way-of-Ruben cover. Chikezie has so much more range than the three singers who came before him. He has a smooth falsetto and rich low tones and his voice can work with anything. Does it work best with ballads? Probably not. Somehow the cheesiness inherent in Chikezie's wide-open approach to entertaining seemed less evident and more genuine with his more up-tempo Beatles performances the past two weeks. Just to get a better overall sense, I turned away from my TV and I absolutely enjoyed what I heard. I couldn't say that about Ramiele or Jason.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy thinks Chikezie was too old school, not hip and cool. Paula disagrees, raving that Chikezie's a throwback. Simon is right that the performance was cheesy, but at least he credits Chikezie with singing it well. He misses Chikezie's personality.

Singer: BROOKE WHITE
Song: "Every Breath You Take"
My Take: Brooke blunders the start of her song, pauses and starts over, but most people at home are probably going, "Doesn't she look so pretty with her hair straightened and isn't her mom a babe?" and didn't even notice. It's an appropriate song choice for a singer whose fans are right on the verge of getting stalker-ish. Credit Brooke for not letting her early stumble entirely throw her off, but I'm not sure she's hearing the piano properly, because she's trying to unnecessarily yell over it. It gets worse when the band joins her and she's suddenly trying to be heard over even more music. After last week, I doubt we'll never see her move again and it's great that she's able to make a song about stalking sound so sweet.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy loves the professionalism of her restart, but he isn't so enthusiastic about the song's second half. Brooke pats him on the head and assures him that it's OK to criticize her. Paula's pleased that Brooke has her own niche. Brooke pats her on the head and reassures her that it's OK to worship her. Simon thinks it would have been cooler without the band accompaniment. He's sure she'll be around for another week, though. Brooke pats him on the head and assures him that if voted back she'll gladly perform. Is everybody repeating how brave Brooke was for starting over as way of slamming lyric-botcher Presumptive American Idol Winner David Archuleta?

Singer: MICHAEL JOHNS
Song: "We Will Rock You/ We Are the Champions"
My Take: Back in the Hollywood Round, we heard snippets of Michael doing great work on "Bohemian Rhapsody," so it's nice that he's old enough to go back to Queen again. I'm wondering on the overall sound system tonight, because Michael's also shouting, though in his case he has a massive rock arrangement behind him and he even has to sing over the light show, which is bound to be distracting. But despite the band and despite the strobe effects, Michael dominates.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy's been waiting for a performance like this. Paula agrees that this was the Michael's shining moment. She's proud of him. Simon, for the firs time, sees star potential in Michael.

Singer: CARLY SMITHSON
Song: "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
My Take: Gee, Carly. Thanks for kicking the mad knowledge that Dublin is the capital city of Ireland. What we didn't know, though, is that Carly's mom is Linda Carter-esque. Nice. How many times have we been treated to this song on Idol? It's a big voice song and Carly bellows up a storm. I really didn't need the showy, shouty, runny last note, but I think she's assertive (which may just mean that her perpetual intensity intimidates me). The problem: If I've heard 50 different versions of this song, is anything going to make me remember Carly's? I'm skeptical.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy likes it, but doesn't love it. He doesn't like the song choice, which Paula doesn't understand. Wait. Sorry. Who cares what Paula's saying. Randy didn't like Carly! I'd alert the media, but I am the media. Simon senses Carly's tension, despite the parts of the song he likes.

Singer: PRESUMPTIVE AMERICAN IDOL WINNER DAVID ARCHULETA
Song: "You're the Voice"
My Take: America, will you be David Archuleta's prom date? Have I heard this song before? It starts too low for David, but that's just prelude and by the time the song reaches what I think is its first chorus, it's right in his wheelhouse. There are rough notes along the way, especially when it gets higher, and David keeps waving his arms in circles urging the crowd to join him in a song 98 percent of them have never heard before. Since he knows they aren't going to join him, the urging is an affectation bred of self-importance. But he's good enough, in that "My closed eyes indicate sincerity" way will keep David's fans voting in droves and probably won't generate any new ones. He doesn't need to generate new fans.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say For Randy, this proves that David has mad skills and he can sing whatever. Paula's sure that even singing the phone book, David would make America squeal. Interestingly, Simon's the only one who knows the song. But then Simon says, "It was actually reminiscent of a theme park performance." Simon doubts David chose the song himself. The crowd isn't pleased with Simon's displeasure.

Singer: KRISTY LEE COOK
Song: "God Bless the USA"
My Take: Are we supposed to believe that it's a coincidence that the recent song order went Aussie, Irish lass, half-Honduran and then Kristy singing about being American? Ew. This is just pandering. Stop staring into the camera and preaching to me about patriotism, Kristy. I'm proud to be an American too, but gracious me. Is there an untapped core of dedicated conservatives who have been waiting for a moment like this to vote for American Idol? Actually, I'll bet there are. This is probably the nail in Ramiele's coffin, in fact. Interesting, while some of the notes are way off, this is the first time we've really heard Kristy belt and it's the best indication that she may have potential. With Dolly Parton reportedly showing up to mentor next week, they can't let their one pure country singer go.
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy's proud to be an American also. Paula's also proud. Simon thinks it was Kristy's best performance and he smirkingly dubs it "the most clever song choice" he's heard in years.

Singer: DAVID COOK
Song: "Billie Jean"
My Take: David Cook has always had the highest forehead in the world. Over the years he's gone through bangs and spikes and his current combover. Ryan says whose version of the song this is, but I was having a Diet Coke-induced coughing fit at the time (a friend tells me "Chris Cornell"). This is the closest David's come yet to emotional connection with the song and he gets off one spectacular rock power note toward the end that makes the entire performance worthwhile. As the song ends and the crowd roars, he bows and preens like Manny Ramirez after a deep fly ball. Seriously Manny, I know you don't want to deprive Japanese crowds the spectacle of Manny being Manny, but how about hustling on Day One? Sorry. Little tangent there. This is a performance well-deserving of the pimp slot. [Post-script: I'm a bit less impressed by David's performance after listening to the Cornell version. Now *that* is awesome.]
Tinker, Evers and Simon Say Randy might also have been coughing through Ryan's intro also, because he raves at David's originality, predicting a possible David Cook win. Paula gushes that David's brilliant, brave and other words starting with "B." Simon says it could have been insane or amazing and it was amazing.

TONIGHT'S BEST: After David Cook, my top bracket would include Michael and... um... There were five or six performances that were perfectly mediocre. That's not so bad, right?
IN DANGER: Bye, Ramiele. Not only did you have the episode's worst placement, but you gave the show's worst performance. But who to join her? I'd think Carly and Chikezie, though in terms of pure quality it should be Jason and Kristy.

Agree? Disagree?

And, as always, check out all of our Idol coverage at Zap2it's Guide to American Idol.

E-mail

• Digg
• Facebook
• Fark
• Yahoo Buzz
• Stumbleupon