'American Idol' Top 12 Men perform

"People are saying that this year's talent is the best yet," host Ryan Seacrest says, kicking off Tuesday (Feb. 19) night's performances by the season's American Idol Top 12 Men. I guess that's why I'm weathering the flu to perform my recapping duties. If I miss somebody, it's 'cuz I went into a coma.

Singer: DAVID HERNANDEZ
Song: "In The Midnight Hour"
My Take: It's an odd gospel-inflected arrangement of the song and David looks to be getting a big dose of reverb, which actually helps his tone. Some of the affectations that bugged me from David's audition footage are absent here. There's no grunting or excessive falsetto. Until the end, he resists the urge to oversing (though he mangles that last note). He also resists the urge to move his feet once he gets to the middle of the stage.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy was "Like yo" and says he fell apart a bit at the end, but that it was still a good start to the night. The competition is on, Randy helpfully informs us. Paula calls his vocals brilliant and his vibrato perfect. It was better than Simon expected, though he urges David to loosen up a bit and to be distinct.

Singer: CHIKEZIE
Song: "I Love You More Today than Yesterday"
My Take: We can only assume that Chikezie got sick of people pronouncing his last name as "Easy" and dropped it entirely. What color would we say Chikezie's suit is? And how much weight has he lost? The Chikezie we met in San Diego was playfully round. I'm not sure I'd even recognize this guy. I think he's lost 10 pounds since the Idol party last Thursday. Meanwhile, if I seem to be getting distracted by external factors, there's a reason. Nothing Chikezie does is good enough or bad enough to draw my attention -- he's got better stage presence than David, but his vocals fall short.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: We made it to the second performance of the year before Randy whips out his first "It was aight." He accuses Chikezie of being old-fashioned. Chikezie's come a long way and he's here, Paula opines, in one of those statements that you couldn't disagree with even if you wanted to. Chikezie's weight-loss earns near-tears from Paula. Simon calls him "Jacuzzi" and says he absolutely hated the whole performance. "To be honest with you, this could have been something we filmed 40 years ago," Simon says. Chikezie tries correcting Simon's understanding of his performance. Talking back to Simon at this stage in the competition is never a good idea.

Singer: DAVID COOK
Song: "Happy Together"
My Take: Even after the elimination of his soul patch, David's fashion style looks to be "hobo chic." He's singing my favorite Golden Grahams theme. The arrangement is initially spacey and eventually rock-y and David does better in the latter mode. He's trying to do the Constantine eye-flirt, getting all squinty whenever the camera comes in his direction. David is the night's first singer to have to fight to compete with the band, but after getting drowned out in the middle, he comes through OK. Is anybody going to point out that David's floppy hair is a comb-over and he's nearly bald underneath?
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: It was a little weird for Randy at first, but he worked it out. Paula calls it worthy of great praise. Simon thought he shouted in the middle, but that he almost made the arrangement of the song believable.

Singer: JASON YEAGER
Song: "Moon River"
My Take: Jason Yeager seems to have a 15-year-old son. Even if the kid is really eight or nine, it only reinforces my feeling that Jason is a middle-aged man in a competition that values youth and he doesn't help matter by doing the most old-fashioned rendition of "Moon River" imaginable. We've had three straight attempts to rearrange the '60s songs in different contexts, but Jason goes straight-up Andy Williams, which isn't surprising for a guy who's been making his living in Branson. The tooth-y smile and welcoming arm gestures are pure schmaltz and Jason descends into a near-whisper by the end.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy says that all the guys can blow, but that Jason's concentration wavered. Paula did her first ballet recital to "Moon River," so it's got sentimental value. "I bought my first puppy to that song," says Simon before calling very "cruise ship," warning that it will confuse younger viewers. "You're like a dependable old dog, aren't you?" Simon asks. Jason is mighty gracious when it comes to the criticism.

Singer: ROBBIE CARRICO
Song: "One"
My Take: Robbie is 26, but he's an old 26. He looks like a man in his second or third act. "One" is a change-of-pace song more than a piece to prove your rocker credentials, no matter what Robbie's bandana, pocket chain, and leather wristlets might be trying to argue. It's like he's auditioning to play the role of Bo Bice in a road show version of Idol and he thinks the key to winning the part is wearing sufficient flair. Robbie has some pacing problems with the band, but doesn't make any dramatic vocal gaffes.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy says it's a nice one and had him rocking out. Paula thinks it was a prefect song. Simon says it's the night's first current performance. Simon isn't sure how authentic he is.

Singer: DAVID ARCHULETA
Song: "Shop Around"
My Take: Say this for David Archuleta -- he doesn't look like he's an old man. I'm not sure I'd have recommended this as a song choice, but David is instantly more memorable than the four -- Five? Six? Three? I've already begun to tune them out -- men who preceded him. He has good camera awareness and plays to the audience without seeming cloying. He doesn't show very much vocal range and he has some rough high notes toward the end, but does anybody honestly believe this guy isn't going to be around through May? Maybe by that time we'll see if he performs every song with the same semi-robotic enthusiasm.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy thought that was really brilliant and mature. "I'm like yo, this kid is ready to go," Randy says. Paula thought the song choice was brave and bold. "When you've got it, you've got it," Simon says. David's "Oh shucks" stuttering will get tired in a hurry, but for now it looks genuine.

