'Rock of Love' Cowboy blues

This episode of Rock of Love 2 begins with Brett waking up the girls himself. Which seems like a pretty good way to get an idea of whom he wants to keep in the house really, especially since he kept them all last week and must evict 2 this week. And also, this maybe explains why despite being the first girl to spend the night with Brett, Daisy has been pretty much ignored since then. Who knows what she looks like in the morning?

The girls regroup downstairs and are greeted by the sight of cowboy boots and Big John telling them to "saddle up". Which, frankly, in this crowd, is a difficult phrase to throw out to this group, don't you think? That aside, no one does anything wildly appropriate before they all start off to the ranch for the "Rocking Rodeo Relay". Brett tells us that "there's a lot of cowboy in this long haired rocker", but really it's more that there's a lot of hair glue under his bandanna. Rodeo rides out, her infamous cackling laugh echoing as she tells then girls they look great. And then she adds "NOT"! Did someone forget to tell me it was 1991 again?

The relay will have the girls broken into two teams and competing in the skills of riding, roping and greased pig chasing, with the MVP wining the solo date. Catherine and Ambre are the team captains and they choose their teams, leaving Megan out in the cold again. She thinks it's because they are jealous of her and she gets to pick the team she wants to play on.  She chooses to go with Catherine's team, since it has Peyton, Inna and Daisy, with Catherine boasting all day about her ability as a rider.

It all goes about as you would expect, with the horses running away from the girls with as much vigor as the greased pigs, whom Daisy thinks must have college degrees because they are so smart. I doubt very much that it takes a college degree to out smart Daisy. But in the end it is Ambre's team that wins, despite having one less member, and Jessica gets the solo date, since she dove into the pig pen two times. Catherine cries, over having lost what should have been her competition and the certainty that she will now go home without ever having gotten a date with Brett. Sounds like she's the real winner to me!

The group date wins the award for most nonsensical theme for a restaurant ever. It even beats the Fashion Cafe, I swear. It's called Opaque, and is fine dining in the dark. I don't mean low light, I mean pitch black, no light whatsoever and employing a blind waitstaff to guide people to and from their table and the restroom. I prefer to see what I am eat, though I suppose there is something to be said for not seeing the people you are dining with. Makes it much easier to sneak out without being detected as well. As long as you don't mind smacking your shins on the furniture, that is.

Kristy Joe immediately makes sure she gets the seat closest to Bret and thanks to the technology that brought us such as magical moments as "One Night in Paris", we get to see what's going on through the garish green tones of night vision photography. I bet the person who invented that feels dreadful that this new and dreadful use has become popularized. Proving her mental instability, Kristy Joe moves swiftly from nuzzling, to kissing, to finger sucking, to kicking and hitting for no apparent reason. Meanwhile, the waiter, perhaps sensing something amiss, comes to the table and asks if anyone wants to change position. Kristy Joe says she doesn't and Destiny tells her to be less of a selfish b!tch and I expect Kristy Joe to aim her kicking and hitting in her direction, but alas, this does not occur.  However, when Kristy Joe and Destiny go to use the bathroom, Ambre hops over and makes out with Brett herself.  She camera talks that she was glad to have the moment alone and appreciates how it is their secret. Well, theirs, the waitstaff, the camera crew, the production staff and all the audience.

When they get home, Brett surprises everyone by taking Kristy Joe into his room. Then again, he kept Crazy Lacey around last season, so I suppose he finds psycho-women crazy. He talks to her about her feelings for him, her incredibly screwed up history, current marital status and the number of restraining orders she holds. He asks if she will just hang out and watch a movie with him and she agrees as long as they send the camera crew away and lock the door. Right. She emerges from his room after 4am and sneaks into her own bed, which seems silly because it's not like the other girls won't know she spent the night with him. Especially since Daisy sat outside his door crying until after 3am.

Bright and early the next morning, Catherine is up cooking breakfast, which she brings to Brett in bed, saying that she is making her own date with. He is gracious but really it's all a little uncomfortable. Especially since Catherine was already cracking her chewing gum, at 8am. Does Big League Chew go well with coffee? Brett excuses himself after a respectable amount of time, to go to his solo date with Jessica. He's really bringing the romance by taking her to play some paint ball, with Big John as a sniper in a tower working against them. But they play respectably well against the Devil Dog and a good time seems to be had by all. When they get home Daisy and Megan are waiting outside Brett's bedroom door, in lounge chairs they drug in from outside, but Brett brushes right by them.  I guess Daisy's pink fuzzy slippers didn't incite any great passion in him.

The elimination ceremony carries no surprises, but it does feature a few amusing moments. Such as when Brett says "This next girl kisses amazingly in the dark" and Kristy Joe's head snaps up and she gets a big smile that quickly disappears when he calls Ambre's name. Brett goes for an encore performance by announcing another girl as a "super hot rocker chick" and Peyton grins up until the moment he calls down Destiny. Where does one go after such public burning, I wonder? That aside, as expected Peyton and Catherine are eliminated. Peyton say that if it were a different time and under different circumstances, things might have been different. Brett agrees, but he's likely thinking "maybe 20 years ago". Catherine assures Brett that she still has "mad love and respect" for him. Someone has been hanging out with her teenage children too long.

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