'Project Runway' Fashion bodyslam

We went an extra week with no new Project Runway, and I felt the hurt. The bitchiness in my blood level has dropped dangerously low, so thank goodness it's back tonight.  And back sans the back biting Victorya, who was given the go-go boot for a truly tacky denim jacket. Which saved Ricky for one more miraculous week, but how long can his luck hold out? Let's see!

The designers are not given the details of their next challenge right away, much like on the last episode, but are instead told to meet Tim in 24 hours time for a field trip. It's the world's most anticlimactic field trip, because he only takes them to the Runway Auditorium. However, inside the auditorium we can hear screams and other mysterious noises, which is described by most like overhearing people killing each other or fighting a war. Christian, however, describes it as sex moans, which makes me question his sex life. And his safety. But I decide not to dwell on it, because I don't need this particular bit of information working it's way into my subconscious and waking me up in cold sweats in the middle of the night.

When the door is opened and the designers step inside, they are met with a wrestling ring filled with the "divas" of the WWE. And more fashion faux pas than any one room should contain. However, for some reason, someone though it would be a good idea to have them design the girl's wrestling costumes. I am bewildered. The lack of fashion in these garments is truly astounding, so I don't see what they are really supposed to do. Additionally, I have practically zero interest in seeing the results, because really....what the heck can you do in spandex? I suppose we will find out.

The girls introduce themselves and we learn a bit about their persona before the designers pick who they want to work with.  Here's the breakdown:

Ricky will be working with Layla, a Latina who describes herself as a funky dancer. Jillian will be working with Michelle, a girl next door with a tom boy streak. Chris will be working with Maria, who describes her style as rock/glam. Christian chooses Chrystal, who loves leather and lace. Sweet P chooses the "sex kitten", Candace. And Rami gets Torrie, the all American good girl. The designers are given a budget of $100 to spend at, I kid thee not, Spandex House. How much spandex can you get for $100? I'm afraid of so much of this.  Especially when Candace describes herself as "a classy sex pot....not a whore sex pot". Meanwhile, she's wearing a studded bikini top and skin tight pants with strategic cut outs. Bettie Page it's not. Chris describes it far more accurately as "stripper,tranny wear".

I only get more worried and bewildered as the episode goes on and I watch Rami work with hot pink spandex, Sweet P's Tranny Ice-capades outfit, and the contemplation of puffy sleeves - which I don't think is actually even possible with spandex. Is it? Please tell me it's not. I think I may cry. Jillian shares me sense of foreboding, but her reasons are more immediate: she's concerned about getting body slammed if her client doesn't like her creation. I suppose that could be a very real fear. Sweet P tries to break the mood by arm wrestling with Christian, but when she has to resort to cheating to beat him, I lose my last bit of respect for her. She's let me down one too many times now.  Rami camera talks that he's only concerned because the challenge is "not my personal style" and I nearly scream at my TV that this is NO ONE's personal style. It's not even style. Tim compares Sweet P's creation to Eva Gabor on Green Acres and really, it's an insult to the costumers on Green Acres. Lastly, Chris wonders what in the world Nina Garcia is going to say about what comes down the runway this week and I can't imagine myself. So let's just get right to it, OK? By the way, the judges are joined by the boys of Heatherette this week - really the only designers who even semi-fit for this particular challenge.

Christian: He describes it as "the most wearable", but really,that's a dubious claim. He has the same jacket he does every week, which isn't dreadful but feels really superfluous to the outfit to me. Additionally his chaps look more like crotchless fetish wear with just the lace stockings and nude panties beneath them and t comes off as too raunchy. On the upside, it has a point of view and you can tell it's his.

Jillian: She does cute and sophisticated so well that it even shows up here. I am not sure about the styling on the thigh-highs and the black shoes, because it comes off as more Alice in (more demented then usual) Wonderland, but I doubt the accessories wall contains much in the way of a real athletic shoe. Additionally, the outfit itself is young and sporty and fits the model to a T.

Ricky: I do believe this is the last we will be seeing of him. He sends his model out in a gold lame' tunic, which might as well have been a potato sack. Beneath it is just a 70s styled orange bathing suit. There is nothing that ties the outfit to the girl or the challenge. It's not poorly made, it just makes no sense. And I don't like the color against the model's skin tone.

Chris: If he doesn't win tonight I might write an angry letter. Everything from the hoodie with the bell sleeves, to the rousching on the back of the bootie shorts, it's note perfect. For what it is. It fits not only the model's body, but her persona, perfectly. The design is well thought out and the execution is flawless. The detailing and finishing is the cleanest we've seen from him all season. It's adorable, sexy and it just works.

Sweet P: Oh dear. The material is nightmarish. The cape/coat thing looks like bad stripper lingerie. The fit on the shorts is embarrassingly bad. The model looks miserable. There's just nothing good happening here.

Rami: Ouch. Think Malibu Barbie on benzos. It's pink and overstuffed and ruffled and frilled to within an inch of it's life and I don't ever want to see it's ilk again. Typical of Rami's work, it's well made. It's just also ugly as sin.

Michael Kors probably sums up how we all feel when he describes himself as such a fish out of water that he feels "like the pope at sex club". Another visual I didn't need, but I know what he means. Really, the judges seem just as bewildered as I have felt all evening and when they pass their final decrees, it's about what I expected. Chris is the winner of the challenge, and Maria will wear his outfit in the ring. A dubious honor, but there it is.  Ricky is (finally) sent packing. About three weeks late, but better that than never.

What did you think, my little hautes?  Were you as put off as I by this challenge?  Did you agree with the winner and elimination? And what about next week? It seems there will be two designers leaving us. I'm going to go ahead and call it as Chris and Sweet P leaving, giving us a final three of Rami, Jillian and Christian - but I am not sure that Chris doesn't deserve to be in there somewhere. Tell me your thoughts!

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