Singer: DANNY NORIEGA
Song: "Jailhouse Rock"
My Take: Danny isn't going to compromise. His mission this year is bringing his own "swagger and attitude." There isn't a good history of Idol performers covering Elvis, since he usually brings out a frantic side that the judges dislike. There would be two questions I'd ask: Did anybody hear anything even slightly noteworthy about Danny's singing? I sure didn't. But has anybody else tonight seemed to be having even half as much fun? I don't think so. The argument can be made that this is a singing competition, not a having-fun-on-FOX's-dime competition, but we'd seen better pipes from Danny earlier.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy says Danny doesn't care what happens, because he's going to have a good time. Randy thought the vocals were only so-so, but it was "kinda hot." Paula thinks Danny chose a song that would let him be a performer, rather than a singer and that she looks forward to seeing more colors of Danny. See, she's talking about the colors of the rainbow? Get it? Wink. Wink. "I thought the performance was verging on grotesque," Simon says, drawing a big pout from Danny. As Danny looks on in confusion, Paula's on the verge of tears raving about Danny's "mad vocal skills."

Singer: LUKE MENARD
Song: "Everybody's Talkin'"
My Take: Oh. So this is Luke Menard. How can you arrange a version of this song that's even more lethargic than the Harry Nilsson standard? I don't question that Luke's vocally acceptable (mostly -- it's not a hard song) or that the ladies are going to find him dreamy and if FOX decides to bring back The Heights, he can get work. But surely he knows that given his previous lack of screentime this season, he had to do something dramatic? This is not that.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy thought it was pitchy, calling it sharp throughout. Paula compares him to Kenny Loggins, just not tonight. "Your problem was, it was forgettable," Simon says, cautioning that Luke fell into the worst trap possible by not standing out. Luke stares at the camera and says that was wasn't forgettable. "Nobody's ever going to admit to being forgettable," Simon carps.

Singer: COLTON BERRY
Song: "Suspicious Minds"
My Take: More likely to garner votes for Colton? His resemblance to Ellen DeGeneres or his nervous habit of singing the Teletubbies theme to himself? Well, since Simon produced the Teletubbies... This is our most prolonged exposure to Colton and he comes across as raw, but not offensively. We've had other contestants of Colton's type before -- the nervous guy straight off the set of his high school musical -- and he looks to be a bit more talented than most of them.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy asks Colton if he loves the song and says that after starting rough, it was all-in-all pretty good. Paula was glad to see a different side of him. "It wasn't quite as bad as the other Elvis song," Simon says. Simon says he didn't see any sign of contemporary relevance.

Singer: GARRETT HALEY
Song: "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do"
My Take: What 17-year-old in 2008 has feathered hair? Wait. What 17-year-old boy in 2008 has feathered hair? It turns out that Garrett sounds very little like I might have guessed. His voice is higher, softer and poppier than I'd have thought. This is another example of a contestant who needed to do something bigger this week to get on the radar. Wait. What did he sound like again?
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy loves the song, but he thinks Garrett didn't do anything with it. Paula urges him to take control of the music, vary the tempo and take chances. Simon says he looked terrified and his voice was whiney. "You look verging on haunted," Simon says, urging him some time in the sun.

Singer: JASON CASTRO
Song: "What a Day for Daydream"
My Take: Jason "Clifford the Muppet" Castro is getting his first prolonged exposure and he's doing it guitar-in-hand (which is funny since he's a drummer by trade). I wonder why David Cook and others didn't play instruments? It's a great strategy to avoid being hamstrung by the band. It's still there, but you get to control your own destiny, while also creating the impression that you have musical talent. I think if you were to close your eyes and ignore the guitar-playing, Jason's vocal performance wasn't so great at all. There were definitely rough parts, with both the strumming and singing, but he created a full and meaningful impression in a way that Luke, Garrett and Jason Yeager all failed to do.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy says that despite some pitch problems, it was aight. He blew Paula away and got her hooked on him again. "You are a blend of every favorite color that I know," she raves. Simon puts it in the Top Two for the night, saying that like David (Archuleta, I assume) he's got it.

Singer: MICHAEL JOHNS
Song: "Light My Fire"
My Take: Michael isn't shying away from his status as "mysterious older foreigner" with his ascot-esque striped scarf. The Idol producers aren't doing anything to shy away from his Ringer status by giving the pimp slot to Michael for a performance we've already seen him give. Actually, this is a much more traditional -- and less interesting -- version of the Doors classic than he gave in Hollywood, which wowed me in its limited sample. This, he just sounds like a guy doing a Jim Morrison impression at a bar in Melbourne.
Randy, Paula and Simon (witty name swapping to start tomorrow) say: Randy has loved Michael since the first time he saw him and calls him both hot and da bomb. Paula warns that he literally set everybody on fire. Simon thinks he's consistent and that Michael has the natural charisma of a lead singer (which, of course, he was).

TONIGHT'S BEST: I can't tell if this is the most talented group of Idol males ever, but I know it's the least-untalented group. Does that make sense? Nobody tonight was awful. But was anybody remarkable? Michael Johns and David Archuleta probably confirmed their joint frontrunner status and Jason Castro probably managed to break into the conversation, but out of 12 performances, none really surprised me.

IN DANGER: Jason Yeager and Luke Menard weren't dreadful, but they were sure boring. For some reason, I think Luke will be safe for another week, but that Jason will have to battle with Chikezie and David Hernandez to avoid going home.

Agree? Disagree? What'd y'all think? Me, I'm off to medicate. Maybe I'll be more cogent for the ladies tomorrow night...

And check out all our Idol coverage over at Zap2it's Guide to American Idol...

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