'Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency': Trouble, with a capital "T"

Wow. I always knew Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency was trivial and ridiculous, but tuning in right after watching the New Hampshire primary coverage provides quite a jarring contrast, I have to say.  (Trivial and ridiculous spoilers ahead...)

We rejoin Janice and company at the Ashley Paige photo shoot, where Ashley and Janice are struggling for control. Obviously, Janice wins the staredown, and once dominance has been established, the shoot goes more smoothly. And smoothly doesn't work for Janice, so she chooses this as the time to confront Alexis about her scars and bruises. In that her patented, sensitive style: "Are you slashing yourself? Because if you are, I'll know it." Alexis admits to cutting back when she was fourteen during a hard time in her life, but says that it's completely over now.

To her credit, Janice does take the conversation to another level, offering help, empathy, and support. She shares the fact that her father was a bad guy, and Alexis says that hers was, as well. Janice encourages Alexis to come talk to her if she gets the urge to hurt herself again. Aww, it's actually fairly touching. Though as I look at Alexis, I wonder if she's taking control of her life right now by starving herself, because seriously, you can count her ribs. Oh, and the way the Ashley Paige shoot almost fell apart has apparently made Janice question her and Peter's partnership even further. I'm guessing that might be important later. Because otherwise, this show has some really random editing.

Back at the agency, Nathan (Janice's long-lost son and head of the agency's commercial division) is back from a trip to Europe and ready to work. But first (man, we're jumping around a lot), a casting for Genlux Magazine, a high-end fashion publication. Or so we're told. They're looking for 2-4 sophisticated female models for an editorial spread. After looking at the lineup, the clients go over photos and mention that they like Desiree, at which point Janice totally trashes her, saying she's a [w]itch with a terrible attitude. Peter isn't quite on board with this strategy of booking models, oddly enough. The clients end up choosing Lakiska, Daria, and Crystal.

At the shoot, Janice says she'll stay in the background, but (incredibly predictably) this doesn't end up being the case. She rags on Lakiska's performance to the extreme, yells at Daria for getting married to someone who may not support her career (while impersonating her sex life, which pisses Daria off), and accuses her of being pregnant. We also get a sidebar about Crystal's extreme weight loss, which, true. The girl's anorexic, and clearly realizes it (and its impact on her health) in interviews, though she thinks she needs to keep it going in order to book jobs. Modeling is so sad! At least Janice is concerned...though when I think about how much weight she must've lost to get Janice worried? Wow.

Meanwhile, Nathan meets with his dad, Simon Fields, whose company works with Jennifer Lopez's company in some capacity. And, success! He gets the hook-up with Gina from Sweetface, who comes by to look at some models for an upcoming project with one of J.Lo's lines (justsweet), which is apparently a huge deal. She takes a look at the Latina models as well as Janice's usual suspects, and picks out Ligia, Daria, and Lisa to try on some clothes and to keep them on file.

Next client: Rufskin Denim, a risqué gay denim company. They're looking for models for their website, and wow. There is a lot of ass and package showing when the guys try on the clothes. Like, jeans with a giant swatch cut out of the rear area. And denim speedo-type shorts. Or underwear? I...don't understand where you could wear these items. And I'm happy to stay in the dark, thank you very much.

J.P. is a little uncomfortable, and seriously, he can't be the only one. He's especially worried that he'll be typecast as a gay model, but he sucks it up and auditions like a pro. Rufskin chooses Danny, Michael, Maurice, and Christian--more models than originally planned, and two models from the Latino division.

Um, elsewhere and very randomly, Chris Jones hosts a (mostly) male model poker night at his place...in his tighty whiteys. There's some "you're gay, Kehoe" trash-talking, there's some talk of the Janice/Peter tension, and general drunken merriment. Honestly, it's not as entertaining as one might hope.

At the Rufskin shoot, though, Trouble Strikes. As always. The boys get all denimed, leathered, taped (?!), ass-tanned, and extremely greased up. (SO disgustingly greasy!) It may or may not be gay soft porn, you guys. Janice shows up, and notices alcohol on set. She's extremely uncool with it, and asks that it be taken away. Then, she chews out Maurice for drinking. Then, the episode's over. Sigh.

Next week: More trouble in paradise, as always. Also, greased-up dudes getting uncomfortably close (for them) to other dudes' packages. Man, this show us nothing if not classy.

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