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Premierewatch: 'Paradise Hotel 2'
You know when people talk about the perils of reality TV, and the dumbing down of the genre, and the decline and fall of civilization, and how maybe folks in the Dark Ages had it better, because while they did have to deal with plagues that wiped out of third of the world population at least they weren't subjected to skanky reality TV? Paradise Hotel 2 is the show they're talking about.
Welcome to Paradise, where 11 sexy spoilers compete...
The premise is this: 11 sexy singles move into a hotel. They need to get a "roommate," if you know what I mean, and I think you do, to stay on the show. If they don't hook up, they get bounced out of paradise... and a new nubile young thing moves in to take his or her place. The folks who last the longest win...something. They don't actually tell us what that something is. Hopefully it's a cream that will finally treat that burning sensation when they pee.
I could come up with a lot of nasty things to say about each of the contestants, but instead, I'll let them talk about themselves:
The Girls
- Chelsea: "I have gotten into fights with girls over their boyfriends... if I wanted your man, I'd take him."
- Tanya: "I'm pretty much in the pro level of partying."
- Charté: "I think people should wait on me and fulfill all my needs and desires."
- Lauren: "Most of the guys who meet me initially want to take home, but I don't give the milk away for free.:
- Tidisha: "I have an attitude problem, I know that."
- Krista: "Here it is, I'm a 22-year-old virgin."
The Guys
- James: "Everyone I hang out with is the upper tier of attractive people -- if you look like Barbie you have a damn good chance."
- Mike: "Women love a guy who can make them laugh. I take center stage. I want that. I like that. I'm comfortable there."
- Raheim: "I like to just drive around neighborhoods just to see who's looking at me."
- Nate: "I've already won in my mind."
- Ryan: "I definitely think I'll be branded surfer guy, that's probably why I'm here."
You may have noticed that there are more girls than guys this week. That means one of the ladies will be sleeping alone (horrors!) and, if she doesn't break up another couple, will "leave paradise forever."
Cue the pool parties and the underwear parties and the lap-dancing parties and the "hey, everybody, let's get nearly naked!" parties. Wake me up when they have a Parka Party, or a Puritan Party. Now that would be different.
Raheim and Mike both talk a big game, and the ladies talk about how much they're panting over Mike. That's not how things play out when it comes time for the women to vie for roommates -- Mike and Raheim are the last guys picked. Oh my god, y'all -- this show is actually a metaphorical take on the perils of exit polling! It's trenchant political commentary! It's.. oh, never mind.
James ends up with Chelsea and Tanya, competing Queen Bees, vying for his affection. He picks Chelsea, the bustier of the two. And then, despite the promise of hookups and naked nastiness, everyone has a chaste night -- except Tanya, who moans how she wants to get laid for the camera. Thanks for sharing!
A rant
Look, I already think reality TV is squicky and exploitative and probably a reason that someday chimps will rebel and take over the earth, and that reality show producers eat puppies and bath in the blood of infants. So it's really, really tough to be covering a show where one of the cast members committed suicide after filming was complete. Nate, who people pick out as "the gentleman," (he slept on the floor so his roommate could have the bed to herself), died in October. His family and the producers decided to keep his scenes in. I have no idea whether his death was related to the show; I'm not a member of his family and I don't know their reasoning for letting his scenes stay in. My visceral reaction? It's completely horrifying and more than a little tacky that the producers kept him in. This is his last impression on the world? That's terrible. But what do you think?
Other stuff
Normally I call this section "thoughts." However, mere minutes into the show, my brain took a cue from that woman's heart in the CareerBuilder commercial from the Superbowl -- it burst out of my skull and announced it was quitting. No thoughts for me!
- It took a full 10 minutes for one of the competitors to break out "What's your sign?" I'm impressed.
- The guys make a big deal out of how they're not here looking for a lifetime partner. Do they think the girls are? I'm pretty sure everyone there is in it for the money, prize, exposure, exhibitionism, nookie, or whatever other reason people may have for going on this show.
- In my market, at least, the 700 Club advertises during the show. The mind reels...
- Everyone talks about personalities when they talk about choosing a roommate. Who do they think they're fooling?
- Lauren has the best answer when asked why she picked Ryan as her roommate. They're both from Jersey, and beyond that, "I'm just hoping he doesn't snore, really."
- Chelsea asks if James won't put out on the first night. "I'm not a slut dude," he responds. Really? Well get with it!
- Chelsea and Ryan are the first pair to hook up. It sounds like James is most put out.
- At the end of the show, the host announced that lonely Tanya would actually be safe from elimination this time out. Huh? Plus, she gets dates with two men of her choice. Let the games begin!
These shows take a while but tend to get better as they go along. Forever Eden was one of those. Just God awful at the beginning but apparently after it was cancelled, the remaining eps got much better.
Jason | Feb 5, 2008 7:56:49 AM | #Hey, folks -- we love your comments, but remember that this site has to be suitable for public consumption. Comments may be cut because of language or content.
Sarah | Feb 5, 2008 9:33:32 AM | #This is so funny I love hearing all the shit people say about me. All I can do is laugh about it. Damn, to be honest I don't know if I was sleep talking, drunk, or if they just added that subtitle on top of mumbling.... Well it made me laugh. Enjoy the show and trust me it gets better
T | Feb 5, 2008 11:51:40 AM | #Sarah-For an article in the "Premier Watch" category, you forgot to include some pretty basic information, such as WHEN was/is the premier, and WHAT CHANNEL/NETWORK is it on???
Lennie | Feb 6, 2008 8:22:50 AM | #Lennie: Sorry, they just set me loose on recaps, not on programming info. The show is on MyNetwork TV, and is on at 9/8 central. It's also showing on Fox Reality at some point, and there is presumably more nakedness/skankiness/Fox-iness at that showing. No clue when that is.
Sarah | Feb 6, 2008 10:30:24 AM | #I'm thinking Chelsea isn't so stupid. Every guy wants her, and I'm hoping they all get some. I'm watching until she's bounced. Maybe Nathan did himself in because he's the only one that didn't get any.
David | Feb 10, 2008 10:42:54 AM | #Maybe out of respect, we should not make stupid comments about Nathan and what he got or dident for that matter. Unlike him you still have a chance to get a life so please do so retard!
jonny | Feb 10, 2008 7:53:22 PM | #we a currently watching tonights show and i can not believe that, they allowed rahem or what ever that blacks name is to go off on the white guy for saying black and ghetto in the same sentence.i can not believe that they would let that happen, i guess that they fear the naacp too much to do the right thing and they should have kicked that guy off the show for being a white hater
d | Feb 11, 2008 6:36:13 PM | #Does anyone know any information about that Mike guy on the show, he looks very familiar.
Lou | Feb 11, 2008 6:47:15 PM | #Does anyone know any information about that Mike guy on the show, he looks very familiar.
Lou | Feb 11, 2008 6:47:26 PM | #im currently watching the re run on sunday nights....sorry yall i dont have cable!!what night is the newest episode on.....? help
jonny | Feb 13, 2008 10:11:27 PM | #why do they have the show on so late at night. I want to watch the show but i can't stay up that late, I have to work in the morning.
Gary Madill | Mar 11, 2008 12:47:28 PM | #MYRNA is retarted for picking mike. tanya was my favorite and i hope she comes back =(
alexis | Apr 7, 2008 7:29:14 PM | #James is dispicable. I only want real men around me and James is a disgrace to his sex. Just a horrible human.
beth | May 18, 2008 12:11:06 PM | #
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